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New
Column: HB 315 Says
One Parent is Better Than Two |
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May
30, 2006 |
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New
Column: Louisiana Bill Says
One Parent is Better Than
Two
My
new co-authored column
Louisiana's HB 315 Says One
Parent is Better Than Two
(Shreveport Times,
5/20/06, Alexandria Town
Talk, 5/11/06) criticizes
a new Louisiana bill which
will roll the clock back on
that state's progress in moving
towards shared parenting.
In the column Mike McCormick,
Executive Director of the
American Coalition for Fathers
and Children, and I note:
"Current
Louisiana law states 'To the
extent it is feasible and
in the best interest of the
child, physical custody of
the children should be shared
equally.' This is reasonable--it
presumes that as long as both
parents are fit and there
are no extenuating circumstances,
they should both share in
parenting their children.
HB 315 weakens the law's wise
preference for two parents
instead of one. Under the
bill all that children receive
is a vaguely defined 'as frequent
and continuing contact as
is feasible with each parent.'
|
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However,
research establishes that
shared custody is what's best
for kids."
The
counterattack against shared
parenting is based on allegations
that fathers only want shared
parenting in order to reduce
their child support obligations.
We wrote:
"Unfortunately,
rather than putting the need
to preserve children's relationships
with both parents at the center
of the discussion, advocates
of HB 315 are instead focusing
on child support. In Louisiana,
like most states, how much
time each parent spends with
his or her children helps
determine how much child support
is ordered. Rep. Shirley Bowler
(R-River Ridge), who authored
the bill, asserts that dads
seek shared custody as a way
to decrease their child support
obligations. She promotes
HB 315 as a way to 'remove
this angle' in the current
law, which she claims divorced
dads are exploiting.
"While
it is true that there are
fathers who put their pocketbooks
above their children's best
interests, Bowler and the
bill's supporters ignore the
obvious converse. If a dad
may seek 50% physical time
with his children simply to
lower his child support obligation,
doesn't it also hold that
a mother may seek 85% physical
time in order to increase
it?
"Similarly,
critics charge that the child
support provisions of current
law amount to paying men to
spend time with their children.
In reality, the provisions
simply acknowledge that both
moms and dads have child-related
expenses."
To write a Letter to the Editor
on this issue, write to the
Shreveport Times regarding
HB 315 is a step back for
children of divorce by
clicking
here. To write to the
Alexandria Town Talk
about
La. HB 315 will not help kids
of divorce, click
here.
To send
a copy of the column to Shirley
Bowler, the legislator who
authored HB 315, go to
larep078@legis.state.la.us.
Tell her I send my regards.
To contact
Louisiana Dads, the Louisiana
affiliate of the
American Coalition for Fathers
and Children which is
fighting the bill, click
here. Thanks to Louisiana
Dads president
Nicholas James for his
help. |
|
Parenting Plan Calendar Software
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visitation schedules. Includes
a built-in percentage calculator,
schedule templates, free training
and excellent customer assistance.
Parents, attorneys, arbitrators
and mediators can generate
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which is especially useful
for parents seeking fair division
of their children's time.
FREE TRIAL SOFTWARE AVAILABLE
by clicking
here. |
|
Dad-Bashing
Judge Gets an Official Kick
in the Behind
Some of you
may recall Kentucky judge
D. Michael "Mickey''
Foellger, who in 2004 made
headlines by telling men behind
on their child support obligations
that they had to either have
vasectomies or go to jail.
I slammed Foellger on several
radio shows and in my co-authored
column
It's Child Support Guidelines
that Need Surgery, Not
'Deadbeat Dads' (Kentucky
Post, Cincinnati Post, 5/12/04).
Family law attorney Jeff Leving
and I wrote:
"Foellger
insists he's not forcing sterilization
on anybody, since the offenders
in his court can choose 30
days in jail instead. However,
most men who fall behind on
child support have led law-abiding
lives and legitimately fear
for their safety and mental
stability if they are incarcerated.
"For
example, in McCracken County
earlier this year a man slit
his throat in the courtroom
after being sentenced to two
years in jail for being $7,000
behind on child support. According
to newspaper accounts, the
man pleaded to the judge 'Don't
put me in jail, I'm going
to kill myself' before taking
out a razor blade.
"By
threatening to jail the men,
Foellger is in effect impelling
them to get sterilized. In
fact, Foellger says that all
but one of the men offered
his 'deal' have chosen vasectomy
over jail.
"This
represents a serious human
rights violation. Kentucky's
child support guidelines need
to be overhauled to ensure
that support obligations are
in line with obligors' ability
to pay. In addition,
the system needs to be more
flexible and responsive, so
men who are down on their
luck don't become criminalized.
And while the public may be
legitimately annoyed with
these 'deadbeats,' nobody
should be jailed or sterilized
for the 'crime' of being poor."
According
to the Associated Press'
Northern Kentucky judge suspended
for lack of patience, temper
(5/30/06), Foellger is now
being disciplined for his
courtroom bullying:
"A northern
Kentucky judge has been suspended
for being sarcastic, insulting
and verbally abusive to people
who appeared in his courtroom.
"The
Judicial Conduct Commission
suspended Campbell County
Family Court Judge D. Michael
Foellger for 30 days, without
pay, beginning last Friday.
"Judge
Foellger displayed 'a gross
lack of patience and loss
of temper' in dealing with
attorneys and their clients
as well as clerks and court
designated workers 'by shouting
and by using inappropriate,
demeaning, sarcastic, insulting
and abusive language,' the
Judicial Conduct Commission
said in a written report.
"'Instances
of such conduct were not isolated,
but were persistent and pervasive,'
the commission said Friday.
"The
state judicial code of conduct
requires judges to be patient,
dignified and courteous to
people who appear in their
courtrooms.
"Foellger
waived formal disciplinary
proceedings and agreed to
the commission's findings
and accepted the suspension.
"In
its report, commission members
said Foellger has expressed
remorse and apologized for
his conduct. They said Foellger
also has taken remedial steps
to control his emotions and
that he has pledged that the
conduct will not be repeated.
"The
commission said in the report
that it will require periodic
review of Foellger's courtroom
conduct to ensure compliance."
It couldn't
have happened to a nicer guy...
John Stossel Defends Divorced
Dads in New Book
20/20 anchor
John Stossel has a section
defending divorced dads in
his new book
Myths, Lies, and Downright
Stupidity: Get Out the Shovel--Why
Everything You Know is Wrong.
He discusses the
work of Dr. Sanford Braver,
author of
Divorced Dads: Shattering
the Myths, and Braver's
debunking of the famous Weitzman
hoax.
One of the
most pervasive and pernicious
myths of our time is the idea
that men gain economically
from divorce while women suffer
from it. The myth stems from
a now discredited study conducted
over two decades ago by feminist
Lenore Weitzman, author of
the 1985 book The Divorce
Revolution. Weitzman concluded
that women's standard of living
after divorce dropped by three
quarters while men's rose
over 40%. The media trumpeted
her research and it led to
sharp increases in child support
guidelines. However, years
later Weitzman was forced
to admit that her findings
were vastly overstated, due
to a huge mathematical error.
Despite this,
the myth that men gain economically
from divorce remains pervasive,
and is repeated even today
by numerous writers and commentators,
including conservatives like
Dennis Prager, feminists like
Ann Crittenden, and even by
masculists like Tom Leykis.
Braver helped
uncover and expose the Weitzman
hoax. According to Braver,
when all relevant factors
are taken into account, including
the numerous tax advantages
custodial parents enjoy, the
"men gain/women lose"
idea is badly in error.
To hear Braver
discuss this issue on
His Side with Glenn Sacks
go to
Do Men Gain Economically from
Divorce? (2/29/04). Braver's
newer research shows that
child support guidelines have
become so stacked against
noncustodial parents that
they often push noncustodial
parents' living standards
far below those of custodial
parents. I detail this in
my co-authored column
New Study Shows Massachusetts'
Child Support Guidelines Among
Worst in Nation (Massachusetts
News (7/28/04). Family
law attorney Jeff Leving and
I wrote:
"A new
study of child support has
concluded that Massachusetts'
guidelines are among the most
poorly designed in the nation.
