The American Coalition for Fathers
and Children
The American Coalition for Fathers
and Children is dedicated to
creating a family law system which
promotes equal rights for all
parties affected by divorce. Contact
the ACFC at 1-800-978-3237 or visit
them on the web at
www.acfc.org.
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The Second Wives Club
The Second Wives Club is what women
in blended families are looking for:
Remarriage, divorce, child custody,
and step-parenting discussed in a
solution-oriented, mature, and
intelligent way; articles and news
written by thought-provoking experts
and journalists; personal accounts
and advice from some of life's most
interesting women.
www.SecondWivesClub.com |
ACFC's North Dakota Shared Parenting Battle
Heats Up
The battle over the
American Coalition for Fathers and
Children's
North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative
is heating up. The Initiative qualified for
the November election, and has led to a
backlash among that state's opponents of
shared parenting. Some of you may recall my
co-authored column in support of the bill,
North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative
Will Help Children of Divorce (Grand
Forks Herald, 7/18/06), which I penned
with ACFC Executive Director Mike McCormick.
Enemies of Shared Parenting Blast NDSPI
Now that the ACFC has gotten the
North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative
on the November ballot, its enemies are
firing back hard. Carol Olson, the executive
director of the North Dakota Department of
Human Services, wrote
Family-law measures would lead to cutoff of
federal funds (Grand Forks Herald,
8/9/06) and columnist Lloyd Omdahl,
former Lieutenant Governor, wrote
Parenting initiative is the worst since 1938
(Grand Forks Herald and others,
8/14/06).
ACFC Fires Back
The ACFC and its allies have fired back in
the Grand Forks Herald:
Stand up to federal bullying, North Dakota
by Stephen Baskerville (ACFC President)
How courts discourage shared parenting in
N.D. by John Maguire (ACFC Director of
Communications).
State wants to protect revenue stream by
Don Mathis, editor of The Fourteen
Percenter, a newsletter for noncustodial
parents.
Measure complies with federal law by Rob
Port of
www.sayanythingblog.com, North Dakota's
popular political Web log.
Baskerville's column criticizes Olson for
attempting to play the "federal funds" card
to turn North Dakotans against shared
parenting. He wrote:
"Carol Olson, executive director of the
North Dakota Department of Human Services,
evidently feels that the intervention of
Health and Human Services regional
administrator Thomas Sullivan into North
Dakota's internal politics constitutes an
argument against the shared parenting ballot
initiative.
"What it truly reveals is an alarming
abuse of power and bullying of North
Dakotans by the federal government.
"Under 18 USC 1913, it is a crime for
federal civil servants to lobby
legislatures. Lobbying politicizes the civil
service and turns it from the people's
servant into a taxpayer-funded advocacy
group that can suppress citizens' opinions
or activities it considers threatening. I
would be very surprised if North Dakota does
not impose similar restrictions on state
officials such as Olson.
"So North Dakotans should be very
disturbed that federal and state bureaucrats
are or seem to be taking sides in a
citizens' ballot initiative that threatens
their power. Sullivan's undisguised campaign
to defeat the initiative with a letter to a
state senator probably is illegal and
certainly is improper. But further, using
federal taxpayers' money as leverage to
pressure citizens from exercising their
democratic prerogatives vindicates warnings
that federal financial muscle is being used
to centralize power in dangerously
authoritarian ways.
"This becomes especially troubling when
misinformation and fear tactics are used to
intimidate citizens from exercising their
democratic rights and protect bureaucratic
power. Olson's own opinion piece opposing
the referendum provides a very misleading
and one-sided evaluation.
"The likely impact of prospective
legislation normally is evaluated by an
agency's legal counsel - without taking
sides - and is subject to final
interpretation through implementation and
court review. Instead, Sullivan issues what
amounts to an ultimatum to North Dakota:
Passing the initiative "will result in
immediate suspension of all federal payments
for the state's child support enforcement
program. Temporary Aid for Needy Families
funding also would be jeopardized."
"This is not an advisory opinion. It is a
threat. Under 45 CFR 305.61, no penalty can
be imposed for noncompliance without a
notice. At a minimum, the state would have a
year for corrective action before losing any
federal funds. Thereafter, the penalties are
1 to 2 percent for the first finding, 2 to 3
percent for the second and 3 to 5 percent
for subsequent findings.
