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New
Column: Letterman Case Shows
Problems with Restraining Orders |
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| January
18, 2006 |
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New
Column: Letterman Case Shows
Problems with Restraining
Orders
My latest
co-authored column,
Letterman Case Shows Problems
with Restraining Orders
(Albuquerque Tribune,
1/17/06), explains the
way many men's lives are
being devastated by the
use of restraining orders
based on false or unsubstantiated
domestic violence claims.
The Letterman case is an
example of how readily these
orders are handed out. Family
law attorney Jeff Leving
and I wrote:
"A
Santa Fe, New Mexico judge
recently granted a temporary
restraining order against
TV talk show host David
Letterman for a woman who
alleges that Letterman--who
works in New York City and
whom she has never met--has
mentally harassed her through
his TV broadcasts. According
to Colleen Nestler, Letterman
has caused her 'mental cruelty'
and 'sleep deprivation'
for over a decade, and has
used code words and gestures
during his broadcasts to
show her that he wanted
to marry her and train her
as his co-host.
"The
woman, who also claims that
Letterman and fellow celebrities
Regis Philbin and Kelsey
Grammer have been conspiring
against her, requested that
Letterman stay away from
her, not 'think' of her,
and 'release [her] from
his mental harassment and
hammering.'
"Letterman's
attorneys were able to get
the order dropped, and the
judge--who apparently never
thought to suggest to Nestler
that she use the 'off' button
on her TV--has made good
fodder for gossip columns
and news of the bizarre.
However, the case also demonstrates
a much larger though rarely
discussed problem--it is
far too easy to get a restraining
order based on a false allegation."
To learn
more about problems with
restraining orders and the
domestic violence system,
see:
Also, listen to the
His Side shows:
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Have You Been the Victim
of a Restraining Order Based
on a False Charge?
Have
you been the victim of a
restraining order based
on a false charge? The Albuquerque
Tribune, which ran the
Letterman/restraining order
column (see
The law against men,
1/17/06), might be interested
to hear your response to
the column. You can write
a Letter to the Editor at
letters@abqtrib.com.
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Girl Says Abuse Claims Were
Coerced by Mom During Custody
Fight
We've
discussed on many occasions
the terrible problem of
mothers using false charges
of child molestation against
fathers during custody fights.
The makers of Breaking
the Silence deny that
this problem exists, of
course. In my co-authored
column
PBS Declares War on Dads
(World
Net Daily, 10/20/05)
I wrote:
"Canadian
Senator Anne Cools, one
of the few public officials
in North America knowledgeable
about family law, calls
this tactic 'the heart of
darkness.' The accusations
are often used--very effectively--to
deprive fathers of a meaningful
role in their children's
lives after divorce or separation.
Reginald Brass, president
of My Child Says Daddy,
a parenting organization
which works with young African-American
fathers in Los Angeles,
says:
"'We
have many young fathers
who are fighting in the
courts to see their children
or to get joint custody
over a mother's hostility
or objections. If the man
has a daughter, we always
warn him that at some point
the mother will probably
accuse him of sexually molesting
his daughter. We see it
every day.'
"When
a father who has daughters
does succeed in getting
a desirable custody arrangement
over the objections of a
recalcitrant mother, it
is common practice among
family law attorneys to
advise the father that a
charge of sexual abuse may
be coming. According to
a study conducted by Douglas
J. Besharov and Lisa A.
Laumann and published in
Social Science and Modern
Society, the vast majority
of accusations of child
sexual abuse made during
custody battles are false,
unfounded or unsubstantiated.
"Cools,
a prominent feminist who
led Canada's battered women's
shelter movement during
the 1970s, explains:
"'There's
a plethora of cases where
the mother falsely accuses
the father of sexually abusing
the child. The accusation
is made in order to gain
advantage in custody disputes.
Governments are enormously
reluctant to look at it.
