What
happens, what you must, and
must not do under a civil
restraining order
Top
The following
tabulation is aimed at Colorado
residents. Attorney Gregory
Hession has an excellent section
on How
to fight false restraining
orders for Massachusetts
residents. Either of these
guides should provide basic
information for residents
of other states as well.
1. If your
female partner, her relatives,
doctor, social worker, etc.,
accuse you of domestic or
emotional abuse, or even the
potential for such abuse,
you will be served with a
standard temporary restraining
order under C.R.S.
§ 13-14-102 to stay away
from her and her domicile
(what you thought was your
house and home). No proof
or evidence is required to
obtain such an order. Hearsay
is admissible. Perjury and
subornation of perjury
are standard practice.
2. Typically
you will also be barred from
any direct or indirect contact
with her friends, relatives,
employer(s), or other associates
or third-parties. They may
have been "your"
friends or associates before
but after the restraining
order is issued any female
friends are hers.
That will
be more than an inconvenience
should you work at or near
the same location, and you
can expect to lose your job
in such circumstances, or
go to jail for violating the
order. In many cases you can
expect her to attempt to arrange
for you to violate the order
so she can have you jailed.
And if an
acquaintance does mention
to her that "Joe said..."
that is indirect contact and
could get you arrested as
well.
3. No contact
means "no contact"
by you C.R.S.
§ 18-6-803.5(1) . Even
accidental contact in a grocery
store can get you arrested.
If your
kids call you that is a criminal
violation of the restraining
order.
If you accidentally
hit the autodialer on your
cell phone and it dials your
home number, that is a criminal
violation and you can go to
jail. Men have had their cell
phones in their pocket and
it has dialed home. Jail him!
Your computer
may get infected with a virus
or a worm and send her (and
everyone else you've ever
sent electronic mail to) an
email. That has been construed
as a criminal violation of
the restraining order.
4. Restraining
orders only work one way.
You are restrained. She can,
and will do anything she wants.
If she calls
you, and you talk to her,
that is a criminal violation
of the restraining order.
If she comes
over and tries to crawl in
bed with you (this actually
happens), whether you cooperate
or not, you have criminally
violated the restraining order.
If she sends
you an email or fax you are
in violation of the restraining
order if you make any response
at all. Such communications
from her might make good evidence
against her if the matter
comes to trial or for a hearing,
however, so save them with
a date/time of receipt stamp.
5. The most
common version of stalking
reported to the Equal
Justice Foundation is
a woman who takes out a restraining
order against a man and then
stalks him with cell phone
in hand. When she finds him,
she calls the police, who
then must (law reads "shall")
arrest the man for criminal
violation of the restraining
order under C.R.S.
§ 18-6-803.5(3)(b) .
6. Violation
of domestic violence or abuse
restraining order costs the
great majority of men we hear
from their jobs. Even having
a permanent restraining order
against you may cause the
loss of your job.
7. The order
will be served ex parte (without
the other party present),
preferably, from her standpoint,
with no prior warning whatsoever.
8. Generally
you will be escorted from
your home, often in the middle
of the night, with little
more than the clothes you
are wearing, or what you can
pack on five minutes notice.
9. You may
visit your home once after
the order is served in the
company of a police officer
to collect any "undisputed"
items you might claim. Usually
such accompanied visits are
limited to one hour and the
police are there to protect
her, not you.
10. The
order usually spells out the
terms of any visitation or
contact rights you have with
any children in the relationship
(usually none initially even
if the children are yours
and not hers). You must scrupulously
obey the terms of the order,
i.e., no telephone calls or
birthday cards to the kids.
11. Get
a good criminal
defense attorney! In life,
and in America, you get what
you pay for.
12. Read
the laws
yourself! Do not assume your
attorney is going to do everything
for you. Do your homework.
Look for loop holes or advantages
in the wording of the law.
Read the statute(s) you are
charged under 20+ times if
you have to. Men often get
lazy, or are in shock, during
the time before they have
to go to court but the sentence
you face is for life without
possibility of parole.
13. A hearing
must be held within fourteen
days as to whether the temporary
order should be made permanent.
However, such hearings are
commonly continued for month
after month unless you object.
Have your attorney file a
motion for dismissal if the
hearing date is more than
fourteen days after issuance
of the restraining order.
It likely
will be made permanent (as
in the rest of your life)
unless you have competent
counsel. Even then you have
a good chance of losing as
the hearing will be perfunctory,
and your side of the story
won't be heard unless you
have a good attorney, so don't
treat this casually.
14. Objective
evidence wins court cases.
