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Child
Abductor Demands That Military Dad
Post $100,000 to See His Own Son |
| |
| February
28, 2006 |
| |
Child
Abductor Demands That Military
Dad Post $100,000 to See
His Own Son
Out of
the endless injustices our
family law system has visited
upon children and the fathers
they love and need, few
match the story of Gary
S. and his son. In my column
The Betrayal of the Military
Father (Los Angeles
Daily News, 5/4/03)
I wrote:
"When
Gary, a San Diego-based
US Navy SEAL, was deployed
in Afghanistan in the wake
of the terrorist attacks
on the World Trade Center,
he never dreamed that his
service to his country would
cost him his little son.
Gary's son was not taken
from him by a terrorist
or a kidnapper. This 17-year
Navy veteran with an unblemished
military and civilian record
was effectively stripped
of his right to be a father
by a California court. |
|
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|
"Gary's
story is not an unusual
one. Under the Uniform Child
Custody Jurisdiction and
Enforcement Act, if a parent
takes a child to a new state,
that new state becomes the
child's presumptive residence
after six months. Because
a normal military deployment
is six months or more, if
an unhappily married military
spouse moves to another
state while the other spouse
is deployed, by the time
the deployed spouse returns
the child's residence has
already been switched. Since
courts lean heavily in favor
of a child's primary caregiver
when determining custody,
the spouse who moved the
child is virtually certain
to gain custody through
the divorce proceedings
in that new state.
"Because
of the strict restrictions
on travel by active military
personnel, the cost of legal
representation, and the
financial hardships created
by child support and spousal
support obligations, it
is very difficult for returning
service personnel to fight
for their parental rights
in another state. Many struggle
even to see their children,
much less remain a meaningful
part of their lives, and
the bond between the children
and their noncustodial parent
is often broken for years,
if not permanently.
"Gary
has not been able to see
his son, who now lives abroad,
in nearly nine months. When
he calls he can sometimes
hear the three year-old
ask 'when daddy come?' and
'where's daddy?' in the
background but he is often
prevented from speaking
with him...
"Gary
has lost nearly $100,000
so far fighting for his
son and may soon be forced
to declare bankruptcy, which
in turn will destroy the
top secret security clearance
he needs for his job. Worse
yet is the emotional devastation
wrought by his separation
from his son and the knowledge
that he may never see him
again. He says:
"'My
love for my son cannot simply
be brushed aside as the
courts seem to believe it
can. I can remember holding
my little son's hand like
it was yesterday. I can
remember his cry. I hear
it every time I hear another
child crying.'
"'Sometimes
I wonder what I risked my
life [in Afghanistan] for.
I went to fight for freedom
but what freedom and what
rights mean anything if
a man doesn't have the right
to be a father to his own
child?'
Gary's
former wife abducted his
son to Israel while Gary
was in Afghanistan in November
of 2001. Last year a California
court admitted that it erred
in allowing this injustice
to occur and in permitting
the jurisdiction for the
case to be moved to Israel.
In the three years since,
Gary has waged a long, hard
battle to be allowed to
visit his son and have his
son visit him in the US.
Gary
has repeatedly received
excellent reviews from all
relevant evaluators, psychologists,
and social workers. His
ex-wife's father is very
wealthy and has used his
fortune to finance his daughter's
attempts to eliminate Gary
from his son's life. Gary
has had to finance everything--including
trips to Israel at $5,000
each--out of his Navy SEAL
salary.
Last
May an Israeli judge agreed
that Gary's son should visit
him in the US for Christmas.
The ex-wife protested and
demanded a new psychological
evaluation, which the judge
granted. The evaluation
came back firmly on Gary's
side. Those familiar with
our family court system
already know what I'm about
to write--the mom didn't
allow the visit anyway.
Now Gary
is fighting to have his
son spend two weeks with
him over this coming summer.
The ex-wife is demanding
that Gary put up $100,000
bond for the visit, knowing
that Gary has nothing close
to that amount of money.
(One of the reasons he doesn't
is that for many years he
paid $2,150 a month in "child
support" to his ex-wife
to help finance her abduction
of his son). In a classic
case of psychological projection,
the woman who abducted the
child wants Gary to post
the money so--guess what--Gary
won't keep the boy in the
U.S.
Mom is
also demanding that she
be allowed to come to the
US to be with her son while
the boy is visiting his
father (so she can interfere
and alienate) and (of course)
is demanding that Gary pay
for it. Gary is having to
fight all of this out on
limited funds in Israeli
courts in a language (Hebrew)
he doesn't speak.
Gary
lost his son while he was
risking his life to help
wipe out Al Qaeda, the enemy
of both the U.S. and Israel.
Yet neither the US nor Israel
has lifted a finger to help
reunite Gary with the son
who loves him and needs
him. Thanks, soldier...
One
Positive Thing
One positive
thing has come out of this
tragedy--after
I wrote about Gary in
the Los Angeles Daily
News, California State
Senator
Bill Morrow was so outraged
by my column that he began
working with Sacramento
lobbyist Mike Robinson and
the
California Alliance for
Families and Children
to help military dads. The
result was
SB 1082. The bill helps
military dads, though the
original language to help
abduction cases like Gary's
did not make it through.
Schwarzenegger
signed the bill in August,
and its success helped give
impetus to a
Michigan bill to help
military parents with their
custody issues.
Learn
More about Gary's Case
Gary
has appeared on
His
Side with Glenn Sacks
twice--Two
Years into Iraq War, Little
Has Been Done to Protect
the Rights of Military Fathers
(3/13/05) and
A Hero's Service Costs Him
His Right to be a Father
(4/6/03). To read "Sean's
Song," the Navy lullaby
Gary wrote and used to sing
to his little son, click
here. If you'd like
to write to Gary, click
here.