I've studied this extensively
and I've placed on the Canadian
Senate record 52 cases where
there was a finding that
the accusations were false,
and there are countless
more. Studies have shown
that under these circumstances
false accusations far outnumber
truthful ones.
"'It's
a terrible, terrible thing--for
the fathers and for the
children who've lost their
fathers. Some of those men
will never recover and they
have spent every penny left
to them to try to extricate
themselves. And I've seen
elderly parents who've spent
every dime of their retirement
to try to help their sons
get out of these horrible
situations.'"
As you
know, we extensively covered
the high-profile Bridget
Marks case, wherein a woman
who had been found by five
judges to have coached her
little girls to believe
that they had been sexually
molested by their father
was treated like a heroine
and a victim by the media.
(To learn more, click
here).
The following
ABC News article discuses
another nightmarish case--Texas
Girl Says Abuse Claims Were
Coerced by Mom: Cousins
Jailed for Molestations
She Now Claims Never Happened.
According to ABC:
"Sixteen-year-old
Stephanie Arena longs for
a normal girl's life, but
she is haunted by the fact
that she sent her teenage
cousins to prison for a
crime she now says they
didn't commit.
"The
sordid story began when
Stephanie, just 7 years
old at the time, was caught
in a bitter custody battle
between her parents, LaVonna
and Stephan Arena. Worried
that she'd lose her daughter,
LaVonna took Stephanie and
her brother from their home
in Texas to a Florida homeless
shelter. She then justified
the abduction by telling
social workers her kids
were being molested.
"Stephanie
now says her mother used
her as a tool to pry her
family apart and to get
her father to drop his custody
claim.
"'I
am responsible for putting
them in prison, and now
that I am older and I can
understand the consequences
of my actions, I need to
step up and do what I have
to [to] make things right'...
"Stephanie
has been trying to 'make
things right' since she
was 11, writing letters
of apology to both brothers
in prison.
"But
perhaps her bravest moment
came when she went public
with her story and returned
to court, two years after
accusing her cousins. She
faced the same judge and
prosecutor and told them
she had lied to them when
she said her cousins molested
her...
"It
appears, however, that LaVonna's
accusations are part of
a troubling pattern. Police
records and family testimony
suggest that on three different
occasions she has falsely
accused other family members
of abusing her kids, including
a charge against Stephanie's
father, Stephan Arena.
"I
believe it was in 2000 she
accused me and John and
Michael again -- while they
were incarcerated,"
he said.
"...[LaVonna's]
live-in boyfriend dropped
a bombshell, however, explaining
to 20/20 by phone that LaVonna
would like to tell the truth
and explain why she made
Stephanie lie. But, her
boyfriend said, 'LaVonna
is afraid she would go to
jail.'
"Stephanie
says it's that kind of attitude
that leaves her bitter."
One more
interesting point--they
write "Worried that
she'd lose her daughter,
LaVonna took Stephanie and
her brother from their home
in Texas to a Florida homeless
shelter. She then justified
the abduction by telling
social workers her kids
were being molested."
In other words, ABC is so
afraid of offending women
that they must immediately
include an excuse for this
woman's horrible crime--"worried
that she'd lose her daughter."
It's nonsense anyway, because
fit mothers rarely "lose"
their children (no, shared
custody is not "losing
your child"). And why
is it that when a father
loses custody and gets the
see your kid every other
weekend shaft, nobody says
he has "lost his kids"?
|
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fathers about their rights
during divorce litigation
while providing them with
concrete, practical resources
to get results in the courtroom.
DadsDivorce.com is a
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fathers facing divorce.