"States actually have been out of
compliance with child support regulations
for years. Like other states, North Dakota
does not base its guidelines on the cost of
raising children within that state, as
required by federal law. Yet no state
consequently has lost any funding, let alone
"all" of it and "immediately."
"At no point has anyone demonstrated that
Sullivan has the statutory authority to
immediately cut off all funds. Threatening
to do so with authority he does not have is
intimidation. Actually doing so is breaking
the law.
"Rather than allowing themselves to be
intimidated, North Dakotans should be
outraged at these pressure tactics by
bureaucrats and politicians who are supposed
to be the peoples' servants. State referenda
exist precisely to use participatory
democracy to overcome inaction by
politicians, inertia by bureaucrats and
power centralized in Washington.
"The eyes of the nation will be on North
Dakota this fall. Standing up to federal
bullying will leave all Americans in North
Dakota's debt."
Warren Farrell to
Address ACFC Conference
The ACFC
has just announced that Dr. Warren Farrell
will be speaking at the National
Family Law Reform Conference, September 15
-16, 2006 at the Crystal Gateway Marriott in
Arlington, Virginia.
Dr. Farrell has authored half-a-dozen
books including: Father and Child Reunion
and his most recent release Why Men Earn
More. Warren is completing work on a
compilation of research studies which
support Shared Parenting and will be sharing
with conference attendees information on
making the case for shared parenting.
This is the time for Shared Parenting and
Fatherhood advocates to come together and
demonstrate the existence of a viable Family
Law Reform movement. Our efforts are being
endorsed by significant organizations
outside our movement. A partial list of
confirmed speakers includes:
Dr. Warren
Farrell; Phyllis Schlafly; Michael McManus;
Dr. Stephen Baskerville; and Glenn Sacks.
Click here to register for this event.
PBS Documentary on Family Law to Be Aired
The documentary on family law which PBS
promised after our
Campaign Against PBS's Father-Bashing
Breaking the Silence is called
Kids & Divorce: For
Better or Worse, and it will be airing
on PBS affiliates in mid-September.
PBS broadcast the
anti-father documentary
Breaking the Silence: Children's Stories
on many of its affiliates last October. The
film accused family courts of anti-mother
bias, attacked
Parental Alienation Syndrome, and
portrayed divorced dads seeking shared
custody as batterers and child molesters
aiming to steal children from their mothers.
The film was extremely one-sided, and
presented a harmful and inaccurate view of
divorce and child custody cases.
Working with
Fathers and Families, the
American Coalition for Fathers & Children
and others, we organized a campaign against
the film, and over 10,000 of you called or
wrote PBS to protest. Our demand was that
"PBS provide fatherhood and shared parenting
advocates a meaningful opportunity to
present our side."
The campaign generated
considerable media attention and
controversy, and both PBS's ombudsman and
the Corporation for Public Broadcasting's
ombudsman expressed sympathy with many of
our aims.
In November we made the
bombshell announcement that one of the women
profiled as a heroic mom in the film had
been found
culpable of multiple acts of child abuse
by a California Juvenile court. While the
film claims that the mother lost custody of
the daughter because of the father's legal
machinations, in reality the Juvenile court
transferred custody to the father to protect
the girl.
In December PBS issued a
statement saying they would commission an
hour-long documentary to examine the issues
raised in the film and by our campaign. PBS
said that "plans call for the documentary to
be produced and broadcast in Spring 2006"
and that the "hour-long treatment of the
subject will allow ample opportunity" for
those of differing views to "have their
perspectives shared, challenged and
debated." We commended PBS for
understanding our concerns and taking action
to address the situation.
In April PBS filmed and
interviewed Fathers & Families members. PBS
describes
Kids & Divorce: For
Better or Worse as follows:
"Millions of American
families are affected by divorce. Divorce
and its aftermath generate strong emotions,
sometimes influencing children into
rebellion and bad behavior. By profiling
several children and parents going through a
divorce, the program explores how divorce
affects children, how parents can lessen the
negative effects and the efforts to reform
how the way custody decisions are made."
Where the New PBS Film Is
Airing
Below is a list of some
of the stations and dates where
Kids & Divorce: For
Better or Worse is scheduled to air.
Most are airing multiple times--we listed
the most convenient dates below. Just as
Breaking the Silence
did not air on some PBS stations,
Kids & Divorce won't
either. However, if you know of an airing of
Kids & Divorce which
is not listed, please email us at
glenn@glennsacks.com.