Hero
Fathers
Last
Father's Day I introduced
the term "hero father"
to refer to fathers like
Gary in my co-authored column
Not the Era of the Deadbeat
Dad but the Era of the Hero
Father (Ft. Worth
Star-Telegram, 6/19/05).
We wrote:
"Fatherhood
has changed dramatically
in the era of divorce and
out of wedlock births, and
much attention has been
paid to two unfortunate
products of this era--the
absent father and the deadbeat
dad. However, there is another
type of father this era
has produced, one which
has received very little
attention--the hero father.
"According
to the Children's Rights
Council, a Washington-based
advocacy group, more than
five million American children
each year have their access
to their noncustodial parents
interfered with or blocked
by custodial parents. Behind
that statistic are legions
of heroic divorced or separated
fathers who fight a long,
hard but generally unrecognized
battle to remain a meaningful
part of the lives of the
children who love them and
need them...
"Over
the past several decades
the love and devotion of
millions of fathers has
been tested in ways few
in previous generations
experienced. This Father's
Day, let's honor the hero
father."
Other
Hero Fathers I've discussed
include:
David Chick,
Gary LaMusga,
Jolly Stansby,
Ron Davis,
Edgar P.,
John Brumbaugh, and
Benoit Leroux. I also
discussed the Hero Father
last year on Father's Day
on
His Side with Glenn Sacks--to
listen, click
here.
|
New Edition of
Leving's Divorce Magazine
Now Online
The second edition of
Leving's Divorce Magazine,
the new magazine for the
modern divorced men, is
now available online with
articles focusing on issues
such as men's reproductive
rights (or lack thereof),
Parental Alienation Syndrome
and child support. Visit
now and get a free subscription.
The Second Wives Club
The Second Wives Club is
what women in blended families
are looking for: Remarriage,
divorce, child custody,
and step parenting discussed
in a solution-oriented,
mature, and intelligent
way; articles and news written
by thought-provoking experts
and journalists; personal
accounts and advice from
some of life's most interesting
women.
www.SecondWivesClub.com |
A Father's Race to Reach
the Hospital Where His Daughter
Lay Dying
Part
of our movement's problem
is that some people don't
seem to take fathers' love
for their children very
seriously. This is a result
of several factors, including:
the small minority of fathers
who really don't care about
their children; the claims
of vindictive mothers who
try to push fathers out
of their children's lives;
societal disregard for men's
sentiments on such issues;
and misguided feminists'
misportrayals of fathers
as uncaring and irresponsible.
I recently
read a telling commentary
on this issue--a father's
heart-wrenching account
of the hours after his daughter
was fatally injured in an
auto accident. It was written
by Jim Bouton, a star pitcher
for the New York Yankees
during the 1960s who wrote
the controversial mega-best
seller Ball Four.
I've always admired Bouton,
and I interviewed him for
a business magazine I was
working for when I was in
my early 20s.
Ball
Four was written in
1969 but every decade Bouton
has added a new epilogue--Ball
Five, Ball Six and then,
in 1999, Ball Four: The
Final Pitch. Bouton's
31 year-old daughter Laurie
was killed in a car crash
in 1997--here
is Bouton's account of his
desperate attempt to reach
the hospital where his daughter
laid dying. If you can read
it without a tear welling
up in your eye you're a
better man than I.
My father
always said the worst part
of seeing your kids grow
up was the thought of them
driving cars around God
knows where. Bouton's story
is every parent's worst
nightmare, and it reminded
me of something my father
told me when I was 18 and
had gone away for my freshman
year of college. My mother
and father received a call
at 3 in the morning telling
them that my uncle died.
My father later told me
"When the phone rang
at that hour and I found
out your uncle had died
I was happy--I thought it
was you." |
The American Coalition for
Fathers and Children
The American Coalition for
Fathers and Children is
dedicated to creating a
family law system which
promotes equal rights for
all parties affected by
divorce. Contact the
ACFC at 1-800-978-3237 or
visit them on the web at
www.acfc.org.
Lisa Scott Launches RealFamilyLaw.com
Shared Parenting Advocate/Family
Law Attorney Lisa Scott
has just launched
www.RealFamilyLaw.com
to expose the truth about
what is happening in our
family law system. Lisa,
the all-time leader in appearances
on His Side with Glenn
Sacks, says that she
was "tired of having
her stuff rejected by elitist
bar publications and politically-correct
newspapers" and decided
to start her own website.
www.RealFamilyLaw.com
|
Sackson Horde Bombards Sacks-bashing
Salon Blogger
Last
week
I mentioned midway through
the enewsletter that prominent
left-wing Salon blogger
World O'Crap criticized
my co-authored column
Letterman Case Shows Problems
with Restraining Orders
(Albuquerque Tribune,
1/17/06), saying that
I "can't actually write,
although he tries really
hard" and that I "hate
women."
My column
had made the point that
the Letterman case "demonstrates
a much larger though rarely
discussed problem--it is
far too easy to get a restraining
order based on a false allegation...Many
if not most domestic violence
restraining orders are simply
tactical maneuvers designed
to gain advantage in high
stakes family law proceedings."
Apparently
some of my readers didn't
take too kindly to World
O'Crap's Sacks bashing.
Dripping with sarcasm, World
O'Crap
writes:
"It
seems that I wronged a great
American a few days ago
when I poked fun at Glenn
Sacks...[I've been] flooded
with emails telling me...that
I am a jerk for having wronged
Glenn Sacks, who is the
kindest, bravest, warmest,
most infallible human being
they've ever known in their
lives."
What's
interesting is that there
was all this furor and I
had no idea that anybody
had even written to this
blogger until I stumbled
upon the blog several days
later. I guess the Horde
has my back--thanks...
To write
to World O'Crap, email
slzoll@aol.com or click
here.