"The study examines the
child support guidelines of
seven geographically and politically
diverse states, including
Massachusetts. The researchers
conclude that 'under current
child support guidelines,
the majority of custodial
parents currently have higher
standards of living than their
matched noncustodial parents,'
and that Massachusetts' guidelines
represent the most 'dramatic'
example of this inequity...
"Leaving aside the popularity
of anti-father politics, the
authors conclude that the
support guidelines have become
tilted against noncustodial
parents because they fail
to consider the large tax
benefits custodial parents
enjoy, as well as noncustodial
parents' child-related expenses...
"After accounting for
taxes and noncustodial parent
expenses, Braver and Stockburger
conclude that a Massachusetts
custodial parent need earn
only 40% of what a matched
noncustodial parent earns
in order to enjoy a standard
of living equal to that of
the noncustodial parent. By
contrast, U.S. Census data
shows that the median income
of the category closely resembling
female divorced custodial
parents is far higher--85%
of that of male noncustodial
parents. In fact, in six of
the seven states studied,
the median income a custodial
parent needs to have a standard
of living equal to that of
the noncustodial parent is
below 85%, often dramatically
so.
"The
guidelines have been slanted
against divorced dads so sharply
that their obligations often
cause them to fall deeply
in arrears, particularly if
they have been laid off or
have suffered drops in income.
Some struggle to stay out
of jail, while others feel
it's hopeless and disappear.
Most of these men aren't deadbeats,
but instead fathers who supported
their children honorably while
married and after their divorces.
What rationale is there for
Massachusetts' child support
guidelines if they serve to
drive away one of the two
people who most love a child?"
Stossel also discusses Parental
Alienation Syndrome and the
way divorced dads are often
driven out of their children's
lives by vindictive mothers.
He says:
"The
media automatically cast divorced
parents in the roles of villainous
father and heroic mother.
Many mothers are heroic, but
so are many fathers. But a
divorced mother as the villain?
Heaven forbid! That would
stand the world of media victimology
on its head."
To learn
more about Braver's work,
see his web page
here. Thanks to
Jane Spies of the
National Family Justice Association
for the news tip. |
|
Leving's
Divorce Magazine
The second edition of
Leving's Divorce Magazine,
the new magazine for the modern
divorced men, is now available
online with articles focusing
on issues such as men's reproductive
rights (or lack thereof),
Parental Alienation Syndrome
and child support. Visit now
and get a free subscription.
Help, Resources for Dads
The
National Fathers' Resource
Center is a division of
Fathers For Equal Rights,
Inc. (FER), located in
Dallas, Texas, with offices
in both Dallas and Houston.
In existence for over three
decades, it has services and
resources for dads nationwide
and is one of the largest
and most active fathers' rights
organizations in the U.S.
www.fathers4kids.org |
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Woman
Framed in Sex Abuse Case
I've written
on numerous occasions of men
being falsely accused of rape
or child sexual abuse, or
being framed on false sex
abuse charges as part of a
custody battle. In an interesting
twist,
this article discusses
a case where a woman was apparently
framed by her adopted son
on a false sex abuse charge,
and was sentenced to a staggering
25 to 50 years in prison.
According to
Was a woman wrongly convicted
in sex case?:
"Lorinda
Swain is serving 25-50 years
at the Huron Valley Women's
Complex in Ypsilanti for having
oral sex with her adoptive
son when he was eight.
"But her chief accuser
- her adoptive son, Ronnie
- admits that he lied about
the entire abuse. 'I never
meant for it to happen like
this,' said Ronnie.
"Ronnie Swain, now 18,
was a troubled youth. He used
drugs, watched porn, ran with
the wrong crowd. He also molested
his young niece.
"'I touched her private
parts,' he told 24 Hour News
8.
"As the investigation
began, he thought of a way
to protect himself. He was
repeatedly asked if he'd ever
been molested.
"Upset with Lorinda because
she was stealing money from
family members to feed her
own drug habit at the time,
Ronnie told the investigators
she abused him.
"'I thought she'd get
clean (of drugs,)' he said.
'Next thing you know I'm in
court testifying about something
I lied about,' he said.
"His biological grandmother,
Mary Stephens, said she knew
'from day one' that Ronnie
lied to about the whole thing.
"'When that verdict came
down I just about fell out,'
Stephens said, with tears
in her eyes. 'It's hard.'
"'I've been here wrongfully
and I'm worried that I'm not
going to get justice,' Lorinda,
45, said in a phone interview
with 24 Hour News 8.
"At her trial, Ronnie
is remembered as being wishy-washy
on the stand. He fell silent
while testifying when he was
asked if he was telling the
truth.
"The 2001 trial in Calhoun
County had no DNA evidence,
only Ronnie's word against
Lorinda. The jury found her
guilty, and in 2002 she was
sentenced to 25-50 years in
prison.
"Ronnie said he is 'furious
about' the verdict, and has
since tried to kill himself.
"Over the past five years,
through various appeals, questions
about the case still remain.
"While awaiting her original
trial, Lorinda's cell mate
in Calhoun County Jail was
Deborah Charles, a woman with
12 aliases and 24 felony convictions.
Charles testified that Lorinda
admitted her guilt."
Read the
rest of the article
here.
As an aside,
I'm always extremely distrustful
of alleged confessions of
guilt by defendants to jailhouse
informants, as happened here.
I always figure that if the
prosecution has to rely on
a jailhouse informer, they
must have a very weak case,
or even that they are trying
to frame somebody. If I ever
served on a jury where the
prosecution pulled a stunt
like that, I think I'd immediately
vote to acquit...
Agape Press Covers Defeat
of SB 1482
Agape
Press covered our
successful campaign against
SB 1482--see
Senator Withdraws Bill Giving
Custodial Parents Free Rein
to Move Away (5/26/05).
The article also quoted me
on one of my pet peeves--the
way taxpayer funded domestic
violence groups are able to
lobby against fathers on our
dime and our time.
According
to the article:
"Among
the legislation's supporters,
Sacks notes, were the California
National Organization for
Women and the California Commission
on the Status of Women, and
he says several domestic violence
groups were lobbying in favor
of the bill as well.
"Such
groups 'want to insist that
if there's a divorce or separation,
Mom should be able to do whatever
she wishes with her kids,'
Sacks insists. 'Those groups
are funded by your tax dollars
and my tax dollars,' he says,
'and basically all of these
groups are trying to do whatever
they can to change the law
so that if a divorced or separated
mother wants to get rid of
her children's father, she
can -- and there's going to
be very little that can stop
her.'"
Glenn Discusses SB 1482
Campaign on American Family
Radio
I discussed
the
Campaign Against California
Senate Bill 1482 on American
Family Radio on May 17. |
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Help
for Michigan Dads
Michigan family law attorney
Mindy L. Hitchcock has experience
fighting for noncustodial
parents against Michigan's
abusive FOC. Her
holistic approach to divorce
gets results for her clients
while avoiding the scorched
earth approach to law that
leaves families emotionally
and financially devastated.
www.Lady4Justice.com
The Second Wives Club
The Second Wives Club is what
women in blended families
are looking for: Remarriage,
divorce, child custody, and
step parenting discussed in
a solution-oriented, mature,
and intelligent way; articles
and news written by thought-provoking
experts and journalists; personal
accounts and advice from some
of life's most interesting
women.
www.SecondWivesClub.com |
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Jane
Spies Exposes Missouri Child
Support Enforcement Whitewash
I've written
before of the case of Herbert
L. Chalmers, a St. Louis man
who committed a quadruple
murder-suicide in April over
a child support dispute which
left him to survive on $400
a month. Chalmers claimed
that he was the victim of
a child support enforcement
mistake. It turned out, of
course, that child support
enforcement had made an error,
and was charging Chalmers
five times what he actually
owed. For my previous commentary,
see
I Couldn't Be Less Surprised.
Missouri
child support enforcement
is under some pressure because
of this, and is being investigated.
Jane Spies of the
National Family Justice Association
reports that this "investigation"
is a whitewash. According
to the story
Review finds few child support
errors (St. Louis Post-Dispatch,
5/16/06).
"Spurred
by a shooting rampage in St.
Louis last month, a quick
review of Missouri's child
support system indicates 99.24
percent of support records
contain no errors, officials
said Tuesday.
"The
results were viewed as either
a hearty validation of the
system or too good to be true.