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Manipulating Children into
Making or Corroborating
False Charges
An
important element of Parental
Alienation Syndrome is the
way children can be manipulated
into making or corroborating
false charges. Ironically,
a few months ago the Los
Angeles Times just published
this article--McMartin
Pre-Schooler: 'I Lied':
A long-delayed apology from
one of the accusers in the
notorious McMartin Pre-School
molestation case--which
could serve as a textbook
for the method. Kyle Zirpolo,
now 30 years-old, writes:
"[As
a child] I remember them
asking extremely uncomfortable
questions about whether
Ray touched me and about
all the teachers and what
they did--and I remember
telling them nothing happened
to me. I remember them almost
giggling and laughing, saying,
'Oh, we know these things
happened to you. Why don't
you just go ahead and tell
us? Use these dolls if you're
scared.'
"Anytime
I would give them an answer
that they didn't like, they
would ask again and encourage
me to give them the answer
they were looking for. It
was really obvious what
they wanted...
"I
felt uncomfortable and a
little ashamed that I was
being dishonest. But at
the same time, being the
type of person I was, whatever
my parents wanted me to
do, I would do. And I thought
they wanted me to help protect
my little brother and sister
who went to McMartin...
"My
parents were very encouraging
when I said that things
happened. It was almost
like saying things happened
was going to help get these
people in jail and stop
them from what they were
trying to do to kids. Also,
there were so many kids
saying all these things
happened that you didn't
want to be the one who said
nothing did. You wouldn't
be believed if you said
that.
"I
remember feeling like they
didn't pick just anybody--they
picked me because I had
a good memory of what they
wanted, and they could rely
on me to do a good job.
I don't think they thought
I was telling the truth,
just that I was telling
the same stories consistently,
doing what needed to be
done to get these teachers
judged guilty. I felt special.
Important.
"It
always seemed like I was
thinking. I would listen
to what my parents would
say if they were talking,
or to what someone else
would say if we were being
questioned at the police
station or anywhere. And
I would repeat things. Or
if it wasn't a story I'd
heard, I would think of
something in my head. I
would try to think of the
worst thing possible that
would be harmful to a child.
I remember once I said that
if you had a cut, instead
of putting a Band-Aid on
it, the McMartin teachers
would put on dirt, then
put the Band-Aid over the
dirt. That was just something
in my head that was bad.
I just thought of it and
told [the investigators]...
"The
lawyers had all my stories
written down and knew exactly
what I had said before.
So I knew I would have to
say those exact things again
and not have anything be
different, otherwise they
would know I was lying.
I put a lot of pressure
on myself. At night in bed,
I would think hard about
things I had said in the
past and try to repeat only
the things I knew I'd said
before..."
|
Female-to-English Dictionary
Dr. Shoveen goes behind
the words that women use
to reveal their hidden meanings
and thought processes.
Help for Boston Dads
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Nick Palermo is a
shared custody advocate
who believes that divorced
dads are parents, not visitors.
The Law Offices of Nicholas
Palermo
is a dedicated and committed
trial law firm which has
worked to make shared custody
for all fit parents the
law of the land.
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PALERMO |
How Much Slack Does Jeff
Reardon Deserve?
From
One Very Wild Pitch: Did
drugs make a star hurler
rob a jewelry shop?
(Newsweek, 1/9/06).
"By
Christmas Day, Jeff Reardon
was a physical and emotional
wreck. The former star relief
pitcher was struggling through
a second holiday season
without his son Shane, who
died of a drug overdose
in 2004 and would have turned
22 last Thursday. 'I miss
you more than ever,' Reardon
wrote in a November entry
to a Web memorial for Shane.
To help numb the pain, Reardon,
50, was taking at least
five antidepressants, his
lawyer says. That was on
top of four or five heart
medications he was prescribed
after an angioplasty operation
on Dec. 23.
"The
day after Christmas, Reardon
went to a nearby mall in
Palm Beach Gardens, Fla.
Though he told his wife
and two surviving kids that
he was going to buy a coffeepot,
instead he entered a jewelry
store and slipped a sales
clerk a note demanding cash
and jewelry and claiming
that he had a gun, according
to a police affidavit. The
store manager gave him $170
in a bag. After leaving,
Reardon--who in fact had
no weapon--saw a security
guard in the parking lot,
went up to him and surrendered.