World
O'Crap, Gender Politics
and Partisan Politics
The discussion
on World O'Crap is an interesting
illustration of the way
gender politics overlaps
with partisan politics.
I've long criticized the
Democrats for needlessly
alienating the male vote
and driving men out of the
party. In my column
Michael Moore, You Used
to Be My Hero (Fredericksburg
Free Lance-Star, 2/8/04)
I discussed my original
admiration for Moore:
"Back
in the days of your pro-worker
documentary Roger &
Me (1989), I was working
construction at a power
plant in the South and you
were the one public figure
who seemed to speak for
working men. The one who
questioned the right of
a business to take what
it wants from a community
and then pull out in search
of cheaper labor, leaving
a trail of unemployment
and broken lives behind.
The one who opposed union
busting and corporate plunder.
"Spending every day
hanging by my hook belt
off the side of a rebar
skeleton 50 feet up in the
air, my life seemed to be
out of a Michael Moore documentary..."
After
listening to years of Moore's
relentless man-bashing (which
I detail in the article)
I came to the following
conclusion:
"More
importantly, is it any wonder
that men, including working
class men, spurn the political
party you shill for? According
to a recently released ABC/Washington
Post poll, white men (pardon
me, Michael, stupid
white men) preferred Bush
over an unnamed Democrat
in 2004 by a staggering
33 points.
"...the biggest reason
men have turned away from
your party is simple--why
should men support a party
which doesn't support them?
Why go to a party nobody
invited you to? Why go where
you're clearly not welcome?
"Michael, it saddens
me that the beleaguered
men at that power plant
have lost a valuable friend
and gained one more enemy.
It saddens me to watch you
and your party marginalize
yourselves and slowly commit
political suicide by spitting
on those who once admired
and supported you. And when
your party gets trounced
among male voters in 2004,
I know what explanation
you'll give. In fact, you've
already written it in Stupid
White Men: 'men are
just not as smart as women.'"
My
Daughter's Schoolyard Story
When
I picked up my second grade
daughter from school the
other day she announced
she was "crying a lot
today." This is unusual,
since my daughter is an
extremely happy, energetic
child. I asked her what
happened and she said:
"I
had a fight with my friend
Daniela. She wanted my place
in line and started screaming
at me over and over. I cried
about it during recess and
I was crying about it at
lunch, too. Then Daniela
came over and apologized.
She said she has been very
upset lately. She says her
parents got divorced, she
doesn't get to see her dad
much anymore and she misses
her mom because she has
to work. She says she's
very sad."
No comment.
|
Help, Resources for Dads
The
National Fathers' Resource
Center is a division
of
Fathers For Equal Rights,
Inc. (FER), located
in Dallas, Texas, with offices
in both Dallas and Houston.
In existence for over three
decades, it has services
and resources for dads nationwide
and is one of the largest
and most active fathers'
rights organizations in
the U.S.
www.fathers4kids.org
The Secrets of Happily Married
Men
How can a man achieve a
long and happy marriage?
If you've been checking
out advice columns
or seeing a therapist, you
may have been looking in
the wrong place. Despite
all the advances in brain
technology, and all of that
we have learned about developmental
psychology--men and women
are given the same advice
about solving problems.
But when we ask men what
works for them, we hear
a different story.
www.SecretsofMarriedMen.com
|
Impact of Fathers on Teenage
Girls' Sexual Activity:
Texas Sociologist,
Chris Rock Weigh In
Brad
Wilcox of the Institute
for American Values posted
the entry
Dads' Love Equals Girls
Virginity on the Family
Scholars Blog. Wilcox writes:
"Mark
Regnerus, a sociologist
at the University of Texas,
finds that teenage girls
who have high-quality relationships
with their fathers are significantly
more likely to remain virgins,
in an
article published this
month in the Journal
of Family Issues. Teenage
boys' sexual activity, by
contrast, was not affected
by the quality of the relationship
with their father. Mother-child
relationships did not affect
either boys' or girls' sexual
activity. I guess those
father-daughter dances really
do pay off.
"His
sample is teenagers with
both their biological parents
in the home. I'd hazard
a guess that the results
would have been even stronger
had he included children
in stepfamilies and single-parent
families...
"Bottom
line: Dads appear to matter
more than mothers in promoting
the virginity of teenage
girls."
It reminds
me of a Chris Rock routine.
He's pushing his daughter
in the baby stroller and
realizes that "I'm
the man in her life...everything
that happens between her
and men the rest of her
life is going to be colored
by what happens between
us." To listen, click
here.
Before
We All Go Jumping Into Bed
Together...
This
story--Roseland
Council president runs for
Legislature--has been
getting a lot of play on
men's and fathers' websites
and elists, and many are
applauding. According to
the article:
"Town
Council president Dorothy
Snyder doesn't like a bill
that would have forced out
officeholders who are behind
in child support - including
her husband - so she is
running against the state
lawmaker who proposed it.
"State
Rep. Ryan Dvorak's bill
would have required officeholders
who are more than $15,000
in arrears to give up their
offices. The Democrat said
he still supports the measure,
which was never given a
committee hearing in the
General Assembly.
"He
said the idea was inspired
by David Snyder - Dorothy
Snyder's husband and a Roseland
councilman - who in November
owed more than $90,000 in
child support, his ex-wife,
Julianne Mayfield, told
the South Bend Tribune...
"Dorothy
Snyder has filed her candidacy
for the Democratic nomination
in Dvorak's northern Indiana
District 8...She said she
wants to run because she
is troubled over treatment
of noncustodial parents
in Indiana.
"'My
concern is about the civil
rights of noncustodial parents
and the destructive effect
of demonizing any group
of people which is not good
for children of divorce,
and it is not good for families
in Indiana,' she said."