"The
Department of Social Services
was 'very, very pleased' with
the findings, said spokeswoman
Deborah Scott. The department
felt the glowing results showed
a wider review was unnecessary.
But state Auditor Claire McCaskill
said she doubted the findings,
criticized the review's limited
scope and said she now harbored
even more interest in auditing
the state's child support
enforcement program.
"The
Family Support Division, which
handles the child support
duties, ran the internal review
after Herbert L. Chalmers,
reportedly upset by his child
support payments, killed four
people and himself on April
18. He was supposed to be
paying $133 a month in current
child support, but a state
worker entered a figure of
$724.92, which is what he
owed in back support. State
officials later admitted to
a data entry error. So they
set out to determine if the
mistake was an aberration
or part of a pattern.
"The division spot-checked
396 cases in St. Louis and
St. Louis County, a representative
sample of the more than 88,000
cases in the region. It hunted
for just one specific error:
whether the amount on the
child support order matched
the amount logged into the
state's computer database.
In 393 cases, the amounts
matched.
"The
three cases with errors featured
two cases off by $1 each and
one case with an $161.50 error
in each monthly payment. But
the severe miscalculation
had little impact: The noncustodial
parent had not made a payment
in years, Scott said. The
errors were fixed.
"It
is possible to use the limited
review to hint at the number
of mistakes statewide, assuming
the St. Louis samples were
representative, said the Rev.
Mike May, chairman of the
mathematics and mathematical
computer sciences department
at St. Louis University.
"Using
the state's error rate of
.75 percent, May expected
1,868 to 3,737 cases to contain
these particular data entry
errors out of the state's
total caseload of 373,677.
"Scott
said even an error rate below
1 percent allowed room for
improvement. The department
recently won funding from
state lawmakers to establish
a new call center dedicated
to fielding questions in child
custody cases. Scott said
the move would allow caseworkers
more time to work cases and
boost collections.
"McCaskill said she was
skeptical of the review's
success because previous audits
from her office have found
a range of problems with the
state's child support enforcement
system, such as improperly
distributing child support
payments and not using all
available resources to locate
parents who owe money.
"This analysis by the
department goes under the
category 'too good to be true,'"
McCaskill said.
"For the department to
come out with this self-review,
McCaskill said, "that
probably moves them up on
our list of where we need
to do audit work."
"Jane Spies, executive
director of the National Family
Justice Association, a Georgia-based
family advocacy group, also
criticized the state's finding
as too narrow and not independent.
"'I just think it is
really misleading,' Spies
said."
The statement that a "review
of Missouri's child support
system indicates 99.24 percent
of support records contain
no errors" is outrageous--they
only looked for one, narrow
type of error. There are a
wide variety of error committed
by Child support enforcement
bureaucracies. As I noted
in my co-authored column
Persecuting Low Income Parents
(Cincinnati Post, Kentucky
Post, 8/26/05):
"Beyond
mistaken identity...common
agency errors include: mathematical
errors; failure to record
or transfer records of payments;
billing men for children they
did not father; failing to
stop child support when a
child reaches the age of emancipation;
accepting custodial parents'
false reports of nonpayment;
and failure to update child
support orders with later
court rulings affecting modifications."
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Finding
Your N.U.T.s.--Non-negotiable
Unalterable Terms
Wayne M. Levine, M.A.,
founder of BetterMen, has
written a new book with sage
advice and proven tools for
men who want to be BetterMen
in their relationships and
in their lives. Finding
Your N.U.T.s offers men
the truth about themselves,
their relationships, their
responsibilities as men, and
the power they have to be
BetterMen.
www.bettermen.org
Tom
Ellis Rides Against the Wind
Congratulations
to Thomas Ellis on selling
1,000 copies of his self-published
The Rantings of a Single Male:
Losing Patience with Feminism,
Political Correctness... and
Basically Everything.
It's quite an accomplishment,
given that the publishing
industry gives vastly more
attention to Women's Studies
books than Men's Studies.
Rantings describes
the rise of feminism from
the mid '70s to the present,
through Ellis' personal experiences,
and is loaded with outrageous
stories. Available at
Amazon,
Barnes&Noble Online
and
in Bulk. |
|
Dead
Guy Falls Behind on His Child
Support, Has Taxes Seized--'Being
Dead Is No Excuse for Not
Paying,' D.A. Says
According
to
Dead Man Billed For Child
Support:
"A widow
says she's still getting bills
from the Nebraska Child Support
Office addressed to her late
husband, asking for money.
The Nebraska Child Support
Office is asking for payments,
even though her husband passed
away a year ago.
"'He
has two children that live
in Texas and he had been paying
child support on them,' said
Dawn Hunt.
"Hunt
used to live in Lincoln, but
after her husband died, she
moved to Des Moines, IA, and
got a new job.
"'Mid-November,
I received a bill in Chad's
name to my new address in
Iowa. It was from the Nebraska
Child Support Office. I opened
it up and it said, 'your child
support is past due,' and
I was like 'what is this?'"
said Hunt.
"Hunt
said she was told that the
child support office knew
he was deceased. Hunt said
the office person she spoke
with told her that an order
needed to be made to stop
payments and that the office
would take care of it...
"Hunt
has racked up around $4,000
in owed child support since
his death. Due to the owed
child support, Dawn Hunt's
federal tax refunds were withheld
for about a month because
she filed jointly with her
husband."
Perhaps the
least trustworthy words ever
are when an error is pointed
out to child support enforcement
and they promise to "take
care of it."
BTW, I was
just joking about "'Being
Dead Is No Excuse for Not
Paying,' D.A. Says."
No district attorney would
ever say such a thing. I think. |
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Domestic
Violence Expert Says DV Policies
Based on Gender Politics,
not Science
Dr. Donald Dutton's new
book Rethinking Domestic
Violence
is out. Dutton is one of North
America's leading proponents
of sanity in the domestic
violence sphere. According
to Dutton, his new book "reviews
all research on causes, incidence
and policy toward domestic
violence called Intimate Partner
Violence (IPV). It concludes
IPV causation is best explained
by personality disorder and
that gender analysis is not
supported by the data. It
shows how the male perpetrator-female
victim stereotype is not typical.
Similarly, it reviews evidence
for both mandatory arrest
and no drop prosecution and
finds that both have failed.
It recommends a more flexible
professional approach that
blends, criminal justice,
community psychology and community
mental health approaches."
Dutton
appeared on
His Side with Glenn Sacks
last summer--to listen, go
to
Congress to Vote on Renewing
Anti-Male Violence Against
Women Act (VAWA) (7/3/05).
I
also quoted him extensively
in my column
Domestic Violence Treatment
Policies Put Abused Women
in Harm's Way (Daily
Breeze [Los Angeles],
11/7/05). I
criticized domestic violence
treatment programs for following
an ideological, women good/man
bad model, as opposed to actually
dealing with the psychological
problems that abusive men
have. I wrote:
"Psychologist
Donald G. Dutton, author of
The Abusive Personality:
Violence and Control in Intimate
Relationships, asserts
that personality disorders
are the cause of most domestic
violence. According to Dutton:
"'Treatment
providers who work with abusive
men are very frustrated by
the current domestic violence
treatment paradigm. Research
shows that Duluth-oriented
treatments are absolutely
ineffective, and have no discernible
impact on rates of recidivism.
These methods cannot work
because they preclude patients
from developing the crucial
therapeutic bond with their
treatment providers. However,
when we treat offenders like
normal patients by focusing
on personality disorders and
employing cognitive-behavioral
treatments, we see progress.'"
To learn
more about Dutton's new book,
click
here. Dutton's email address
is
dondutton@shaw.ca. |
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How to Win Shared Custody
If you are an active, engaged,
committed, dedicated, loving
parent facing a divorce, family
law attorney
Nicholas Palermo's The
Ten Essential Elements to
Winning Joint Shared Physical
and Legal Custody can
help you protect your relationship
with your children.
www.TenEssentialElements.com |
|
Sorry
but I'll Have to Pass
It's almost
the one year anniversary of
the death of Perry Manley,
a Seattle fathers' activist
who committed "suicide
by cop" last June.
Manley entered the federal
courthouse in Seattle with
what appeared to be a grenade,
refused to surrender or negotiate,
and made a sudden move, after
which police fired, killing
him. Unfortunately in the
wake of his death Manley has
been made into a hero by certain
misguided fathers' activists.