Phone records, answering machine
tapes, e-mails, pictures,
etc., are all basic to winning
your freedom. Collect them
if you can without violating
the restraining order or have
your attorney subpoena them,
identify date and time, and
go over your evidence with
your attorney. Make sure any
evidence you have is admissible
and has been discovered to
opposing counsel prior to
your hearing.
15. You
will almost certainly be left
confused with few answers
to your questions. A good
attorney will take care of
the legal issues in court.
But you will probably never
get the answers as to why
she did the things she did.
Accept it!
16. From
the time the restraining order
is imposed until it is cleared
from all databases it is a
violation of Federal law 18
U.S.C. § 922(g)(8 and 9)
to purchase, acquire, or be
in possession of firearms
or other dangerous weapons,
e.g., swords, grenades, explosives,
ammunition, etc. This is a
felony with a mandatory minimum
of 5 years in federal prison
if convicted.
Collectors
items are held to be in this
category as well. "In
possession" generally
means in the same room as,
or in close proximity to.
If you are visiting a friend
and they have a gun collection,
you are in violation and could
be sentenced to five years
(minimum) in prison.
If you have
a gun collection, swords,
etc., the Bureau
of Alcohol, Firearms, and
Tobacco (BATF) approved
method of storage after issuance
of a restraining order or
being charged with domestic
violence is with an attorney,
with the police or sheriff,
or with an approved firearms
dealer. Have a friend or relative
collect them for you and remove
them to an approved storage
location until after you are
sure the restraining order
has been lifted and your name
removed from the state and
federal databases. That will
usually require a separate
motion to the court or personally
carrying a certified copy
of the court order of dismissal
to a Colorado Bureau of Investigation
office.
17. If you
win, be sure the restraining
order has been removed from
the Colorado Bureau of Investigation
(CBI) database as well. That
requires a separate court
order. You can, and will be
arrested if the restraining
order remains in the CBI database
even though the court has
lifted the order. Remember,
you are guilty until you prove
your innocence, and even after
until you clear out the CBI
records.
As a safety
measure you should have a
gun dealer run a check on
you after the order is dismissed
to be absolutely sure your
name has been removed from
all databases.
18. Stay
away! If you violate, or she
contrives to have you violate
the terms of the restraining
order you will likely find
yourself in jail (C.R.S.
§ 18-6-803.5). There is
a not so funny joke that cell
phones were invented to allow
women to report restraining
order violations. Believe
it!
19. Always
carry a copy of the restraining
order with you to show police
when you are stopped. The
order will have specific terms
you must meet and sometimes
you can avoid arrest by presenting
the officers the specific
terms of the order and showing
them you have not violated
any of the restrictions.
Estimates
of restraining orders issued
Top
From each
according to their ability,
to each according to their
needs.
Karl Marx (1818–1883)
Estimates of the number of
restraining orders issued
in the United States each
year in domestic violence
and abuse cases range from
a low of about 500,000 to
more than 850,000 (NVAW,
p. 53, Exhibit 20). If
restraining orders associated
with stalking and rape are
included the total number
of restraining orders issued
in the United States is estimated
to be in excess of 1.1 million
per year using NVAW figures.
Estimates from Massachusetts
and Idaho would suggest between
1.5 and 2 million restraining
orders per year in the United
States. Another
method of estimating the number
of such orders is to assume
all the states and territories
issue restraining orders at
the same rate as Colorado.
If restraining orders are
being issued at the same ratio
in the entire United States
as in Colorado there are approximately
2.1 million such orders being
issued every year.
As shown
in Table
58, the number of restraining
orders issued every year now
exceeds the number of marriages
in Colorado. These are frightening
numbers! Either Colorado,
Idaho, and Massachusetts issue
restraining orders two or
three times the national average
or there are a horrendous
number of such orders issued
every year in the United States.
Not that even 500,000 is a
small number considering the
devastating impact such orders
have on people's lives.
Dating
and restraining orders
Top
We have
also heard from an ever increasing
number of men who were dating
women who took out a restraining
order against them that barred
the man from his own home
or apartment. The courts do
this even though she has no
rights to the property and
her name is not on the deed
or lease.
Weapon
of choice for a woman in a
divorce
Top
Despite
the protests of those who
advocate such laws, there
is every evidence that these
laws are routinely used and
abused by women, particularly
in a divorce where the woman
would like to keep the
house and children.
Forms and
instructions for filing a
restraining order can be found
on the Colorado Court's Approved
Forms page. Standard forms
for such purposes are mandated
by C.R.S.