I love
seeing a candidate run for
noncustodial parents' rights.
However, the men's and fathers'
websites and elists promoting
Dorothy Snyder have ignored
the fact that her
husband owes $90,000 in
back child support. I beg
to differ--I think it is
appropriate to ask why the
father is so far behind.
It would
be wrong to assume--as most
people, including feminists
and chivalrous males will
do--that David Snyder is
a deadbeat who abandoned
his kids. This is unfair--as
I've written on numerous
occasions, many so-called
"deadbeat" parents
are instead simply dead
broke. In my co-authored
column
Virginia Declares War on
Deadbroke Dads (Norfolk
Virginian-Pilot, 8/30/05),
I wrote:
"A
laborer. A cashier. A carnival
hired hand. A construction
worker. All with children.
Are they the featured men
and women in a newspaper
article about hard times
in the state of Virginia?
The hopefuls for a local
job training program? The
applicants for emergency
relief? No--they are the
'deadbeat parents' who top
the list of Virginia's 'Most
Wanted' for falling behind
on child support. These
three men and one woman
together somehow owe well
over a quarter of a million
dollars in back child support.
"Virginia's Division
of Child Support Enforcement
is stepping up its campaign
against low income non-custodial
parents like these by publishing
newspaper ads with their
photos and mug-shot-like
listings of their height,
weight, home city, and amount
owed. Officials have justified
these humiliating tactics
by their contention that
Virginia's unpaid child
support currently totals
$2.1 billion. This claim
is extremely misleading.
"Federal Office of
Child Support Enforcement
data shows that two-thirds
of those who owe child support
nationwide earned less than
$10,000 in the previous
year. According to the largest
federally funded study of
divorced fathers ever conducted,
unemployment, not willful
neglect, is the largest
cause of failure to pay
child support...
"The driving force
behind child support arrearages
is not bad parents, but
instead rigid child support
systems which are mulishly
impervious to the economic
realities noncustodial parents
face, such as layoffs, wage
cuts, and work-related injuries.
According to the Urban Institute,
less than one in 20 non-custodial
parents who suffer substantial
income drops are able to
get courts to reduce their
child support payments.
In such cases, the amounts
owed mount quickly, as do
interest and penalties.
"Compounding the problem
is the fact that the federal
Bradley amendment bars judges
from retroactively forgiving
child support arrearages,
even when they determine
that the arrearage occurred
through no fault of the
obligor...
"The top 'wanted parents'
lists put out by most states
are almost exclusively comprised
of poor and working class
men who do low wage and
often seasonal work, and
who owe fantastic sums of
money which they could never
hope to pay off. A person
with a college degree--not
to mention an accountant,
lawyer, businessman or banker--is
a rare find on these lists.
The pot of child support
gold which Virginia officials
profess they'll find if
they get tough on deadbeats
simply does not exist."
However, at the same time,
it would also be wrong to
assume that David Snyder
is simply a victim of the
system. There are fathers
who behave irresponsibly
towards their children,
and he might be one of them.
I'd like a little more information
before we all go jumping
into bed together.
|
DadsDivorce.com informs
fathers about their rights
during divorce litigation
while providing them with
concrete, practical resources
to get results in the courtroom.
DadsDivorce.com is a popular
meeting place for fathers
facing divorce. |
Did Andrea Yates Kill Her
Kids Because Russell Yates
Wouldn't Allow Her to Put
Them in Day Care?
According
to the
Associated Press:
"Andrea
Yates once advised a fellow
inmate that she could escape
prosecution by pretending
to be mentally ill and persuading
a psychiatrist she suffered
from serious disorders,
according to court documents
filed Thursday by prosecutors.
"Felicia Doe, who spent
four days in a jail block
with Yates in 2002, told
prosecutors last year that
Yates instructed her not
to eat, not to speak properly
and not to be friendly or
open in front of people
if she wanted to 'beat her
case.'
"Yates, who is awaiting
a new trial in the drowning
of her young children, allegedly
told Doe that if she could
get the jail psychiatrist
on her side, they could
testify to her mental health,
and they couldn't prosecute
her if she was sick, according
to the documents, which
describe interviews with
witnesses who could be called
during Yates' trial...
"Doe, who could not
be reached for comment,
also told prosecutors that
Yates disclosed details
of the slayings, explaining
that she locked a door so
her oldest son, 7-year-old
Noah, could not escape the
house and describing him
as crying so hard he vomited.
"'She hit his head
against the bathtub several
times in an effort to incapacitate
him,' Doe told prosecutors.
"Another inmate, Lynnette
Licantino, told prosecutors
Yates said her children
'were just too much' and
that her husband at the
time, Russell Yates, would
not let her put them in
day care."
The defense disputes Roe's
allegations. I don't know
what to make of them--I've
always been skeptical of
the testimony of cellmates
or jailhouse informants,
and I'm not sure if this
testimony is any better.
For me,
the saddest part of this
case was this: while a couple
of the boys were being drowned,
they continued to try to
fight their way to the surface
of the bathtub and kept
saying "I'm sorry,
I'm sorry." The little
boys' only understanding
of why their mother could
do something like this to
them was that they had done
something wrong. In their
last living moments they
struggled to apologize.
In the
aftermath of the decision
Russell Yates was widely
blamed for the murders.
I appeared on numerous radio
shows in Texas at the time
defending Russell and often
felt afterwards as if I
were defending a murderer
instead of a guy who's only
"crime" was having
a mentally-disturbed wife
and not knowing what to
do about it. The strange
religious beliefs which
both Russell and Andrea
shared also contributed
to their problems.
At the
time I wrote the only opinion
column to appear in a major
US publication which defended
Yates--In
Defense of a Flawed but
Decent Russell Yates
(Houston Chronicle, 3/11/02).
I was drawn to the Yates
case through personal experience.