For example, one activist
recently wrote:
"I
have never forgotten Perry
Manley...I grieved for him
then. I grieve for him now.
I remember when they shot
him down. I watched it all
unfold on TV...Perry wasn't
asking for much. He just wanted
justice and to be a Dad. Instead
people treated him like a
'kook.' But we know he was
a martyr for our cause--no
matter what anyone says to
the contrary. I will never
forget him. He fought alone
like so many of us...I will
never forget Perry, I will
always honor what he stood
for."
Another wrote:
"Manley
devoted his life fighting
government imposed control
of our income and interference
in our lives when parents
divorce. He stood largely
alone and was essentially
driven crazy to a degree...it's
important that we don't forget
about him and honor what he
stood for."
Sorry, but
I'll have to pass. I gave
my opinion in this enewsletter
at the time of the shooting
last year, and was greatly
criticized by some for it.
What I wrote still seems accurate
to me. It appears below, exactly
as it was a year ago:
My Opinion of Perry Manley's
'Suicide by Cop'
Many
of you have written to me
asking my opinion of
Perry Manley's 'Suicide by
Cop' Monday in Seattle.
Manley, angry over a family
court matter, entered the
courthouse with what appeared
to be a grenade. According
to police, Manley refused
to surrender or negotiate,
and made a sudden move, after
which police fired, killing
him. The grenade turned out
to be a fake--Manley was unarmed.
As
for Manley's family court
grievance, the facts, as far
as I can ascertain them, are:
Manley
divorced in 1990 from his
wife, with whom he had 3 kids.
Manley
claimed the child support
system had treated him unfairly.
I don't know if this is true,
but it certainly is a common
problem for divorced dads.
Manley
claimed that his ex-wife interfered
with his visitation with his
kids and alienated them against
him. Again, I don't know if
this is true, but it certainly
is a common problem.
Manley
claimed that paying child
support in and of itself was
unconstitutional and a violation
of his human rights. He made
this his central issue, as
opposed to the alleged violations
of his custody and visitation
rights.
Manley
claimed that a judge who had
ruled against him had violated
the constitution in his dealings
with him, thus violating his
oath of office and committing
"treason" which,
Manley said, is punishable
by death.
I
have received many letters
telling me that Manley is
a hero, and even that I should
honor him (or his memory)
on my radio show this Sunday.
I'll pass. Manley was unarmed,
and that certainly counts
in his favor, but his actions
were reckless and needlessly
put innocent civilians in
harm's way. It served no constructive
purpose but instead makes
it easier for our many enemies
to portray divorced dads as
violent nuts.
While
many divorced dads are abused
by the child support system,
it is unclear whether the
child support demands upon
Manley, who had three children
in need of support, were unreasonable.
Manley made child support,
not his rights as a father,
his central issue.
Had
Manley done what
David Chick did, I could
support him.
David Chick is a hero.
Gary LaMusga is a hero.
Jolly Stansby and
Ron Davis and
Gary S. and
Edgar P. and
John Brumbaugh and
Benoit Leroux are heroes.
Manley may (or may not) have
been a victim of a family
law system which has torn
millions of fathers and children
apart. But either way there
was nothing heroic about his
actions this week."
Around
the same time last year, in
a letter to one of my detractors,
I wrote:
"If
Manley had talked about his
access to his children and
made them the issue, I would
be a lot more sympathetic.
But he rarely mentioned that,
instead focusing on this child
support constitutionality
nonsense. He was asked to
pay $650 a month to support
three children (apparently
it was only $210 a month in
the beginning). Was that unfair?
Is that what he died for?
OK, he didn't like paying
through the government, which
I understand, but where's
the real grievance here? He
had 3 kids in need of support,
he was the family breadwinner
so he was obligated to pay
it--so what? I've got 10,000
letters in my email box from
guys who have bigger grievances
than this. If he made the
issue his access to his kids
I'd sympathize, but he hardly
even mentioned his kids. Also,
given his mental instability
(which many who knew him have
written to me about), it's
possible that he was alienated
from his kids in part because
of his own actions, not his
ex-wife's." |
|
Lisa Scott Launches RealFamilyLaw.com
Shared Parenting Advocate/Family
Law Attorney Lisa Scott has
just launched
www.RealFamilyLaw.com
to expose the truth about
what is happening in our family
law system. Lisa, the all-time
leader in appearances on His
Side with Glenn Sacks,
says that she was "tired
of having her stuff rejected
by elitist bar publications
and politically-correct newspapers"
and decided to start her own
website.
www.RealFamilyLaw.com
|
|
Mom
Who Killed Son Still Entitled
to Alimony From Father, Court
Rules
One of my
readers sent me this incredible
story--Alimony
Upheld For Mom Who Kicked
Son To Death:
"Linda
Calbi admitted she kicked
her 14-year-old son, causing
injuries that led to his death.
But a judge has ruled that
she's still entitled to alimony
payments from her ex-husband.
"Christopher Calbi had
sought to end the payments,
claiming his ex-wife violated
her moral obligation to provide
a safe home for their two
children after the couple
divorced.
"Superior Court Judge
Eugene Austin refused. He
suspended the $3,183 monthly
payments while Linda Calbi
spends 30 months in jail;
however, the judge said that
when she gets out, she can
apply to have them resumed.
"Her ex-husband also
must continue to make $400
monthly payments toward the
$50,000 back alimony debt
that he had amassed.
"'I am not going to terminate
the contract,' Austin said.
'It's a valid obligation negotiated
between the parties. Mrs.
Calbi has pleaded guilty.
She will do her time. But
for the next 30 or 40 years,
you two are parents of the
same child and you both are
going to have to deal with
that.'
"During a court hearing
in Bergen County, the Teaneck
man said he has a 'huge hole'
in his heart and has become
'financially destitute' since
the Aug. 2003 death of his
elder son, Matthew.
"Linda Calbi was originally
charged with murder, but was
allowed to plead guilty to
aggravated assault after admitting
that she kicked Matthew in
her Old Tappan home, causing
injuries that led to his death.
"'That someone like me
should have to support the
woman who did this to my child
is beyond comprehension,'
Christopher Calbi said after
the court hearing.
"His ex-wife's attorney,
Ian Hirsch, called the ruling
fair, arguing that the woman's
crime cannot be used as a
legal reason to end alimony
payments.
"'Mr. Calbi is using
his son's death to take away
any obligations he has,' Hirsch
said. 'I think he's trying
to take advantage of a tragedy
and turn it around to his
economic benefit.'"
You gotta
love this attorney--dad not
wanting to pay money to the
woman who killed his son is
"taking advantage of
a tragedy and turning it around
to his economic benefit."
Bad dad--how could he be so
rotten?
One more
question--can you imagine
a judge ordering a woman to
pay alimony to the ex-husband
who murdered her child? In
fact, in California has a
recent law which created a
presumption that a victim
of domestic violence should
not be required to pay support
to a violent spouse. |
|
Letters
From a Deadbeat Dad
Have you ever been labeled
a "deadbeat dad"
while you were just trying
to be a father? Have
you ever been forced to pay
child support while being
denied your basic rights?
Have you ever had to explain
Parental Alienation Syndrome
to your own child? Have you
ever heard about fighting
family law battles outside
the law by following principles
of non-violence--and winning?
Read
Letters From a Deadbeat Dad
by
Cosmo Monkhouse.
Father: A Child's Right
Visit
www.fatherachildsright.org
to find information about
child custody issues related
to fathers and their children's
rights, as well as book reviews
on parenting, custody and
divorce. A fun and exciting
father & son baseball
component is added for
enjoyment. Buy books, magazines
and DVDs for your children.
Learn about the
Michigan Shared Parenting
bill.
www.fatherachildsright.org |
|
Divorced
Dads in Annie's Mailbox
There are
a couple of interesting letters
from divorced dads in recent
Annie's Mailbox columns. One
involves a mother undermining
a
dad's attempt to teach his
son the value of money
and of keeping commitments.
In our current climate, whenever
dads try to teach their children
financial restraint they are
stereotyped as cheap or as
deadbeats.
"Dear
Annie: I have a 16-year-old
son whom I love very much.
I have been divorced from
his mother for eight years,
remarried for the last six.
