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TVol. 8, No. 3           The Fourteen Percenter           June 2005
A publication for parents on the wrong side of the standard possession order.
- I see my child two days out of every fourteen; 14%. That's not enough! - 

Read and Write
Eulogy for a Dead Beat Dad

Women's traditional support systems support women being vulnerable; men's traditional support systems support men being invulnerable. When a man fails as a wallet we put him in prison. When a woman fails as a mother, we offer her social services. Warren Farrell, "Father and Child Reunion: How to Bring Dads We Need to the Children We Love."

Today, someone asked about you. The question: How to distinguish you from the dead broke dads since both of you are in need of jobs and hard cash. Your life is in a spiral direction downward and maintaining the hope that life will get better becomes more difficult with each step you take.

Funny, sometimes the answers aren't readily there when we need them. Later the retort came to me - If these fathers are dead, why not let them rest in peace! To make it official, this Fathers Day we are planning a stateside funeral of all the Dead Beat/Dead Broke dads. The Department of Human Services from the Division of Families and Children and Child Support will be invited to bring their Deadbeat/Dead Broke case files to throw inside the coffin.

We will bury you with the fathers that raised you. The ones that kept reminding you, 'You are no good,' your alcoholic fathers, the ones that beat you for no reason leaving the scars to heal in the rain, and anger's heat.

Not to worry, dead beat and dead broke dads are not being invited, will not appear on the scene, after all, they have been dead too long. We fully understand dads are important to the family.

This funeral will be to remind us that the real question is about identifying, celebrating fathers/men who are ALIVE - struggling to be fathers for their children, men who really want to be good fathers without any real lesson plans, men who live in a world that takes a criminal approach to men and a social services approach to women.

We will celebrate you and the fathers we carry in our souls - men living, struggling daily to be good fathers and men.

Trinidad Sanchez, Jr.

Interactive Workshop
I have designed a workshop entitled Engaging Men's Hearts. It is an interactive workshop, in which participants listen to a few poems about being fathers and then asked to write a poem for their fathers and share them with the workshop participants. This workshop is oftentimes an emotional and difficult time for men, but participants always are grateful that they participated. 

 If you know of anyone who would be interested in this workshop. Have them contact me. 

Trinidad Sanchez, Jr., 2803 Fredericksburg Road, # 1215, San Antonio, Texas, 78201, 210-733-5167,
Request for Articles
The Fourteen Percenter is an international newsletter that seeks to promote equal parenting rights in the US, the UK, and worldwide. We welcome feedback, as well as any article, poem, or review relating to the child-parent bond. Send your letters to FourteenPercenter@yahoo.com
Read - Book Blurbs - Children's Books Featuring the Father 

'Daddy Books,' short stories written for toddlers and pre-schoolers in which fathers are featured, are becoming more popular - just as real-life dads are taking a larger role in the lives of their children. Many stores and libraries have developed Summer Reading Clubs to help develop in our children a love of literature; a perfect opportunity for the Summer Period of Possession for noncustodial parents. Read to your kids - and have them read to you. The Fourteen Percenter recommends you visit your local library or bookstore for these titles.  

Only My Dad and Me, by Alyssa Satin Capucilli, Tiphanie Beeke illustrator. Wind, rain, snow, or shine - a father and child can always find something to celebrate. The double flaps of this book reveal how time spent together can build a day, a season, and a lifetime of loving memories. Let this book become another happy moment shared with "only my dad and me." 

The Daddy Book, by Todd Parr. Here's a book about all different kinds of daddies: Some daddies have a lot of hair. Some daddies have a little hair. Some daddies work at home. Some daddies work far away. All daddies (and their kids) will love this book! Pictures represent a variety of fathers, making cookies and buying donuts, camping out and taking naps, and hugging and kissing their children. 

Daddy's Little Girl, by Bobby Burke, Horace Gerlach, Maggie Kneen illustrator. "You're the end of the rainbow, my pot of gold, \ You're daddy's little girl, to have and to hold " The song "Daddy's Little Girl" has been a favorite of fathers and daughters for more than fifty years. In this first ever picture-book version, an adoring rabbit daddy and his little bunny bring the moving lyrics to life as they share special moments that demonstrate the special bond reserved for daddies and their little girls. The full lyrics and music are included for the whole family to enjoy together. "Daddy's Little Girl" was written by Bobby Burke and Horace Gerlach in 1949. It was an instant hit, and has gone on to become a staple of wedding reception playlists for the dance shared by a bride and her father.  

"Daddy's Little Boy," a companion song written by Billy Collins in 1950, has been recorded by many artists, notably by the Mills Brothers, is considered an American standard. In this first ever picture-book version, a caring daddy bear and his little cub bring the moving lyrics to life as they bask in each other's love. The full lyrics and music are included for the whole family to enjoy together.  

I Love My Daddy Because, by Laurel Porter-Gaylord, Ashley Wolff illustrator. Cuddle up and take a child into the world of animals with this adorable concept book about parents and babies. The clever text borrows simple phrases from a child's experience to show that animal daddies take care of their young, too. Illustrated in soft, beautiful colors, this is the perfect book for sharing on a loving lap. This bilingual book contains the entire story in both English and Spanish.  

Dad Aren't You Glad, by Lynn Plourde, Amy Wummer illustrator. One day a little boy offers to lend his father a hand with all his chores. He paints the house (and much more), cuts the grass (with scissors), and puts up a tent (sort of). By the end of the day, Dad seems more tired than usual. "Well," says the boy, "maybe I still have some things to learn, but aren't you glad, Dad, that there's one Dad thing I can do just as good as you? Give a big smoocharoo!" This sweet and funny picture book is ideal for sharing on Father's Day or any day.