§ 13-1-136 for civil
restraining orders. There
are also instructions at that
Web site on how to fill out
the forms. If she has trouble
doing so, "victim's assistance"
is readily available for her
at virtually any courthouse
or battered woman's shelter.
Many attorneys are known to
advise their female clients
to file such orders to gain
advantage in the marriage
dissolution.
In effect,
the State is using your tax
dollars to encourage her to
file such orders against you.
As a male, you won't find
it so easy to do if you try
to file for a restraining
order against her. Nor is
it likely the State will enforce
any such order against her
if you do obtain one.
Probably
few women so inclined need
prompting, however, to take
advantage of these vicious
laws to wreak havoc and revenge
on a man whom they have grown
to hate, though once they
may have loved him.
Worse, these
laws demonstrably do not provide
protection for those women
or men who may really need
the help and protection of
the State. In many situations
taking out a restraining order
has been shown to increase
the level of violence. The
National Violence Against
Women survey (NVAW,
p. 52) found that approximately
one-half of the restraining
orders women took out against
males were violated and nearly
one-third of the orders men
had against women were basically
ignored. And making the penalties
for violating a restraining
order ever more draconian
is very unlikely to change
the rate at which such orders
are violated. In fact, Dugan
and others (2001) found
that:
"...Increases
in the willingness of prosecutors'
offices to take cases of protection
order violation were associated
with increases in the homicide
of white married intimates,
black unmarried intimates,
and white unmarried females..."
As such,
restraining orders are a triumph
of form over substance, and
may cost the initiator their
life.
Background
Top
Court orders
prohibiting one party not
only from harassing but, in
some cases, from approaching
or contacting another are
not limited to domestic violence
or abuse cases.
Normally,
however, getting such an order
is a cumbersome process with
the burden of proof on the
accuser, as it should be in
a free society. But under
abuse prevention laws in Colorado,
restraining orders C.R.S.
§ 13-14-102 are easily
available against current
or former spouses, cohabitants,
roommates, sexual partners,
other family members, boyfriends,
and ex-boyfriends to prevent
assaults and threatened bodily
harm; to prevent domestic
abuse; to prevent emotional
abuse of the elderly; and
to prevent stalking.
The basis
for a restraining order need
not include violence or abuse.
Nor is it necessary for a
person to seek a restraining
order on their own behalf.
Another individual or relative,
including such neutral(?)
groups as victim's assistance
or a shelter worker, can seek
the restraining order unknown
even to the person to be protected
and have it served ex parte
on both parties C.R.S.
§ 13-14-102 (5) and C.R.S.
§ 26-3.1-102. We are serenely
confident that Big Sister
knows best. The thought that
someone might abuse such power
and mindlessly destroy a family
never even crosses our mind.
Writing
for Reason magazine, Cathy
Young notes that: "Whether
the relationship is close
enough to qualify — how about
an ex-sister-in-law? — can
become the key issue at a
hearing."
In Massachusetts,
Cathy
Young cites evidence that:
"...over
half of the 60,000 restraining
orders in domestic cases issued
every year do not, according
to a 1995 state report, involve
so much as an allegation of
physical abuse. Elaine Epstein,
past president of the Massachusetts
Bar Association, recalls 'affidavits
which just said someone was
in fear, or there had been
an argument or yelling — not
even a threat.' [emphasis
added]"
In an August
2, 1999, article in the
Massachusetts News,
John Maguire cites "Attorney
Sheara Friend, of the Wellesley
firm Kahalas, Warshaw &
Friend, estimates that about
half of all [Massachusetts]
restraining orders are merely
legal maneuvers, where there
is no real fear of injury
on anyone's part. If she's
right, about 20,000 of this
state's restraining orders
each year have nothing to
do with domestic violence
— other than to claim it."
As shown below, half is probably
on the low side for the abuse
of restraining orders in Colorado.
Judges don't
like taking chances and are
satisfied with a positive
answer to the question, "Are
you afraid of bodily harm
by the defendant?" or
"Are you in fear of the
defendant?" Note that
there need not actually be
any bodily harm, or even the
threat of such harm, now or
in the past. Nor will any
justification for a claim
of fear likely be required.
Or she may simply have to
fill out a form for the Clerk
of the Court with the aid
and encouragement of the government-funded
victim's assistance program.
These people will also commonly
help and encourage a woman
to file a restraining order
for abuse within hours of
a man being acquitted of domestic
violence. And they make sure
the woman knows he was acquitted.
While this is known to happen
in Colorado from our personal
experience, you should read
what happened to Rikki's
Dad to see to what level
such abuse of the system can
be raised.