I've never discussed this
publicly, but many years
ago I lived with a mentally
ill woman to whom I was
engaged to be married. I
know a little about the
confusion, denial, frustration
and heartache that Russell
Yates must have experienced.
It's a world of shadows,
where nothing works and
everything you do is wrong.
My experience was a trauma,
his was worse than any nightmare.
In the column I wrote:
""It's
a shame that there's no
law that can give Russell
Yates his due,' writes syndicated
columnist Debra Saunders.
'Russell Yates ought to
be locked up instead of
his wife,' says writer Cindy
Hasz. Creators Syndicate's
Froma Harrop sneers that
he probably 'misses the
obedient drudge who bore
and raised his five children
more than the five children.'
Harsh words for Russell
Yates have come from many
others, particularly former
O. J. Simpson prosecutor
Marcia Clark.
"What these and others
forget is that it's hard
to make the right decision
when you don't have a lot
of options. According to
Andrea Yates' brother, Andrew
Kennedy, Russell Yates 'did
his best....He trusted the
doctors and he did everything
they said to do. He made
sure she took her medication.'
"Psychiatrist Mohammed
Saeed took Yates off the
drug Haldol on June 4. Russell
Yates, worried about his
wife, brought her back to
Dr. Saeed on June 18. The
doctor said he saw no sign
of psychosis and sent her
home.
"Two days later, she
killed their five children.
"Instead of using 20-20
hindsight, let's look at
the situation as it must
have appeared to Russell
Yates before June 20. Mental
illness is difficult for
untrained people to cope
with and to comprehend.
Dr. Saeed had indicated
that he believed that Andrea
Yates was getting better,
and Andrea herself has testified
that she told nobody, not
even her husband, about
the 'voices in her head.'
While Russell surely had
doubts about leaving the
kids with her, he didn't
have a lot of choices. He
couldn't quit his job to
care for the kids--somebody
had to put food on the table.
Ending the home-schooling,
a violation of both of their
beliefs, might have been
a severe blow to his fragile
wife's self-esteem, perhaps
pushing her over the edge.
"Instead, Russell made
the one move he needed to
make--he had his mother
come in to watch the kids
every day. He generally
left for work at 9 am and
his mother arrived at 10
am, and he thought he had
the situation under control...
"He also attributed
much of his wife's distress
to the death of her father
in March of last year. And
he no doubt was in some
denial, as people who are
trapped in difficult situations
often are. As he walked
out the door to go to work
on June 20, should he really
have expected that his wife
was waiting for him to leave
so she could kill their
children?"
|
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Affect Men and Boys?
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a unified voice on important
political and social issues.
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Help for Boston Dads
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Business Journal Discusses
Glenn's Column on the 'Daddy
Tax'
The Northeast
Pennsylvania Business Journal
did a cover story based
on the central idea behind
my column "The
Price of Fatherhood--a Father's
Reply to Ann Crittenden's
'Mothers' Manifesto'
(Los Angeles Daily Journal,
San Francisco Daily Journal,
1/10/02). In Dave Gardner's
piece
Forget the 'mommy track,'
men pay a heavy 'daddy tax'
as primary breadwinners
(2/23/06) he writes:
"Glenn
Sacks is among the voices
addressing the volatility
of employment-related gender
issues. He cites Ann Crittenden's
recent feminist classic
The Price of Motherhood:
Why Motherhood is the Most
Important -and Least Valued-Job
in America, as a source
of ideas worth debating.
Crittenden's book identifies
a 'mommy tax,' which is
being paid by many working
women. This toll includes
reduced job opportunities,
lower salaries for mothers
and a lack of appreciation.
"Sacks
is among those who believe
men also are quietly suffering
through payment of a 'daddy
tax'...According to Sacks,
American men work the longest
hours in the industrialized
world, and account for 90
percent of overtime. This
devotion to professional
duty has created lost opportunities
for family involvement,
with complex emotional repercussions."
There
was one part of the article
which I could do without:
"Mary
Bogart, owner of Bogart
Engineering in Moscow, a
civil engineering firm,
comments that traditional
roles played by men and
women are now becoming intermixed.
"'As
women, we have expected
to do a balancing act and
make sacrifices for the
well being of our children,
while men have traditionally
focused on their work,'
says Bogart.
"'But,
men are now becoming more
aware of the connection
between their presence at
home and the well-being
of their family. You'd have
to be in a cave not to see
this happening.'"
In reality,
men have always made sacrifices
for their families, often
equal or more to those made
by women. When men work
long hours at stressful
or hazardous jobs in order
to support their families,
this isn't "men focusing
on their work"--it's
men focusing on their families.
To write
to Elizabeth Zygmunt, the
editor of the Northeast
Pennsylvania Business Journal,
about the issues
discussed in
Forget the 'mommy track,'
men pay a heavy 'daddy tax'
as primary breadwinners,
email
EZygmunt@TimesShamrock.com.
Summers Pushed Out of Harvard
Job
Lawrence
Summers has been ousted
as president of Harvard
University after creating
a huge controversy last
year in attempting to explain
why Harvard has few women
math and science PhDs. To
learn more, see
Harvard Guessing Game to
Replace Summers Brings Up
Mostly Women (Bloomberg,
2/22/06).
At the
time of the controversy
last year, I wrote:
"Harvard
president Lawrence Summers
is currently being
mauled by
outraged feminists over
his speculations as to why
there are more male PhDs
in math and science than
females. Yet few eyebrows
were raised when U.K. Member
of Parliament Barry Sheerman
recently
disparaged efforts to address
the boy crisis in education
by saying 'women are brighter
than men...the brightest
kids are coming through
and they happen to be women.'
Can one imagine the furor
if a British MP or an American
senator said 'men are brighter
than women?'