WGBH in Boston (9/12/06), KQED in the Bay
Area/San Francisco (9/15/06, 9/16/06),
New Hampshire Public Television (9/21/2006),
Alabama Public Television, (9/1/9/06,
9/21/06), KRLU in Austin, Texas (9/17/06),
Louisiana Public Broadcasting (9/14/06,
9/15/06),
Wisconsin Public Television (9/14/06),
KUED in Salt Lake City (9/14/06),
WPSU in Central Pennsylvania (9/16/06), KTWU
in Topeka, Kansas (9/17/06), MPTV in
Milwaukee, Wisconsin (9/16/06), KTSC in
Denver/Rocky Mountains (9/28/06), Iowa
Public Television (9/14/06), KTNW in
Washington state (9/15/06) and Kentucky
Educational Television (9/14/06).
|
Accurate Paternity
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Paternity fraud in
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unfortunately a
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occurrence,
affecting perhaps
millions of men. Now
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to talk to a DNA
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order a confidential
test today.
Attention California
Child Support
Obligors
Under the
Compromise of Back
Child Support
Program, when
money is owed to the
government (not the
mother), the
government may
compromise on back
child support for up
to 90% off. This law
was passed in
recognition of the
fact that there have
been many
inequitable child
support judgments
that can no longer
be appealed. We
operate anywhere in
California--to learn
more about this
program, contact
family law attorney
Robert Ackermann at
(310) 442-8240 or at
ChildsupportLA@aol.com. |
|
Conservative Censorship?
One of my readers wrote
me and told me that when he tried to post my
recent column
Respect a Man's Choice, Too (AlterNet, 8/1/06) on
www.freerepublic.com, a popular
conservative website where he frequently
participates in forums, freerepublic blocked
him and sent him the following message:
"Source is Blocked,
article not posted alternet.org material not
wanted on FR."
Perhaps there's more to
this than I'm aware of--if anybody knows
anything, feel free to educate me. But at
first glance it appears to be the same type
of suppression of voices that conservatives
often claim liberals are guilty of.
|
Father Sues Adoption Agency for Giving
Away His Baby Boy
Mark Huddleston is the biological father of a two
year-old boy he says he wants to raise. But a judge
has ruled the child should remain with its adoptive
parents, who have had custody since the infant was
three days old. Huddleston claims he didn't know the
baby existed until two months after its birth, and
the state said the private adoption agency hadn't
properly notified Huddleston.
Despite doing everything possible to be a father
to his son, Huddleston's baby boy was given away by
a vindictive mother working hand in glove with a
predatory adoption agency. Last summer we covered
the Mark Huddleston case on
His Side with Glenn Sacks--to listen, go to
Father Fights Adoption Agency for Right to Raise His
Son (7/17/05).
Jane Spies of the
National Family Justice Association, who has
done wonderful work on the Huddleston case, informs
me that Huddleston is now suing the adoption agency.
According to
Biological parent of toddler files lawsuit against
Albuquerque Agency (Albuquerque Tribune,
8/22/06):
"The biological
father of a 2-year-old boy has filed a lawsuit
against the Albuquerque agency he says put his son
up for adoption without his permission.
"The lawsuit,
filed late Monday in state District Court in
Albuquerque, charges that Adoptions Plus knew or
should have known that Mark Huddleston, 40, was the
father of the child but purposely failed to notify
him of the existence of his child and failed to
obtain his consent to the adoption...
"Huddleston's
lawsuit comes nearly a month after the state Court
of Appeals reversed a decision by state District
Judge John Pope in Valencia County to terminate
Huddleston's parental rights.
"According to that
opinion, it was not sufficiently proven that
Huddleston had abandoned the child after the birth
and that his consent was required before the mother
proceeded with the adoption.
"The appellate
court also ruled that Huddleston's actions, or lack
of them, before the baby's birth didn't prove that
he caused the parent-child relationship to
disintegrate.
"According to the
appellate opinion, the child was the result of a
six-month relationship that ended June 2003 between
Helen G., an Albuquerque hotel employee, and
Huddleston, an account executive for a company that
delivered chemicals to the hotel.
"Huddleston's
lawsuit said that the mother kept her pregnancy a
secret and that she 'insisted' that he have no
further contact with her once the couple split up.
