A major research
institution has just announced the
discovery of the heaviest element
yet known to science. The new element
has been named "Governmentium".
Governmentium has one neutron, 12
assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons,
and 224 assistant deputy neutrons,
giving it an atomic mass of 311.
These 311 particles are held
together by forces called morons,
which are surrounded by vast quantities
of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons,
it is inert. However, it can be detected,
as it impedes every reaction with
which it comes into contact.
A minute amount of Governmentium
causes one reaction to take over 4
days to complete, when it would normally
take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life
of 4 years; it does not decay, but,
instead undergoes a reorganization
in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange
In fact, Governmentium's mass
will actually increase over time,
since each reorganization will cause
more morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion
leads some scientists to believe that
Governmentium is formed whenever morons
reach a certain quantity in concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred
to as "Critical Morass".
When catalyzed with money Governmentium
becomes Administratium, an element
which radiates just as much energy,
since it has 1/2 as many peons but
twice as many morons.
to limit government to essential services
and keep them out of our personal