'I completely lost my mind,'
he wrote later in a statement
to police. 'I flipped on
my medications.'
"[Reardon]...was
sinking deep into depression.
Over the summer in Massachusetts,
where Reardon has family,
he would spend hours in
his room with the shades
drawn, says his mother,
Marion Cavanaugh. 'He just
couldn't get over' Shane's
death, she says, and even
began contemplating suicide.
Last month, says Cavanaugh,
Reardon spent a week in
a psychiatric facility.
Just before Christmas, a
psychiatrist prescribed
him three new antidepressants.
'He was on too many pills,'
says Cavanaugh."
Some
of my thoughts on the case:
1) I
think it is fair to be concerned
in this case that a wealthy
white celebrity is getting
(or might get) preferential
treatment. I certainly doubt
that a poor, middle-aged
black man who did the same
thing would get much sympathy
or slack from law enforcement.
2) I
was never fan of Reardon's,
so I do feel I can judge
him objectively. It was
apparent to me throughout
most of
Reardon's career that
he was badly overrated.
He was a good example of
a guy who built up a big
reputation by racking up
a lot of "saves,"
even though an average pitcher
in the same situations would
have saved most of those
games. The hardest bullpen
job is getting out of a
starter or previous pitcher's
jam--it's relatively easy
to pile up one inning saves,
as Reardon did.
3) One
incident from his career
I do remember clearly, and
it doesn't speak favorably
of us baseball fans. It
happened in Montreal (where
Reardon pitched for the
Expos) in 1982 or 1983.
Reardon's wife was honored
at the stadium for some
charity work she had done.
Reardon had been pitching
poorly around that time,
and when his wife's name
was announced for the charity
work, the fans actually
booed her. Nice going guys.
4) Reardon
is wealthy and famous, but
not all wealth and fame
is the same. Some people
are wealthy and famous for
doing great services to
humanity--certainly Reardon
isn't one of them. On the
other hand, many people
are famous and/or wealthy
because they were born into
money, were lucky, or are
just riding on their good
looks. I guess Paris Hilton
qualifies on all three counts.
Reardon isn't one of them,
either--the man earned his
wealth and fame through
hard work and an ability
that few have.
5) When
I was in my early 20s a
friend of mine committed
suicide. My friend had had
a lot of conflicts with
his father. We were told
that his father was very
rigid and demanding. (At
the time I believed this,
though as the father of
a teenager I'm a lot more
skeptical now when I hear
fathers being described
as strict or demanding).
It's been almost 20 years
but I can still clearly
remember the pain etched
in his father's face at
the funeral. I doubt I'll
ever forget it.
6) Were
one of my children to die--particularly
in such a senseless way--my
grief would be so overwhelming
that I might have a hard
time keeping my sanity,
too.
My conclusion:
perhaps I'm a sucker, but
I definitively think Reardon
deserves some slack.
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David Blankenhorn on Benjamin
Franklin
David
Blankenhorn,
The American Apostle of
Thrift (The Weekly
Standard, 1/1706), has
an interesting new article
on Benjamin Franklin and
the ethic of thrift.
The most
important part of it, in
my view, is Franklin's quote
that "wealth is not
his that has it, but his
that enjoys it." Translating
that into family policy--since
both Blankenhorn and I are
interested it--it's always
seemed to me that many couples
break up because each person
focuses on what the other
person doesn't
or can't do, instead
of appreciating what the
other person does
or can do.
My humble
opinion is that one of the
biggest keys to getting
what you want in a relationship
is the ability to accept
weaknesses in a spouse or
potential mate. Inability
to do so will almost always
destroy a relationship (or
prevent one from getting
started to begin with).
Being able to accept weaknesses
expands the range of people
available to you, which
increases your ability to
find the qualities you want
in a mate.
Perhaps
Franklin would agree.