'Brendan' lives with his mother
in the same city, so I see
him a lot.
"We
had a good relationship until
recently. I told Brendan I
would give him a car and pay
for the insurance if he kept
his grades up. He agreed.
His first report card, he
got a D in one subject. The
car stayed at my house. Four
weeks later, he got another
D on his mid-term.
"The
day after he received his
grades, Brendan gave my wife
and me a very impressive presentation,
with charts and everything.
He promised to work hard,
do extra credit and show us
his test scores every week.
We caved and let him have
the car. Well, he had an excuse
every week why he didn't have
his test scores. When his
grades came, he had two Ds.
"I told Brendan to bring
back the car, and he said
I needed to talk to his mom,
my ex. Naturally, she took
his side and wanted the car
to stay at her house, and
didn't care that Brendan and
I had an agreement. The car
is now back at my place, but
Brendan is angry with me,
and my ex is probably going
to buy him a car.
"I want my son to learn
that there are consequences
for being irresponsible. Am
I wrong? -- Worried Dad
"Dear
Dad: You are not wrong. A
car is a privilege, not a
right, no matter what some
kids think. You kept your
end of the bargain, and if
his mother buys him a Porsche,
let it be HER problem. Your
ex is teaching Brendan that
he doesn't have to work for
anything and that it's OK
to renege on agreements. We
hope you will keep trying
to teach him otherwise, Dad."
One can almost
hear 16 year-old Brendan fuming
to his friends that his dad
is a cheapskate. I wonder
who taught him to think that
way about his dad?
Another recent
column deals with
Parental Alienation Syndrome:
"Dear
Annie: My son's mother and
I broke up more than four
years ago, when he was an
infant. My son is now 5 years
old. Unfortunately, I have
heard my son tell his friends
and others some very bad things
about me. The verbal poisoning
from his mother is getting
worse. Almost every time I
see him, I hear something
new or he tells me about the
horrible things he was told
I did to his mother.
"Up
until now I have answered
him by saying, 'I am sorry
you had to hear that, but
let's move on.' However, I
am concerned if I do not respond
to his comments, he will have
no choice but to believe the
terrible things she (and possibly
her family) are saying about
me.
"I realize
I have no control over what
my ex says, but I am sure
this poison can be very damaging
to a child in the long run.
How do I respond to my son
without being derogatory toward
his mother?
The
High Road Is a Lonely Place
"Dear
High Road: Try diplomacy first.
Talk to your ex-wife and explain
what you are hearing from
your son. Tell her you understand
that she holds a grudge, but
such comments undermine your
child's emotional stability
and security. Ask her to cease
and desist for his sake. If
this doesn't work, we recommend
family counseling for you
and your son, and if possible,
include your ex. Sometimes
an unbiased third party can
work through these destructive
behavior patterns.
"Lastly,
there is nothing wrong with
telling your son, 'Mommy sometimes
says angry things because
she is unhappy that our family
isn't together anymore. I
am very sorry that Mommy is
unhappy, but I want you to
know how much I love you.'
This says nothing derogatory
about Mom, but does reassure
your son about your feelings
for him - and that is what
counts."
|
Help for Boston Dads
Boston family law attorney
Nick Palermo is a shared custody
advocate who believes that
divorced dads are parents,
not visitors. The Law Offices
of Nicholas Palermo is a dedicated
and committed trial law firm
which has worked to make shared
custody for all fit parents
the law of the land.
LAW OFFICES OF NICHOLAS PALERMO |
|
Huh?
In her recent
article
Mothers Make a Beautiful Mark
on Public Life Peggy Drexler,
author of Raising Boys
Without Men, writes:
"Are
mothers goddesses? Or are
we responsible for everything
that's wrong with our children,
our families and the world?
"We hail mothers as life-givers
and supreme nurturers, then
blame them--and ourselves--when
children and families develop
problems.
"Cultural convenience
continues to define good and
bad mothering, just as it
has through the ages. Mothers
have traditionally been viewed
as saints, victims or villains.
It wasn't that long ago when
clinicians thought mothers
caused autism and schizophrenia,
along with 70 other psychopathologies.
Even today, mothers are easy
targets of blame when children
develop disorders of one kind
or another or when marriages
go sour."
Drexler pounds
home her "mothers get
all the blame" theme
through her book, too. Peggy
and I must live in different
countries. In the United States
men and fathers are blamed
for all family problems, including
divorce, and Drexler is part
of the problem. In my column
Raising Boys Without Men:
Lesbian Parents Good, Dads
Bad (World Net Daily,
9/10/05) I wrote:
"Drexler,
like many feminists, has a
double standard about divorce.
When men divorce women, they're
rats and deserters. When women
divorce men, they're independent
and liberated. Raising
Boys makes numerous critical
references to fathers who've
divorced their wives: Martha's
husband 'left her high and
dry'; Beverly's husband abandoned
her 'abruptly' when their
children were small; and Pam's
marriage ended because of
her ex-husband's alleged 'lack
of family commitment.' In
fact, the only father who
departed from his family against
the mother's wishes and isn't
vilified for it is a guy who
died.
"Yet
not one of the many divorced
mothers and divorced-turned-lesbian
mothers in Raising Boys
is ever criticized or
even chided for breaking up
her family by divorcing her
children's father. The vast
majority of divorces involving
children are initiated by
women, and research shows
that the primary reason is
not abuse or adultery, but
instead emotional reasons
such as a perceived lack of
closeness or of not feeling
loved and appreciated. Legitimate
concerns, but were they proffered
by a man who had broken up
his family they would engender
little sympathy."
After my
column
Are Boys Really Better off
Without Fathers? (San
Francisco Chronicle, 8/31/05)
came out last fall Peggy was
invited to debate the issue
with me on one of the biggest
radio shows in the country
(sorry--I can't reveal which
one) but declined.
In her new
article Drexler also propounds
the Drexler Doctrine--boys
don't need fathers. She writes:
"It's
increasingly clear that even
without the presence of a
strong father, mothers are
fully capable of engendering
character, self-confidence
and ambition in their children.
Just ask San Francisco's mayor,
Gavin Newsom; bicyclist and
cancer survivor, Lance Armstrong;
and former President Bill
Clinton. All credit their
single mothers by circumstance
as instrumental in their success."
That Newsom
was raised by a single mother
is of some dispute. One of
my San Francisco readers wrote
me:
"I question
whether he was raised by a
divorced mom, and if it is
true, that he didn't suffer.
His father is William Newsom,
a long time State Court of
Appeal judge and somewhat
of a kingmaker in San Francisco
politics...I seriously
doubt he was raised by a single
mother and if he was, his
father, who was a political
advisor to him, was very influential
in his promotion to County
Supervisor and Mayor."
The idea
that Bill Clinton is an example
of good character is also
of some dispute, though obviously
to become president of the
United States is a fantastic
achievement. As for Armstrong,
Paul Coughlin, author of
No More Christian Nice Guy:
When Being Nice--Instead of
Good--Hurts Men, Women, and
Children and a cycling
fan, writes:
"I
keep an eye on Lance Armstrong
and I'm amazed by his abilities,
especially his cadence and
lightness on the pedals as
he flies up mountains. I'm
also familiar with his background,
apparently more so than Drexler.
Young Lance Armstrong was
not 'emotionally healthy.'
He was, by his own admission,
a lost and angry young jerk.
Two trainers, Chris Charmichael
and Johann Bruyneel, took
him under their paternal wing
and coaxed stellar talent
out of his troubled body and
soul. Eddy Merckx, perhaps
the greatest cyclist ever,
was also a huge influence
in Lance's life. When others
abandoned him professionally,
his agent Ken Stapleton stayed
by his side.
"And it was another racer
who, seeing young, brash,
angry Lance in a field sprint
with him near the finish line,
who taught Lance a lesson
in humility that he never
forgot. The well-respected
racer hit his brakes because
he did not want to appear
on the same podium as troubled
Armstrong. This man gave up
money and fame to distance
himself from a young racer
whose emotional immaturity
and reckless disregard earned
him a growing list of detractors
who rightly complained that
Armstrong did not know how
to win well or live well.
"He was not always the
good ambassador of one of
the world's most incredible
sports that he is today. It
took the intervention of some
big souls to make that happen."
