Stages of the Divorce
Process For Fathers
A system that
sucks you in with hope and destroys all
pretenses of fairness
and justice while driving you broke for
the benefit of lawyers
As fathers progress through the
custody process they usually pass
through four distinct phases. Even
though the names, dates and facts
of the cases are all different, the
process is almost always the
same.
I hear the stories of devastated fathers
almost every day. Sometimes
I am amazed at how each story seems so
much worse than the next.
Almost every story includes descriptions
of false allegations and
coaching of children. Fathers describe
the absolute emotional and
financial destruction of their once
happy family by the family court.
What seems to hurt dads the most is the
unrecoverable loss of
precious time with little kids that just
want to spend time with
them.
Often the first call from a father to
one of our Fathers-4-Justice
members begins as a two hour call as
hopeless fathers explain the
details of their story. Dads often just
need someone to listen to
them before they absolutely explode. As
I listen to the stories a
very similar pattern seems to emerge. I
have noticed that most of the
dads that are being kicked around by the
family court machine have
very similar personalities. I have
noticed that these dads are
usually very easy going; they are
typically the "rule followers" of
our society. These fathers tend to
comply with the rules that society
has laid out for them without question.
As fathers progress through the custody
process they usually pass
through four distinct phases. Even
though the names, dates and facts
of the cases are all different, the
process is almost always the
same.
Phase 1- The
Devastated Dad
Initially, fathers are blindsided with
an order of the court limiting
their time with their children. They are
often ordered out of their
homes, their assets and paychecks are
seized, and they are forced to
find or borrow thousands of dollars to
fund an attorney. Fathers in
this stage are constantly asking
themselves what they did wrong, how
can "they" (the courts) do this? In many
cases mothers have used the
WMD of custody litigation - false
allegations of abuse. Fathers are
visited by social workers, Guardians ad
Litem, and ordered to
counseling. This extremely cruel tactic
is followed by court
personnel and/or psychologists coaching
the children to ensure that
they, too, report that they hate their
father. The result is a
depressed, devastated dad who wears the
effects of his battle on his
sleeve.
Phase 2 - Hyper
Compliance
As custody litigation progresses and
psychological experts are
further engaged, fathers move into a
mode of hyper-compliance. They
attend every counseling session and
every minor court hearing with
high hopes - only to hear that a
decision on their case has been
delayed. Fathers assume that if they
just do everything that they are
asked to do that this whole ordeal will
be over and they can see
their kids again. They sign up for
parenting classes, counseling
sessions, and attend mediations often
without being asked. Fathers
volunteer for polygraphs, take drug
tests, and comply with every
conceivable program the system has to
offer. Every father believes
that if they just follow the rules, the
truth will come out. It
doesn't! Over time dads realize that no
matter how many times they
ask, no matter what they do, the
"experts" can never put their finger
on exactly what he must do to so he can
see his kids again. They
always end every statement to the court,
no matter how unreasonable,
with "in the best interest of the
children".
Phase 3 - Legal
Eagle
Eventually fathers get fed up with the
slow moving custody machine.
They start to Google everything from
parenting rights that are
guaranteed in the U.S. Constitution, to
the latest research on false
allegations. Acronyms such as PAS, FOC,
GAL, SAID Syndrome, and FERPA
become part of their every day
conversation. They collect evidence,
photocopy documents, and start recording
every conversation anxiously
awaiting their day to present these
facts in court. They spend hours
researching information on other cases
that seem similar to theirs
and forwarding case law to their
attorney only to be told to "stop
playing lawyer". They can't understand
why their own attorney allows
so many continuances of their case. They
can't figure out why filing
a motion for contempt because visitation
was denied (again) would
make HIM look bad. Many dads spend their
life savings, children's
college funds, retirement funds and go
into tens of thousands of
dollars of debt during this phase
certain that if they can just get
their story in front of a judge, the
truth would come out.
This is the phase where the social
workers, judges, and magistrates
threaten that if "the two parents can't
agree, they'll be forced to
put the kids in foster care!" The
lawyers all talk about how costly a
trial would be and pressure all parties
to settle. For the few
fathers that get their case to trial,
they quickly find that
the "evidence" they collected, the
documents they've copied and the
audio they've recorded can't be
presented in court. They learn
that "experts" that have never met them,
and social workers who don't
even have children, can make
recommendations about the future of
their children. Fathers learn that
perjury in family court is never
prosecuted.
Phase 4 - Combat
Eventually the money runs out, the
lawyers come and go, and the
pressure to give in grows. Some fathers
just quit. They take the
offer, they "agree" to minimal
visitation, to a support order that is
unreasonable, and every other
restriction the "experts" throw at
them, simply because they cannot afford
(financially, emotionally,
and psychologically) to fight any
longer. These dads' balls have
literally been busted.
Other dads decide to fight – with or
without an attorney.
These fathers decide to continue
litigation pro se. They contact
every father's group on the web and sign
up for every Yahoo group on
the subject. These fathers, once united,
can have a major impact on
the "system". The hope of every judge,
magistrate, counselor, social
worker and attorney that profits from
the custody industry is that
the fathers that opt for combat won't
organize. They have learned
that they can squash each individual
father like a lone ant on the
pavement. What they fear is an informed,
organized, determined army
moving toward one goal like a swarm of
fire ants. That would be
unstoppable.
Sadly, too many fathers spend so much
time in phases 1-3 that their
children grow up in the background and
they miss out.
What are YOU waiting for?
Join the fight –
WWW.F4J.US
Videos to
educate yourself to get through these
phases faster
and do what is best for your children
http://www.exiledfathers.org/
Full hour show on the divorce reform
movement spearheaded by Fathers For
Justice in the UK:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=567808857988196402
Channel 7 news story of the start of a
campaign in Boston to reform the corrupt
and unjust family courts:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=539756907024646890&pr=goog-sl
Fathers are heroes:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4B-r8KJhlE
Search "Fathers for Justice" as
www.youtube.com for lots more video
on the major reform and protest effort
happening because of the corruption and
injustice delivered by today's divorce
courts.
Boston CustoTEA
Party Protest on 12/10/06 - Protest on
the Freedom trail
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfzscpztvgQ&mode=related&search=
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJ9SlMNpnnY&mode=related&search=
Extreme protests
to save our children
Raids on the establishment to bring
attention to the damage family courts
are doing daily:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-KHsD5tdLw&mode=related&search=
Protest on judges house:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6e1KjS6Hx8k&mode=related&search=
JUSTICE IS COMING!
Join at
www.F4J.org
No law that break the constitution can
be enforced by any judge, official or
individual!
These orders are VOID with no legal
effect or force!
Any individual participating in such an
order is personally liable!
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