"In January 2004,
the lawsuit said that Helen contacted the agency to
put her unborn son up for adoption and that she
identified Huddleston and another man as the
possible fathers.
"The baby was born
Feb. 14, 2004. According to previous court
documents, the infant was placed three days later
into the adoptive home of Bobby and Rosario
Romero...
"But Huddleston
said he did not know he had fathered a child until
he received a notice from the adoption agency three
days after the notice date of April 16, 2004, the
lawsuits said.
"Huddleston, the
lawsuit states, immediately called the agency but
was told to call back in the morning. That day, he
and his wife spoke with Catherine Troy, Adoptions
Plus executive director and placement supervisor, in
person and were told by her that he had no right to
the child, the lawsuit said.
"'She said he
would never get custody of the child and that the
child had been placed in a good home,' the lawsuit
said. 'Ms. Troy also admitted that she never
notified Mr. Huddleston about the adoption and
termination proceedings.'"
"That same day,
Huddleston hired an attorney. Later that month, he
filed a paternity suit to contest the adoption.
"A DNA test
court-ordered in May 2004 was delayed by the Romeros
and finally conducted in June 2004; the test
indicated that Huddleston was the father, the
lawsuit said.
"Despite that, the
lawsuit said Huddleston was denied visits with and
photos of his son until December 2004 when he was
allowed limited, supervised visits after the state
Children, Youth and Families Department intervened.
"Those visits were
stopped with Pope's decision to terminate his
parental rights on April 14, 2005.
"The lawsuit says
that as a result of the actions of Adoptions Plus
Huddleston has suffered severe emotional pain,
distress and anxiety, loss of earnings and
substantial financial expenses.
"The lawsuit seeks
financial compensation of more than $40,000 in legal
fees as well as punitive damages."
Read the rest of
the article
here. Let's hope Huddleston wacks the agency
good--perhaps that will provide these adoption
agencies with the incentive to stop giving fathers'
children away...
John Murtari Update
Last enewsletter I
wrote about John Murtari, a loving father to his 13
year-old son Domenic, who refused food and water
after his incarceration on July 31 for a
questionable child support arrearage. Murtari
received a feeding tube last week. I've read John's
e-newsletter for the past several years, and while
at times I've disagreed with his tactics, I do
respect his courage, courteous manner and fighting
spirit. To learn more about John's situation, and
for the latest updates, go to Teri Stoddard's blog
here.
The
Syracuse
Post-Standard, Murtrari's home newspaper, just
printed several letters defending John--see
Custody Battle: Readers defend John Murtari's fight
for parental rights.
|
Expose False Allegations
with Technology
Don't let the anti-male bias
in criminal law victimize
you. If you could be falsely
accused by an angry woman,
be prepared! Use technology
to expose the real
aggressor.
DontMakeHerMad.com
New Jersey Divorce and
Family Law
New Jersey family law
attorney David Perry Davis,
Esq. can help you through
your divorce. In
Pasqua v. Council (2006)
Davis successfully
challenged New Jersey's
unconstitutional practice of
failing to appoint attorneys
for indigent child support
obligors at enforcement
hearings where they face
incarceration. As a result
of this suit, trial courts
must apply the same standard
used when a defendant
requests a public defender
in a criminal matter.
www.dpdlaw.com |
|
Men 'Deserve What They Get'?
A few weeks ago
Metro Silicon
Valley published a large article on the problem
of fallacious default paternity judgments--Who's
Your Daddy? (Metro
Silicon Valley, 7/19/06). As I noted in my
co-authored column
New American Bar Association Article Points to
Crisis in False Paternity Judgments (Baltimore
Sun, 8/20/06), these men "are forced to pay 18
years of child support for children who are not
theirs, and who in many cases they've never even
met...the victims of false paternity judgments
aren't men trying to evade their legitimate
responsibilities, nor are they Nicholas Barthas
determined to ensure that their exes will never get
a penny. They are instead victims of one of the most
indefensible civil rights violations in America
today--an injustice which cries out for redress."