"I
also believe that the debate
over Summers' remarks has
been misframed. I'm no expert
on math or science--in fact,
I must surreptitiously study
my 12 year-old son's math
book in order to be able
to help him with his homework.
As a former high school
teacher I would offer the
uninformed guess that if
you took 100 of my History
or Journalism students and
gave them a math test and
then added up the scores,
the overall male and female
averages would be about
the same.
"However,
when discussing the number
of PhDs in math and science
at Harvard, the relevant
question is not 'do males
and females do equally well
at math?' but instead 'which
gender tends to congregate
at the very top one half
of one percent in math?'
"On
most standardized tests
men and women score equally
overall, but the score distribution
is tighter for women and
wider for men. In other
words, there are more male
geniuses and more male idiots.
Thus Summers has a point--because
the distribution of male
abilities is wider than
that of females, it makes
sense that the top one-half
of one percent might be
mostly male.
"Summers
also speculated that part
of the reason for the disparity
is the enormous time commitment
needed from Math and Engineering
PhDs, and that fewer women
than men are willing to
spend their 20s and 30s
buried under a 70 or 80
hour workweek. This also
seems like a reasonable
supposition.
"It
is also noteworthy that
an academic's tepid remarks
on women have set off an
international media storm,
yet males are continually
disparaged and criticized
in academia with hardly
a protest. To learn more
about how Woman's Studies
have turned our universities
into hostile environments
for our young men, see my
columns:
Why Males Don't Go to College
(She Thinks, 11/13/02);
Hate My Father? No Ma'am!
(World Net Daily,
4/8/02);
New Study Finds Myths, Misrepresentations
in Women's Studies Textbooks
(Cybercast News Service,
4/1/02);
The Best Valentine's Day
Gift for College Students:
Gender Reconciliation
(She Thinks, 2/13/03);
and the His Side
shows
Poisoning Valentine's Day
(2/1/04) and
Former Women's Studies Professor
Daphne Patai Slams Academic
Feminism (7/6/03)."
|
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|
KNBC Los Angeles' Today
in LA Covers New Lawsuit
on Behalf of Male DV Victims
KNBC
Los Angeles' Today in
LA just did a nice piece
on the new lawsuit filed
against the State of California
for refusing to offer services
to male victims of domestic
violence. I wrote about
this case in my recent co-authored
column
Domestic Violence Lawsuit
Will Help Secure Services
for All Abuse Victims
(Los Angeles Daily Journal,
San Francisco Daily Journal,
12/28/05). My co-author,
Marc Angelucci, is the attorney
in the lawsuit and he appeared
on the KNBC broadcast. We
wrote:
"At
the age of 11, Maegan Woods
tried to stop a domestic
dispute between her parents.
She soon found herself staring
down the barrel of her father's
shotgun. She watched helplessly
as the trigger was pulled.
She is only alive today
because the gun didn't fire--the
safety was on.
"Maegan
was abused and witnessed
domestic violence in her
home for most of her childhood.
By age seven there had been
knife attacks, punches,
kicks, and more. It was
hard to leave--the abuser
was the one who earned the
money, and the victim was
unable to work because of
a disability. On numerous
occasions they looked for
help to escape the abuse
but were refused. Why?
"Because
in Maegan's family, the
abused spouse was her father,
and the battering and child
abuse were perpetrated by
her mother.
"The
California Battered Women
Protection Act of 1994,
codified in Health &
Safety Codes Section 124250,
et. seq., created funding
for domestic violence shelter-based
services. However, by defining
domestic violence as something
only experienced by women,
the statutes exclude male
victims from receiving state-funded
domestic violence services,
including shelter, hotel
arrangements, counseling
and legal services.
"Meagan,
now 21, and her father,
David Woods, are the lead
plaintiffs in a new lawsuit
against the State of California
and numerous state agencies
and state-funded domestic
violence service providers.
Beginning in the mid-1980s,
David was violently attacked
on numerous occasions by
his wife Ruth, who suffers
from a bi-polar disorder
which, in her case, creates
a propensity toward violence.
"On
several occasions David
decided that he and Maegan
should get out of the house
to escape Ruth's violence.
However, with his disabling
condition and inability
to work, David had no money
to provide for himself and
his daughter. Numerous times
he contacted a Sacramento
domestic violence agency
he had heard of in the media,
WEAVE, but they always told
him "we don't help
men," and never offered
him a referral to another
facility. David tried churches
and various programs, but
all they could offer for
men were homeless shelters
with waiting lists. He found
nothing for abused men and
their children. David gave
up and sank into a heavy
depression."
In the
KNBC piece Maegan said that
when she was in Elementary
School she would tell her
teachers that her mom was
hitting her dad and that
she was upset about it but
they would just laugh it
off. Poor little girl.
Feminist
attorney Marci Fukuroda
of the California Women's
Law Center gave KNBC the
usual feminist line--that
shelters are having to turn
away thousands of women
and children every year
and that they operate on
shoestring budgets and have
no room for men.
For anyone
who wonders if the shelters
really do exclude male victims,
I offer this: In 2002, while
researching my column
Baseball Player's Domestic
Violence Arrest Demonstrates
How Men are Presumed Guilty
in Domestic Disputes
(Los Angeles Daily Journal,
San Francisco Daily Journal,
8/8/02), I posed as
a male victim of domestic
violence and called every
domestic violence shelter
in Los Angeles and San Diego
Counties in order to determine
if men really were denied
services. My investigation
found only one facility
that would accept a male
victim--Valley Oasis--and
one other, in San Diego,
which offered the possibility
of placement. Yet
while domestic violence
leaders like Fukuroda deny
there is a need for services
for male victims, several
of the shelter directors
and workers I spoke
with while posing as a DV
victim said that much more
attention and resources
needs to be directed towards
male victims, and expressed
sympathy for their plight.