In other words, Armstrong's
childhood was not the "fatherless
but happy" experience
that Drexler pretends it was.
I'm sure his mother did her
best but it wasn't until there
was intervention by some male
father figures that Armstrong
changed from a antagonistic
young man into the man he
is today. |
|
The Rise of America
According to author John D.
Diamond, "We are fighting
a war in defense of our homes,
our families, and posterity.
This war is being fought in
our courts and it is being
fought in our schools...It
is a war of ideology and it
is war for the very future
of this nation." To order
The Rise of America
click
here. |
|
Our
PBS Campaign, Parental Alienation
Syndrome Discussed in 300+
Newspapers
Syndicated
columnist Kathleen Parker,
whose columns appear in over
300 newspapers, discusses
our
Campaign Against PBS's Father-Bashing
Breaking the Silence
in her recent column
on Parental Alienation Syndrome--Let's
not alienate parents in custody
battles.
Parental
Alienation Syndrome is when
one parent--usually the custodial
parent--tries to poison his
or her children's minds and
turn the children against
the noncustodial parent. Parker
describes Parental Alienation
Syndrome as "agony for
a noncustodial parent and
emotional problems for children
alienated from one parent,"
and commends a recent proclamation
signed by Maine's Governor
John E. Baldacci that recognizes
April 25 as "Parental
Alienation Awareness Day."
In my column
PBS Declares War on Dads
(World Net Daily, 10/20/05)
I described in detail numerous
examples of PAS. One of them,
experienced by one of my readers,
is as follows:
"After
Jim L.'s wife divorced him
and moved his daughters out
of state, she sent the two
girls fake or altered e-mails
purporting to be Jim. Afterwards,
Jim's daughters refused to
see him, explaining only 'you
know what you've done, you
know what you said, you know
what you wrote.'
"Once when Jim flew to
see his girls for his scheduled
weekend visit, his ex-wife
decided at the last minute
to block the visit. Jim flew
home on Sunday without having
seen his girls. When he arrived
at the airport back home he
checked his messages and found
a message from his ex-wife.
On the recording his girls
could be heard crying in the
background. His ex-wife said:
"'Jim, the girls are
here at the restaurant waiting
for you to come pick them
up. You said you'd meet them
here for breakfast and spend
the day with them, and you
didn't show up. The girls
are very upset. Jim, where
are you?!?'"
Parker also wrote:
"Fathers
who feel disenfranchised when
courts award custody of their
children to the mother during
divorce have used PAS successfully
to pressure judges to allow
greater access to their children.
One can hardly blame men for
trying to be fathers.
"But critics claim that
abusive fathers sometimes
use PAS to force access where
none should be granted. Mothers
claim in such cases that they're
trying to protect their children,
not alienate them.
"This
latter argument became the
centerpiece last fall of a
controversial PBS documentary
about abused women and children,
'Breaking the Silence,' that
fathers' groups attacked as
unbalanced and unfair.
"No fathers were interviewed,
and the cases reviewed tended
to be extreme and sensational.
"Several women interviewed,
for instance, said that they
lost custody of their children
to abusive fathers (confirmed
by the children themselves)
when fathers used PAS to 'prove'
that the women were systematically
teaching their children to
hate their fathers.
"Glenn Sacks, a radio
show host and columnist, called
the film a 'direct assault
on fatherhood,' and organized
a protest on his Web site.
Others - many of whom I know
and respect as fellow toilers
in trying to advance fatherhood
- joined in.
"Sacks' campaign had
an effect, and PBS ombudsman
Michael Getler wrote a lengthy
response agreeing that the
show was unbalanced."
As we've
noted, in the end PBS agreed
to commission a new film to
examine the issues raised
by the film and our campaign
in a more balanced, detailed
light. To learn more, click
here. The groups to which
Parker refers when she writes
"fellow toilers in trying
to advance fatherhood"
include
Fathers and Families,
the
American Coalition for Fathers
& Children, and
Help Stop PAS Inc.
As for Parker's
comment that "Several
women interviewed, for instance,
said that they lost custody
of their children to abusive
fathers (confirmed by the
children themselves)"
this "confirmation"
is dubious in several cases.
We revealed court findings,
records and testimony show
that Sadia Loeliger--portrayed
as a heroic mom in the film--abused
children under her care. In
fact, a Tulare County Juvenile
Court concluded in August
of 1998 that Sadia Loeliger
had committed multiple acts
of abuse, and adjudged both
her daughters as dependents
of the Juvenile Court. To
learn more, click
here.
Parker concludes:
"The
biggest losers in such cases,
of course, are neither the
mothers nor the fathers, but
the children, who deserve
to have unfettered access
to both parents, assuming
there's no abuse, without
having to tote the adults'
emotional baggage.
"Whether parental alienation
meets the scientific standards
of a 'syndrome' is a battle
researchers can wage among
themselves. The underlying
message, meanwhile, is that
there needs to be a presumption
of shared custody following
divorce, again, assuming no
abuse.
"Life is alienating enough
without the help of one's
own parents."
Agreed. |
|
Tree
House Solutions
Tree House Solutions,
LLC is a growing and evolving
resource designed to meet
the emotional and informational
needs of parents who are going
through divorce and those
already divorced. Tree
House activities are composed
of live, real time teleconferences
on a weekly basis. These sessions
are conducted by two highly
experienced mental health
practitioners, versed in high
conflict divorce. Drs. Bone
and Evans offer a wide spectrum
of suggestions and education
regarding the divorce process
and co-parenting with difficult
former spouses.
www.treehousesolutions.org
|
|
ACFC
Issues New Report: Family
Violence in America: The Truth
about Domestic Violence and
Child Abuse
The American
Coalition for Fathers and
Children has just issued a
new report,
Family Violence in America:
The Truth about Domestic Violence
and Child Abuse, which
explains the many ways the
war on domestic violence has
separated children from the
fathers they love and need,
and has led to "by far
the most severe and alarming
violation of constitutional
freedoms in the United States
today."
The report,
penned by ACFC President
Stephen Baskerville, PhD.,
concludes that family dissolution
is creating child abuse, and
that child custody disputes
are a large factor both in
fabricated accusations of
domestic violence and actual
incidents. According to the
report:
"The
public and policymakers have
been seriously misled [about
domestic violence]. Gaping
inconsistencies separate what
the scientific data demonstrate
about family violence from
current public policy. When
the scientific knowledge of
these problems is understood,
it becomes clear that current
policy is not likely to alleviate
these problems. More disturbingly,
by destabilizing families
it is likely to be contributing
to them...
"To
break this circle, we call
for a radical departure from
existing programs and offer
the following recommendations:
"Government must adhere
to the Bill of Rights and
other constitutional protections.
"Reform constitutionally
questionable programs, such
as the Violence Against Women
Act, that politicize and distort
law enforcement and target
individuals because of their
membership in groups or their
political beliefs rather than
their deeds.
"Statutory protection
for parental rights to ensure
that law enforcement programs
are not commandeered to create
unaccountable police actions
against innocent parents,
depriving them of their children
without due process of law.
"A legal presumption
of equal and shared legal
and physical custody of children
in cases of divorce, separation,
and unmarried parents. By
strengthening families and
the bonds between parents
and their children, we will
be addressing the roots of
family violence, including
child abuse."
To read the 72 page report,
click
here. To contact the ACFC
about the report, write to
info@acfc.org or call 800-978-DADS
(3237). |
|
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|
Dr.
Phil Trashes Dads--Again
Popular daytime
TV host Dr. Phil is father-bashing
again. In the past I've criticized
Dr. Phil for supporting and
whitewashing abusive mother
Bridget Marks, who was found
by five separate judges to
have coached her little girls
to believe that they had been
sexually molested by their
father.
Marks became
a cause celebre after
(briefly) losing custody of
her twin girls to their father,
against whom she had waged
a vicious parental alienation
campaign. Marks had appeared
on Dr. Phil during the custody
battle, and Dr. Phil held
a joyous reunion with her
on the air in May of last
year to celebrate her victory
in the custody battle.
The father's
side spoke for the first time
publicly on
His Side with Glenn Sacks--to
listen or to read a transcript
of the that show, go to
Father's Side in Bridget Marks
Custody Case Speaks Publicly
for First Time, 4/5/05.