Many women
are using such restraining
orders to keep the man in
court, keep him broke, keep
him out of his home, and away
from the kids. Such behavior
has become so common in divorces
that Turket has called it
the malicious
mother syndrome. And they
are doing it with the assistance
of the courts and taxpayer-funded
programs.
Writing
for the Women's Quarterly,
Stephen Baskerville has
pointed out that:
"Unfortunately,
not only is the legal machinery
an accomplice; in some ways
it is the principal instigator.
A mother who consults a divorce
attorney will be advised that
her best chance of gaining
custody is simply to take
the children and all their
effects and leave without
warning. If she has no place
to go, she will be told that
by accusing the father of
sexual or physical abuse,
however vaguely (often simply
stating that she is 'in fear'),
she can easily obtain a restraining
order immediately forcing
him out of the family home.
She will also learn that even
if her claims are false, there
are no legal consequences
she will face for making them;
her trumped-up accusations
cannot even be used against
her in a custody decision.
In fact, they work so strongly
in her favor that failure
to advise a female client
of these options may constitute
legal malpractice [emphasis
added]."
Note that
"fear" or "emotional
harm" is now a key issue
in such restraining orders.
It doesn't take a cynic to
point out that when a woman
is getting a divorce, what
she may truly fear is not
violence, but losing the house
or kids. Since actual damages
or harm need not be shown,
what has she got to lose by
filing for a restraining order?
Nor must the accuser be of
sound mind as we certainly
don't want to "blame
the victim."
Ask yourself
how many neurotic or vengeful
women you know? Would you
want to put the rest of your
life on the balance of their
judgement or fears?
Any man
living with such women in
today's feminist-dominated
society does. A call to 911
is all that stands between
such women's partners and
jail, and the burden of proof
is on the accused , contrary
to our entire history and
Constitution. In an April,
1998, essay on domestic
violations, Cathy Young
points out that: "...manipulators
may be more likely to get
the system to work to their
advantage than real victims,
too scared or too unsophisticated
to navigate its channels."
In Colorado,
within 14 days after the restraining
order is filed, a hearing
must be held to determine
if the order will be made
permanent (as in the rest
of your life), though the
restraining order goes into
effect, and into the Colorado
Bureau of Investigation (CBI)
database, immediately. At
the hearing the man can tell
his side — in theory. However,
the mere allegation of domestic
abuse shifts the burden of
proof to the accused.
Judges are
likely to deny a full-scale
hearing and refuse to listen
to the man's side, even when
he is represented by counsel,
which has happened in our
personal experience. Hearsay
is allowed as evidence against
the man. Military service
will probably be introduced
by the woman as a manifestation
of a man's violent and dangerous
nature. A Marine, for example,
is by definition a trained
killer.
Possession,
training, or use of weapons
and explosives will be presented
as evidence against the male,
even if he uses them in the
course of his work. Cross-examination
by the man, or his attorney,
will probably be sharply limited,
particularly if the woman
becomes emotional. And many
lawyers say judges are unlikely
to give serious consideration
to exculpatory evidence.
She may
be fresh out of the loony
bin, you weren't home at the
time she claims you abused
her and have three witnesses
to prove that, but you likely
won't even be allowed to call
your witnesses or introduce
the medical evidence. Family
courts are not male friendly
and we are not describing
isolated incidents. For example,
see Al Knight's September
10, 2000, column Facts don't
seem to matter in the Denver
Post.
Massachusetts
Bar Association past-President
Elaine Epstein has flatly
stated: " It has become
essentially impossible to
effectively represent a man
against whom any allegation
of domestic violence has been
made." You are presumed
to be guilty when a woman
files such charges against
you. Even if you prove your
innocence, the State will
still presume you are guilty
unless, and until, you take
extraordinary, and expensive,
steps to clear your name and
record.
Note that
under feminist guidance, the
laws deliberately keep you
away from your wife and children.
By design, you will never
be given a chance to talk
things over with her, with
or without a mediator or counselor.
All negotiations will be done
by your attorneys or in court.
Can't afford
an attorney? Tough luck!
And the
State will pay her costs,
or force you to pay them.
All of this
is intended to make you less
violent. We think the opposite
is the more likely outcome.
In an October
10, 1999, article in the Orlando
Sentinel,
Kathleen Parker warns
that, because of abuses of
the law, many men are ready
to wage a revolution.
A society that will trade a
little liberty for a little
order will deserve neither and
lose both.
Nothing
is politically right which
is morally wrong.
Thomas
Jefferson
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