Froggy's Day with Dad, by Jonathan London, Frank Remkiewicz illustrator. Part of the Froggy series, this story has Froggy enjoying Fathers Day with his dad. The day starts with the typical kid-making-breakfast activities of messy cooking and dropped eggs. The egg shells are nice and crunchy, his dad says. Next, dad and son spend time at the park, playing bumper boats, using the batting cage and finally trying their hand at miniature golf. They wrap up the day with a homemade gift.  

My Daddy and Me, by Jerry Spinelli, Seymour Chwast illustrator. I can't wait for my daddy to come home from work. There are so many things to do! In a loving tribute to fathers and sons, Newbery Medalist Jerry Spinelli and New Yorker artist Seymour Chwast join talents to celebrate the very best moment of the day: when daddy comes home. A young boy describes the things he likes to do with his father, including making music, baking cookies, and fixing things. 

My Dad Is Awesome, by Nick Butterworth. Every father would like to receive this book for Father's Day, and read it his 2-4 year-old children. One of the best ways to be a good role model as a father is to be encouraged to be one. This book will make any father sit up straight, stick out his chest, and be the best he can be.  

Without You (Book and CD), by Sarah Weeks and Suzanne Duranceau. "Where would I be, \ what would I do, \ without you?" So sings a newborn penguin in this tender tribute to dads the world over. While a mother penguin leaves her mate and newly laid egg to go and feed in the deep blue sea, the father penguin protects the egg by holding it on his feet until it hatches. Father and chick huddle together, braving the Antarctic winter as they wait for the mother's return.Containing a free CD with a song written and sung by Sarah Weeks, "Without You" is a soothing narrative ballad that illuminates one of nature's rare and heartwarming role reversals and celebrates the special bond between father and child. 

Mister Seahorse, by Eric Carle. When Mrs. Seahorse lays her eggs on Mr. Seahorse's belly, she knows he will take good care of them - especially since he gets advice from other fatherly fish. Featuring colorfully surprising acetate overlays, Eric Carle has created a beautiful book, filled with the wonders of aquatic life. 

Daddy's Girl, by Garrison Keillor, Robin Preiss Glasser illustrator. What could be sweeter than the relationship between a daddy and his little girl? With his signature wit and warmth, beloved radio host and writer Garrison Keillor turns ordinary daily events - from diaper-changing and eating favorite foods to a walk through the neighborhood - into celebrations. And for those times when daddy and baby just have to dance, the book includes a CD of Keillor's live performances of the songs - plus bonus tracks.  

Daddy Promises, by Kerry Arquette. Beautiful keepsake gift book to help Dad remember the promises he has made and to encourage him to share those promises with his children. Perfect for new and expectant fathers, adopting fathers and dads with young children. 

The Fourteen Percenter thanks A-1 Product Distribution for donation of their printing services. Typesetting, binding, and laminating are other services available at 2015 McCullough in San Antonio, Texas. Contact 800-652-8477 or http://www.a1laminating.com/index.cfm
Fatherhood Proclamation for Fathers Day, 2005

Whereas We respect and nurture the humanity of men on their journey as fathers; and Whereas Fathers are committed to being a partner in healthy, supportive families and involved in the positive upbringing of children; and Whereas Fathers are engaged, loving, creative, resourceful, and provide rich resources for neighborhoods and communities; and Whereas Fathers are good role models for their children when they possess healthy self-esteem and are demonstrative of empathetic and pro-social behavior; and Whereas Fathers are involved in the education of their children so they may develop into loving, productive adults; and Whereas Fathers take advantage of support and opportunities to be the best Fathers they can be; and Whereas Families will grow and remain healthier and stronger if individuals, communities, government agencies, public and private organizations, institutions, and businesses assist, recognize and support Fathers on their journey of Fatherhood.

Now, therefore, The Fourteen Percenter hereby officially proclaims Fathers Day, Sunday - June 19, 2005, to be known as a day of appreciation and celebration of fathers and calls upon all state agencies, all social services, and all citizens to recognize and celebrate fathers who are connected with their children, dedicated to their families, and involved in their communities.

Don Mathis, Editor, The Fourteen Percenter 

You tell your father "I love you." is not easy. For we are taught to love women....not men. My father was the one I wanted to be near, to feel his strength, to know his passion  for life. The distance between us went unnoticed until that fateful day‑the phone call. It would be my first airplane ride from Cincinnati to Detroit, ironically, to be with him at death. Funny, for years I saved the ticket stub not sure whether to remind me of my first flight or his death. Standing next to him, I remember being strong‑ after all, I was his  namesake and others were expecting me to be a man.

The day I cried was months later, when I went to my mailbox for his weekly letters and poems. The box was empty‑no letter, no poems. I was so alone.   Lost.   Confused. I had been taught about sex, but no one had explained the overwhelming sensations that arrive with the death of the man who for twenty years, I called "papa." He lay so still, properly embalmed.

His amigos from the Monterrey Pool room paid their final respects. The priest said some stupid prayers. I cursed God for the strange feeling of being a young man without a father. I wanted to hug him one last time or would it be our first? The line from the poem he wrote to me, after my leaving home, "it was papa who took a drink and wanted to hug you tight". floated around
like a bad taste in my mouth. Now the distance between the family has separated us to different parts of the country. 

Mama, lost her voice, she quietly waits for your return at the Nightingale Nursing Home. She teaches us a lesson‑how sometimes death sneaks slowly up on you weakens you till your last breath. Now, I struggle to be father for my beautiful ten year old daughter. You are not here but I want you to know I don't blame you anymore. The poet in me wants to share a poem with you, make you smile, laugh but all I can do is tell the children " . . . my father was a poet." I feel so proud, at the precise moment when I express your words with my voice: but I remember too well how the first time I told my father

"I love you" . . . was not easy.

Trinidad Sánchez, Jr.