Several New York newspapers
quoted from our show in their
news articles.
To learn
more about the Marks case,
including Marks' legal team
taunting me over their court
victory, Marks' unkind comments
for me, and my newspaper columns
on the Marks case, see
Bridget Marks Ruling: It's
OK to Coach Little Girls Into
Saying They'd Been Molested
(4/7/05)
Now Dr. Phil
is again on the warpath against
dads, pushing the discredited
"lazy husband" myth.
The promo for one of his shows
this week is called
The Divorce Experiment
and reads:
"Are
you married to a man who doesn't
know how good he has it? You
do the cooking, the cleaning,
take care of the kids, and
he still takes you for granted?
After seven years, Amy finds
herself in a marriage where
she is expected to wait on
her husband hand and foot,
and never voice her opinion.
Her husband, Greg, is a self-proclaimed
male chauvinist pig and says
his wife's job is to take
care of the family without
questioning his role as 'king'
of the house. Amy says if
Greg doesn't learn to treat
her like his equal and not
his servant, she's going to
divorce him. Dr. Phil sends
in a Relationship Rescue team
of strong women to teach Greg
a lesson! While Amy is sent
off on a special trip to build
her self-esteem, Greg gets
three new 'wives' who give
him a dose of his own medicine
as they put him through all
that he demands of his wife
on a daily basis. Will he
finally see Amy as his equal
and become a better spouse
in the process?"
While it's
certainly possible to find
lazy husbands (and lazy wives),
as I've noted in many columns
and on the radio, the idea
that husbands don't do their
share or that "women
work two jobs, men only work
one" is a complete myth.
In my co-authored column
Are American Husbands Slackers?
( Tallahassee Democrat,
3/22/06) family law attorney
Jeff Leving and I wrote:
"Feminist
critics compare the work men
and women do at home but fail
to properly account for their
disparate obligations outside
the home. Census data shows
that only 40% of married women
with children under 18 work
full-time, and over a quarter
do not hold a job outside
the home.
"According
to the Bureau of Labor Statistics'
2004 Time Use Survey, men
spend one and a half times
as many hours working as women
do, and full-time employed
men still work significantly
more hours than full-time
employed women.
"When
both work outside the home
and inside the home are properly
considered, it is clear that
men do at least as much as
women. A 2002 University of
Michigan Institute for Social
Research survey found that
women do 11 more hours of
housework a week than men
but men work 14 hours a week
more than women. According
to the BLS, men's total time
at leisure, sleeping, doing
personal care activities,
or socializing is a statistically
meaningless 1% higher than
women's. The Families and
Work Institute in New York
City found that fathers now
provide three-fourths as much
child care as mothers do--50%
more than 30 years ago."
We also noted
that men do the most dangerous
and demanding jobs, and that
men are vastly more likely
than women to be killed or
injured on the job. We wrote
of the "sacrifices
made by men like Terry Helms,
one of the 12 miners killed
in the Sago Mine disaster
[in January]...Terry's son
Nick told the Associated Press
that his father 'had endured
numerous injuries in a 30-year
career and hated mining because
of the dangers'..'[My father]
is very selfless,' Nick said.
'[He] refused to quit because
the job put food on the table...He
gave his life in there so
I could go to the movies.'" |
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Another
Rich, High-Living Deadbeat
Goes to Jail (aka Another
Low Income Dad Goes to Debtors'
Prison)
From the
Akron Beacon Journal
article
Dad who escaped procreation
ban jailed on child support
charges (make sure to
check out the next to last
paragraph):
"A judge
who was forced to lift his
probation condition that a
deadbeat dad not father more
children has sentenced the
man to six months in jail
for continuing to fail to
pay child support.
"Sean Talty, 34, of Akron,
pleaded guilty on Friday to
violating terms of his five-year
probation by failing to stay
current on the payments.
"Medina County Common
Pleas Judge James Kimbler,
who sentenced Talty to probation
in 2002 and modified the terms
under Ohio Supreme Court order
in 2004, said Talty can reduce
the sentence through community
service.
"Talty has fathered seven
children by five women and
also owes support in Butler,
Summit and Wayne Counties.
The Medina County case involves
$30,000 he owes for three
of the children by two of
the women, including a former
wife.
"Court records show the
probation violations involve
$3,600 owed for 2005 and this
year and failure to get a
high school equivalency degree.
"In 2004, Kimbler lifted
one of his probation conditions
imposed in 2002, that Talty
not father any more children
while on probation. The Ohio
Supreme Court had ruled the
sentence was overbroad because
it didn't include a method
for lifting the ban if Talty
caught up with his payments."
A few thoughts:
1) Obviously
Talty's no model citizen.
However, you're not supposed
to be imprisoned for debt
in this country--debtors prisons
were abolished a long time
ago. Talty is being jailed
because of failure to pay
child support, but nobody
questions whether his child
support was commensurate with
his income. This is a guy
who can't even get a high
school GED--it's doubtful
he earns or could earn enough
to pay the obligation he's
being imprisoned for.
2)
Why are the five women who
bore Talty's children held
blameless? All of these women
did exactly what Talty did‑‑they
had children whom they could
not financially support. In
fact, given the much wider
range of birth control and
reproductive choices that
women have, these women had
a much larger say in the decision
to have children than Oakley
did. Low income mothers get
sympathy and assistance--fathers
get blame and jail.
3)
I've checked the top 10 most
wanted deadbeat parents lists
put out by the states on many
different occasions, usually
in preparation for an article
on the war against so-called
"deadbeat dads."
In my co-authored column
Federal Child Support Enforcement
Cuts Will Hurt Bureaucrats,
not Children (Las Vegas
Review-Journal, 12/17/05,
Riverside Press-Enterprise,
12/16/05) family law attorney
Jeff Leving and I wrote:
"In
the past few months, 'deadbeat
parents' have been the targets
of highly-publicized law enforcement
actions in Virginia, Texas,
Kentucky, and Arizona. Yet
Virginia's 'Most Wanted Deadbeat
Parents' list is topped by
a laborer, a carnival hired
hand, and a construction worker,
who collectively somehow owe
over a quarter million dollars
in child support. Of all the
parents on Texas' and Kentucky's
lists, only one appears to
have an education, and the
most common designation for
occupation is 'laborer.' Near
the top of Arizona's list
is a maintenance man who owes
$90,223, an unemployed man
of no known occupation who
owes $54,298, and, best of
all, a roofer who owes $240,581.
"This
week Texas Attorney General
Greg Abbott boasted that he
had arrested one of the 'deadbeats'
on his 'Most Wanted' list--Charles
Silva, who owes almost $40,000
in child support. Yet it's
doubtful that Silva will be
writing a five figure check
any time soon--Silva's occupation
is 'general laborer.'
Far from being lists of well-heeled
businessmen, lawyers, and
accountants, the vast majority
of the men on these lists
do low wage and often seasonal
work, and owe large sums of
money which they could never
hope to pay off.
"Child
support enforcement agencies
are notorious for their abusive
tactics towards such men..." |
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The
Secrets of Happily Married
Men
How can a man achieve a long
and happy marriage? If you've
been checking out advice
columns or seeing a therapist,
you may have been looking
in the wrong place. Despite
all the advances in brain
technology, and all of that
we have learned about developmental
psychology--men and women
are given the same advice
about solving problems. But
when we ask men what works
for them, we hear a different
story.
www.SecretsofMarriedMen.com
How Does Sex Discrimination
Affect Men and Boys?
The
National Coalition of Free
Men is a non-profit educational
& civil rights organization
that looks at the ways sex
discrimination affects men
and boys.
NCFM helps provide men
a unified voice on important
political and social issues.
www.NCFM.org |
|
Speaking
of the Boy Crisis in Education...
Just after
the publication of my co-authored
column
Resolving the Boy Crisis in
Schools (Chicago Sun-Times,
5/7/06) I was given another
reminder of it in my son's
life. My son's Boy Scout troop
had planned to participate
in a big, week long Boy Scout
campout in August. The trip
sounded fantastic--a week
up in the mountains in Northern
California with all sorts
of fun activities--hiking,
archery, boating, etc. Except
it turns out that the troop
won't be going. The reason?
Most of the boys couldn't
sign up, because they were
all in danger of having to
go to summer school. Somehow
I doubt that many Girl Scout
summer trips are being cancelled
for that reason...