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|
Sigh...The Feminists Have
a Point on This One
Feminist
blogger
PinkoFeministHellcat
has an extended
entry on the ways she
believes men's rights activists
(MRAs)
unfairly blame feminists
for so many of society's
problems. Some of what she
says is the usual man and
MRA-bashing. However, in
some ways she has a point.
As I once said on the radio:
"Over
the past three decades women
and feminists have locked
men into endless double-binds,
where whatever men do, they're
wrong. However, on a much
smaller scale, men's activists
have begun to lock women
into double binds, too.
"For
example, when groups such
as the National Organization
for Women oppose the war
in Iraq, we accuse them
of betraying the men who
are abroad putting their
lives on the line for our
country. Yet when women
support military action
(like the war hawk columnist/talk
show host Tammy Bruce) we
say 'yes, you want to send
all the men off to die and
women don't even have to
register for the draft!'
"When
women want a larger role
in the military, we point
to biological gender differences
and say women will screw
up the military. When they
don't, we talk about how
unfair it is that only men
get drafted.
"When
a mother pursues her career,
some MRAs blame her for
putting her self-fulfillment
above her kids. Yet if she
doesn't work, she's condemned
for burdening her husband
and not pulling her weight.
"Many,
such as radio talk show
host Tom Leykis, condemn
women for grinding out children
they and their husbands
can't afford. Yet they are
the first ones to call a
woman who looks for a wealthy
man a 'gold-digger.' And
the guy who blames feminists
for the loose sexual morality
and mores of modern society
is the first guy to condemn
the woman who won't put
out."
I
frankly find the "blame
every damn thing in the
world that's wrong on feminists"
line of thinking rather
frustrating. Feminists have
caused a lot of problems
but have done some positive
work, too, though that's
mostly in the past. And
as I've said many times,
chivalrous males often cause
as much damage as the feminists
do.
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Sharing Power in the Home
There's
an interesting interview
with
Paul Coughlin, author
of
No More Christian Nice Guy:
When Being Nice--Instead
of Good--Hurts Men, Women,
and Children, on
Crosswalk.com
here. I found the section
below about sharing power
in the home particularly
noteworthy. Coughlin says:
"Men
don't have much of a say
in their homes....Their
wives usually control most
if not all of their social
schedule. And some wives
misuse this power by cutting
out their husband's friends
and sometimes their family.
This is abuse by another
name.
"Wives
have not been encouraged
to restrain their verbal
strength the way husbands
have been told to control
their physical strength.
Wives shouldn't misuse their
verbal superiority when
arguing. They should withhold
this strength in order to
make their verbal disagreements
more fair and beneficial
for everyone involved.
"Some
women don't understand or
appreciate masculinity given
how an entire generation
has been raised to be suspicious
of men. Fathers must not
allow this lack of appreciation
of masculinity to be unleashed
upon their sons."
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Legal Help for Fathers
If you live in Los Angeles,
Riverside or Orange counties
and you're facing a divorce,
separation, or a child custody
issue, the law firm of Oddenino
& Gaule can help.
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|
Critique of Breaking
the Silence Reveals
Numerous Falsehoods in Film
Fathers & Families
of Massachusetts conducted
an extensive review of the
assertions made in Breaking
the Silence: Children's
Stories and found numerous
falsehoods and half-truths.
The group detailed these
in its document
A Critique of the Scientific
Basis for Key Assertions
in Breaking the Silence:
Children's Stories.
The
report found that while
the film and those connected
to it repeatedly asserted
that batterers win shared
or sole custody approximately
67% of the time, the only
data available in the publications
cited shows results of between
3% and 18%.
The
Fathers & Families report
also asserts:
"No
data whatsoever are presented
to support the film's central
assertion that 75% of fathers
who seek custody of their
children over the mother's
objections are batterers.
The references cited by
the film's supporters in
most cases are a round-robin
of assertions, in which
the same pool of authors
repeatedly cites each other's
opinions, without supporting
data."