Patricia
Jones, the Assistant Director
of the Valley Oasis Shelter
in Lancaster, CA., told
KNBC that "everybody
here believes that a victim
is a victim. It's not about
gender, it's about somebody
experiencing abuse."
In the
KNBC piece David Woods said
"I put up with the
violence because I was trying
to keep her from taking
the children and leaving."
This is a point I've emphasized
on numerous occasions. In
the column on the Woods
case we wrote:
"Domestic
violence policies based
on the woman good/man bad
model kept David trapped
in his violent marriage
in a number of ways. The
biggest reason David didn't
leave Ruth was Maegan. She
was frequently the target
of Ruth's attacks, particularly
when David wasn't around
to protect her and take
Ruth's blows. Domestic violence
researcher Richard Gelles,
whose groundbreaking work
on domestic violence in
the late 1970s was instrumental
in bringing the issue to
public consciousness, explains
that current policies often
trap abused fathers like
David. They can't leave
their wives because this
would leave their children
unprotected in the hands
of an abuser. If they simply
take their children, they
can be arrested for kidnapping.
Moreover, they would probably
lose custody of their children
in the divorce anyway, again
leaving their children in
harm's way.
"These
cases often have tragic
results. In the highly-publicized
Socorro Caro murder case,
Socorro often abused her
husband Xavier, a prominent
Northridge, California rheumatologist,
and once assaulted him so
badly he had to have surgery
to regain his sight in one
eye. Trapped and not knowing
what to do or where to go,
Xavier endured the abuse,
once telling his wife 'one
day you are going to do
something that cannot be
undone.' A short time later
Socorro shot and killed
three of their four children.
Their baby survived only
because Socorro ran out
of bullets. She was later
convicted and sentenced
to death for the murders."
To watch
the KNBC video, click
here.
|
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New Column: California Supreme
Court Takes Step Backward
on Children's Rights
My latest
co-authored column,
California Supreme Court
Takes Step Backward on Children's
Rights (Daily Breeze
[Los Angeles], 2/9/06),
discusses the new California
Supreme Court ruling in
the Brown vs. Yana
move-away case. In that
case a custodial mother
was allowed to move her
then 12 year-old son 400
miles away. Family law attorney
Jeff Leving and I wrote:
"The
underlying problem is that
in California the legal
presumption on relocations
points in the wrong direction.
If a parent wants to move
a child far away, he or
she should bear the burden
of showing that the move
is not detrimental to the
child. In this way many
frivolous, selfish, or vindictive
moves would be restricted,
while still allowing for
legitimate ones, such as
in cases of abuse, dire
economic need or when noncustodial
parents show little interest
in their children.
"Brown
vs. Yana is not an outrageous
ruling, and Yana had harmed
his case with slipshod legal
work and erratic behavior.
The decision is, however,
sadly illustrative of a
common mentality in family
law which places a custodial
parent's convenience above
a child's love for his mother
and father."
To write
a Letter to the Editor of
the Daily Breeze,
a 100,000 circulation newspaper
based in the Los Angeles
International Airport/Harbor
area, about
A wrong turn on children's
rights (2/9/06), write
to
letters@dailybreeze.com.
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Boy in CA Supreme Court
Case Rebels Against Mom's
Move-Away Plans, Refuses
to Leave Father
In our
column
California Supreme Court
Takes Step Backward on Children's
Rights (Daily Breeze
[Los Angeles], 2/9/06) we
also noted:
"After
the move the boy rebelled
against his mother, at one
point refusing to board
a plane to go back to Las
Vegas after a visit with
his father. The mother,
who had moved to Las Vegas
because her new husband
was offered a new job there,
has now allowed the boy
to live with his dad. Cameron
told the Santa Maria
Times that the new Supreme
Court decision is 'bad for
other kids like me who don't
want to move...It's hard
to leave your friends. And
my dad missed all but one
of my football games when
I lived in Las Vegas.'"
While
this turn of events certainly
bolsters my view that move-aways
are usually bad for children,
I'm not particularly happy
about it either. When mom
decided to move it meant
the boy would lose his dad.
Now he has lost his mom
instead. It would have been
better for the child if
mom had never moved. If
we had a proper presumption
against moves (as we outlined
in the article), the whole
situation could have been
avoided.
To learn
more about California move-aways
and the influential LaMusga
case, see my co-authored
column
Is a Pool More Important
than a Dad? (San
Francisco Chronicle, 5/4/04)
and read my LaMusga
radio commentary
here.
I discussed
how this issue would be
viewed if we switched the
genders in my column
California NOW Takes Stand
Against Working Mothers
(Sarasota Herald-Tribune,
2/23/04), and argued in
favor of a current Wisconsin
move-away bill in my co-authored
piece
AB 400 Will Help Wisconsin's
Children of Divorce
(Wisconsin State Journal,
12/3/05). I clashed
with feminist law professor
Carol Bruch, who authored
the mother's brief in LaMusga,
on PBS's Los Angeles affiliate
KCET last year--to watch,
click
here.
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How Common is Paternity
Fraud? (Redux)
Last
week I had expressed some
doubts about the new World
Net Daily article
Paternity fraud rampant
in U.S.:
30% of those named as fathers
bilked of child support
unjustly which has been
circulated widely on men's
and fathers elists and websites.
I wrote:
"Paternity
fraud is a problem, but
I doubt it approaches the
30% level, and the basis
for the 30% claim in the
article is unclear.
"There
are two sources for '30%'
in the article. The admirable
paternity fraud crusader
Carnell Smith is quoted
as saying that 30
percent of the cases he
sampled proved negative.
However, I don't think Carnell
is saying that '30%
of those named as fathers
bilked of child support
unjustly'--obviously
the people Carnell deals
are those who already have
reason to be concerned over
paternity issues.