My daughter's
school recently instituted
a new after school policy.
Now instead of the kids going
out to the yard to play, all
students who don't go home
immediately after school are
corralled into the lunch area
to do homework under supervision
for 30 minutes.
This is a
perfect example of the problems
inherent in our almost all-female
elementary school system.
The school means well, but
any group of male teachers
would know that after being
cooped up for almost eight
hours those boys need to go
out and run around. Instead,
after being forced to sit
all day--quite unnatural for
little boys--when the bell
rings they must be forced
marched over to yet another
half hour of sitting.
It also turns
into a chore for the supervising
teachers, who must stand guard
over the boys for a half hour.
No doubt many boys get punished
because they can't sit still
and do their homework after
school--as if they don't already
get punished enough during
the day for being unable to
sit still. I prefer the school
National Review Washington
Editor Kate O'Beirne describes
in
her latest book, where
the students work hard and
achieve, but also "have
recess twice a day, play in
the rain, wreck their good
shoes, and...they like school." |
|
Legal
Help for Fathers
If you live in Los Angeles,
Riverside or Orange counties
and you're facing a divorce,
separation, or a child custody
issue, the law firm of Oddenino
& Gaule can help.
Congressional Candidate Takes
Strong Stand for Noncustodial
Parents' Rights
In 2004 Libertarian presidential
candidate Michael Badnarik
had a strong noncustodial
parents' rights
platform. Badnarik
is clearly aware of and sensitive
to the basic problems fathers
today face, particularly the
sole custody norm and the
denigration of noncustodial
parents to "second class
parent" status. Badnarik
is running for Congress in
2006--to learn more, go to
www.badnarik.org. |
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Hero
Dad Tells Story in Parents
Magazine
Heroic father
Joe Seldner tells of his
long, hard and ultimately
successful for his children
in his Parents Magazine
article
"My Fight to Keep My
Kids" (April, 2000).
Joe's trial by ordeal will
sound familiar to many of
you:
"The
nightmare began with a knock
on the door. On that hot August
afternoon in 1993, my wife
was out shopping, and the
kids, Dan, 9, and Laura, 6,
were at swimming lessons with
my parents, who had flown
in from New Jersey. The visitor
identified herself as a caseworker
for Child Protective Services
and told me that I had been
accused of physically abusing
my son. I laughed. She didn't.
When I asked who would make
such a ridiculous charge,
she said the information was
confidential. 'I'd like you
to leave,' I said, barely
containing my anger and incredulity.
Having dropped her bombshell,
she complied.
"When my wife got home,
she refused to discuss the
matter and referred me to
her lawyer. It was clear that
my accuser was the woman I
had been married to for ten
years. I had known our relationship
was in trouble, but I'd never
imagined she would do anything
like this. It felt as if someone
had hit me in the hack of
the head with a sledgehammer.
"Two days later the sheriff's
office served me with divorce
papers. The following week,
the caseworker came back to
interview both of the kids.
When she came downstairs afterward,
looking a little annoyed,
she declared there was nothing
to the allegations. I was
momentarily relieved -- but
the war had just begun."
Read the full article
here. To contact Joe,
click
here. |
|
Are
You Really the Father?
Find out the underlying flaws
in the DNA paternity testing
system and learn how a man
with results in the 90%, 95%
or even 99% positive range
may not be the father. Learn
what most lawyers and judges
don't know about paternity
testing.
www.paternitytestflaw.com.
Legal Help for Fathers in
New Jersey
If you're a New Jersey father
facing a divorce or separation,
the law firm of
Pitman, Pitman, Mindas, Grossman
& Lee can help.
PitmanLaw.com |
|
Canadian
Court Nails Jell-O to a Wall
In my co-authored
column
PBS Declares War on Dads
(World Net Daily, 10/20/05)
family law attorney Jeff Leving
and I discussed the hard struggle
so many noncustodial parents
face to get courts to properly
address Parental Alienation
Syndrome in their cases. We
wrote:
"As
a society we pretend that
broken families are all men's
fault, pay lip service to
the importance of fathers,
and close our eyes while millions
of children are separated
from the fathers they love
and need. Because that's what
mom wants. Because it's easier
to blame everything on dad
than it is to confront mom
on her destructive behavior.
Because trying to hold
a divorcing mother accountable
for her behavior is like trying
to nail Jell-O to a wall.
Because there's a high political
cost to be paid for crossing
mothers and none to be paid
for crossing fathers."
(emphasis added)
Well, last
week a Canadian court nailed
Jell-O to a wall. According
to the story
Mother loses kids after hindering
father's access:
"A
divorced woman who sabotaged
her children's relationship
with their estranged father
has been stripped of their
custody in a decision by Ontario's
top court which sends a message
that 'parental alienation'
harms children and will not
be tolerated.
"'We
recognize, as did the trial
judge, that the remedy of
granting custody to the father
is a dramatic one. However,
that remedy was supported
by the expert evidence and
by the mother's persistent,
ingrained and deep-rooted
inability to support the children's
relationship with the father,'
said three judges of the Ontario
Court of Appeal in a unanimous
decision this week.
"The
court dismissed the appeal
of the Jarvis, Ontario mother
against a lower court decision
last year which ordered that
the primary residence of her
five-year-old twin boys be
switched from the mother --
who had sole physical custody
of them since their birth
-- to her ex-husband who resides
in Hamilton.
"Calling
that decision 'amply supported
by the evidence,' the Appeal
Court said that although the
mother was 'otherwise a good
parent,' her persistent 'troublesome
conduct' against the children's
best interests included unilaterally
restricting the father to
daytime visits and failing
to inform him about the children's
medications, or to give him
their prescription drugs,
so that they would return
home from visits with him
sicker than when they left.
"Obstructed
access affects thousands of
divorced parents and their
children across Canada, according
to a 1998 parliamentary report
which urged the federal government
and the provinces and territories
to devise a nationwide co-coordinated
response to failed parenting
orders...
"The
appeal court was also critical
of the mother's unilateral
decision -- without warning,
just before the custody case
went to trial -- to uproot
the boys from their school
and community to move to another
town further away from their
father. 'Moreover, the mother
said that if the father moved
to her new town, she would
move again,' the Court of
Appeal noted.
"'This
conduct, in addition to many
other instances of alienating
conduct, was properly viewed
by the trial judge as evidence
of the mother's inability
to support the father's relationship
with the children and to consider
the best interests of the
children.'
"By
court order, the boys now
reside with their father,
but live with their mother
most weekends and see her
for mid-week evening visits."
The case
is also another example of
how move-aways are used by
alienating custodial parents
to destroy the relationships
between children and their
noncustodial parents. This
is one of the reasons our
two defeats of move-away legislation
in the California legislature
(click
here and
here) are so important. |
|
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janetgraceattard@kw.com. |
|
Double-Standard
in Reporting on Male DV Victims
Dr.
Charles Corry, the leader
of the
Equal Justice Foundation,
the
American Coalition for Fathers
and Children affiliate
in Colorado, discusses the
recent murder of
Clifford Evans, a Denver,
Colorado male victim of domestic
violence. According to Corry:
"His
wife, Debra, had stabbed him
to death and if you Google
on Debra Evans you'll find
a few brief notes, e.g., the
Denver Post gives it
a few short paragraphs. Typical
when a woman kills a man.
"What
isn't mentioned is that Debra
Evans, aka Debrah Wellington,
had two prior domestic violence
convictions, one in 2001 and
another as far back as 1990.
Presumably the 2001 conviction
required her to take the standard
36-week DV treatment program.
But perhaps she was one of
the 50% of convicted offenders
who never complete the program
because it certainly didn't
change her behavior.
"According
to a Fox News reporter, the
neighbors in the apartment
building had become inured
to the couple fighting, and
that Clifford was always the
victim. By any definition,
Debra Evans is a 'batterer'
but you'll never find that
out from the press. It hasn't
gone to trial yet but my guess
is she will be the 'battered
woman' then.
"But
imagine if Clifford had a
couple of prior DV convictions
and then killed Debra? Front
page, above the fold coverage
would be the norm. But since
Debra is the killer the case
can be buried by the press."
Best Wishes,
Glenn Sacks
GlennSacks.com
HisSide.com |
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