The
film's defenders cited a
supportive document which
they claimed was written
by the American Judges Association.
In fact, it was instead
written by the American
Judges Foundation, a group
which does not consist of
judges but instead of advocates
who seek to "educate"
and influence judges. The
AJF's lead author was in
fact feminist advocate Dr.
Lenore Walker. Walker is
known as the architect of
the controversial "battered
woman syndrome" defense
of women who kill the men
whom they claim abused them.
The
document also noted that
professor Murray Straus,
a noted and widely published
domestic violence researcher,
has charged in writing that
two of his research studies
have been misrepresented
in the Viewer's Guide that
accompanies the film.
In addition, while the film
asserts that "children
are in most danger from
their fathers, according
to Straus, "The evidence
from many studies, including
Federal statistics on child
abuse, shows that mothers
physically abuse children
at a slightly higher rate
than fathers."
The
entire Fathers & Families
report can be read by clicking
here.
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Hartford Courant: PBS
Snubs Producers of Breaking
the Silence
PBS's
anti-father documentary
Breaking the Silence:
Children's Stories was
co-produced by Connecticut
Public Television and Tatge/Lasseur
Productions. Roger Catlin,
the Hartford Courant's
TV Critic, today noted that
PBS is "responding
to harsh criticism"
of the documentary "by
commissioning a second documentary
on the same subject to air
this spring. But CPTV won't
be producing it."
In his
new column
2nd Child-Custody Program
To Air: PBS Says This Time
CPTV Won't Produce Program
(Hartford Courant,
1/6/05), Catlin quoted from
PBS's December 21 statement
that the hourlong documentary
commissioned for spring
2006 "will allow ample
opportunity for doctors,
psychologists, judges, parent
advocates and victims of
abuse to have their perspectives
shared, challenged and debated."
According
to Catlin:
"It
is not clear who will make
the follow-up documentary,
PBS spokeswoman Jan McNamara
said Wednesday. 'Our programming
department is talking to
a number of filmmakers outside
of Breaking the Silence's
producers,' she said. But,
she added, CPTV will not
co-produce again. 'It would
be done by another production
team.'"
Newspaper
columnist Glenn Sacks, one
of the leaders of the protest
campaign against the film,
noted that "McNamara
and PBS appear to be trying
hard to walk right down
the middle on this without
alienating either side.
That's fine--all we wanted
from the beginning was balance.
If PBS had taken a balanced
approach to Breaking
the Silence: Children's
Stories, there would
never have been this controversy."
In his
column Catlin also noted
that Corporation for Public
Broadcasting ombudsman Ken
Bode "called PBS' decision
for a second documentary
'welcome news,' but said
its timetable gives it 'a
very short deadline.'"
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|
Glenn Discusses Restraining
Orders on The Bob Conners
Morning Show
I discussed
abuse of restraining orders
and the David Letterman
case on
The Bob Conners Morning
Show on
610 WTVN-AM in Columbus,
Ohio on Thursday, January
5. In my co-authored column
PBS's
Breaking the Silence:
Family Law in the Funhouse
Mirror (Albany Times
Union, 10/20/05, Norfolk
Virginian-Pilot, 10/24/05)
I noted:
"Many
courts grant restraining
orders to practically any
woman who applies, and research
shows that these orders
often do not even involve
an allegation of violence.
Once the order is issued,
the father is booted out
of his marital home and
can even be jailed if he
tries to contact his own
children.
"By
the time the court decides
custody, a firm precedent
has already been set that
mom is the primary caretaker,
and she will likely get
sole (or de facto sole)
custody. The father is pushed
to the margins of his own
children's lives even though
he has never been found
guilty of any wrongdoing
or criminal offense...[this
gives] mothers veto power
over fathers' fatherhood."
Best
Wishes,
Glenn Sacks
GlennSacks.com
HisSide.com
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