"The
WND article also said 'one
state that examined the
problem found as many as
30 percent of those paying
child support were, indeed,
not the biological fathers
of the children being supported.
The most recent comprehensive
study took place in New
Hampshire under the auspices
of the Commission on the
Status of Men.' Perhaps
the Commission studied this
properly and came up with
30%, but again that seems
high to me. In my
co-authored column
Michigan Reform Plan Fights
Rising Paternity Fraud
(Detroit News, 9/25/02)
I wrote:
"'Michigan
Family Independence Agency
statistics indicate that
30 percent of the nonmarital
paternity tests performed
in Michigan exclude the
tested man from being the
child's biological father.
The American Association
of Blood Banks, which evaluated
280,000 paternity tests
in 1999, found similar numbers.'
"However,
again we have a preselected
sample--many of the people
getting these paternity
tests are doing so because
there is a paternity issue
involved."
Both
Michael J. Geanoulis of
the NH Commission on the
Status of Men and Smith
wrote to me afterwards,
and it appears that my skepticism
about the 30% figure was
well-founded. Geanoulis
writes:
"The
WND article was incorrect.
The NH Commission on the
Status of Men (CSM) did
not conduct a 'comprehensive
study' as claimed in the
article. See page 22 of
the CSM report
www.nh.gov/csm. As you
will see, the CSM merely
echoed the findings of
www.safe-nh.org and
www.paternityfraud.com.
I think it important that
the record be corrected
to reflect accuracy lest
our efforts are compromised
by CSM enemies here...."
Smith
wrote:
"I
did not work with the people
who wrote the recent story.
They must be grabbing information
from online sources. You
are correct in that I am
not saying 30% of men
paying
child support are not the
fathers. No one knows the
answer to that question
because every man has not
been tested.
"I
disagree with the view that
the men tested were the
ones that had a reason to
be concerned about paternity.
Until a triggering event
takes place, many if not
most men were like me--I
had no idea that I might
not be the father.
"My
family members and friends
prompted me to get tested
based on their belief that
I was not the father. They
were correct. The mother's
testimony of relations with
her former boyfriend, while
in another state and admitting
that she never revealed
this material information
to me.
"The
root cause of paternity
fraud is the mother's willful
decision to be irresponsible
and choosing to hide rather
than reveal the fact 'there
are multiple paternity candidates.'"
"I
believe that more men would
take a legal paternity test
just to be sure, if they
knew that the law rewards
'trick him by any means
needed.' Especially if he
knew that the mother was
having unprotected relations
with one or more men excluding
him.
"Taking
the legal DNA test is a
form of insurance against
paternity fraud for duped
dads. Truth is a good thing
and mothers should be required
to tell the truth, the whole
truth and nothing but the
truth."
Sacks/Leving
in Houston Chronicle
on Gray Divorce
My co-authored
column on the rise in "Gray
Divorce"--Sometimes
it's husbands getting dumped:
Forget trophy wives, reality
is another matter for most
men--appeared in the
Houston Chronicle Sunday.
I co-authored the piece
with family law attorney
Jeffery M. Leving. To voice
your opinion on the issue,
write to the Houston
Chronicle at
viewpoints@chron.com.
Feel free to forward me
copies of your letters.
Netscape:
When Wives Cheat,
It's OK
According
to the Netscape article
You Won't Believe How Many
Wives Cheat, "The
modern American or European
woman is just as likely
to cheat on her husband
as he is to cheat on her."
They write:
"Those
are the eyebrow-raising
findings of a team of German
researchers from the Hamburg-based
GEWIS Institute for Social
Research. Reuters reports
that in a survey of 1,427
men and women between the
ages of 25 and 35, fully
53 percent of women said
they had been unfaithful
to their partner, compared
with 59 percent of men.
"Unlike
most men, the reason women
have affairs is primarily
non-sexual. While sex is
no doubt the outcome, what
women are seeking when they
first stray from their husbands
is reassurance and understanding.
In other words, they are
looking for emotional intimacy...
"Some
women are serial cheaters.
Seventeen percent of women
surveyed said they had cheated
two or three times, compared
with 22 percent of men.
And get this: Eight percent
of the women said they had
cheated four or five times
in the course of their marriage,
but only 4 percent of men
admitted to this."
I love
the always present, built-in
excuse for bad female behavior--"the
reason women have affairs
is primarily non-sexual...women
[seek] reassurance and understanding.
In other words, they are
looking for emotional intimacy..."
Their husbands aren't giving
them what they need so no
wonder they cheat. I discussed
this phenomenon at length
on the radio at
Newsweek: When
Wives Cheat, It's OK
(7/11/04).
|
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A&E Reprises 'Fatal
Fathers' Myth
Many
of you have written to me
about the A&E cable
network's rerun of its anti-father
documentary
"Fatal Fathers."
The documentary originally
aired in September, 2004,
and A&E is rebroadcasting
it at 8 AM and 2 PM on February
21. The central claim
made by the film is that
"Surprisingly, the
leading cause of death among
pregnant women today is
murder. Their killers?--their
own husbands or boyfriends."
Many
of you have written to me
to ask me if the above claim
is true. The answer is no.
To learn more, see my columns
New Report on Maternal Homicide
Crisis: Myth-Making and
Manbashing (Lexington
Herald-Leader, 1/3/05)
and
'Fatal Fathers' Myth Promoted
in Wake of Peterson, Hacking
Cases (Daily Breeze
[Los Angeles], 9/17/04).
Since
it's just a daytime rerun
and is not being promoted
or hyped, I'm not going
to call the Sackson Horde
to action over it. However,
if you'd like to comment
on it to A&E, click
here.
Best
Wishes,
Glenn Sacks
GlennSacks.com
HisSide.com
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