Metro Silicon Valley has a circulation of
200,000 and is one of the largest weekly
publications in California. The article has quotes
from numerous people involved in the struggle
against paternity fraud, including: longtime
paternity fraud crusader Carnell Smith;
Taron James, the founder of
Veterans Fighting Paternity Fraud; Santa Ana
family law attorney Linda Ferrer, winner of the
Navarro case; myself; and others. To learn
more see
CA Weekly Does Cover Story on Problem of Default
Paternity Judgments
Since then there have been some interesting
reactions to the piece. One is feminist Theresa
Vander Horn's
Men Deserve What They Get. Vander Horn writes:
"Leave it to Metro
to trumpet a men's cause that isn't ("Who's
Your Daddy?," MetroNews, July 19). By any
measure, the overwhelming problem in child support
is lack of it. Yet
Metro finds a few hapless men who couldn't be
bothered even to show up in court on their own
behalf. This is not a child support problem, not
even a paternity problem. This is a delinquency
problem. Their problems would be the same if they
had failed to show up in traffic court or small
claims court. What the public does need to know is
that "men's rights" groups are often tied to
religious groups. The "right" that men's groups are
protecting is the "right" to have sex whenever they
please with whomever, the right to parent if and
when they feel like doing so and the right to "move
on" if and when it suits them. This is the assertion
of biblical domination of women. Any attempt to hold
them accountable is assailed as flawed and unfair.
(Heaven forbid life be unfair to a man.) If a man is
so indiscriminate that he doesn't even know if he
has fathered a child, that man is not so innocent
after all. These men are reckless, just as reckless
as the men who show up months or years later to
claim babies they didn't even know they had (i.e.,
Baby Jessica, Baby Richard ...). The "right" being
protected for these men is the right to be reckless
and carefree--a rare luxury for women on this globe.
Women have been dealing for centuries with the
fall-out of men's reckless sexual behavior and all
women ever got was advice to be more chaste. Yet
when a few not-so "innocent" men are caught in the
undertow, they squeal like drowning pigs and their
meager cries drown out the wails of women going down
shit's creek by the millions. Given the magnitude of
paternal delinquency, the gerrymandering of support
guidelines and the disparate impact of women, why
does Metro
trumpet the cause of these few hapless delinquents?"
Another interesting letter is
Men R Not Always Pigs from shared parenting
advocate Adryenn Ashley. Ashley writes:
"The
default rate [in Los Angeles] was so high because
the County of Los Angeles hired a process serving
company that is known in the industry for less than
professional service. So while a default may have
been taken against a man, that in no way means that
he actually got served. That really depends on who
said he got served. Process servers are like
roofers, you have some excellent ones and some
shabby ones who will do anything to earn the fee,
even signing that they served a man in an apartment
complex that burned down the month before. Or in
Taron James' case, served him at the corner
two-story blue house, when he lives in the middle of
the block in a one-story white house. And in court,
I have seen that evidence not make a bit of
difference to the judge."
(A
quick note to
Metro Silicon Valley's headline writer--we men
aren't always
pigs? Gee, thanks!)
Another interesting letter is
Amazing Expose from one of my readers, John
Lehman. Lehman writes:
"The most
astounding thing in the whole article is near the
end, where Ms. Ruttenberg shows that the government
makes no attempt to hold mothers accountable even
when (as illustrated earlier in the article) they
wreak such havoc by naming the wrong father. Many
readers will also have noticed that women generally
are not held accountable for lying about anything:
rape, domestic violence, and so on
ad nauseum. A
lot of us have been their victims. (Women are
sometimes victims in other ways, but that's beyond
the scope of this letter)."
Help for Maryland Fathers
Family law attorney
Dawn Elaine Bowie works
to protect parents'
relationships with their
children and reduce
post-divorce conflict. She
practices in Montgomery,
Anne Arundel and Prince
George's Counties. Contact
her at
attorneydawn@marylandfamilylawfirm.com
or go to
www.marylandfamilylawfirm.com.
Tree House Solutions
Tree House
Solutions, LLC is a growing
and evolving resource
designed to meet the
emotional and informational
needs of parents who are
going through divorce and
those already divorced. Tree
House activities are
composed of live, real time
teleconferences on a weekly
basis. These sessions are
conducted by two highly
experienced mental health
practitioners, versed in
high conflict divorce. Drs.
Bone and Evans offer a wide
spectrum of suggestions and
education regarding the
divorce process and
co-parenting with difficult
former spouses.
www.treehousesolutions.org
|
|
Column:
Philadelphia Daily News Unfairly Stereotypes
Dads
My recent
co-authored column,
Philadelphia Daily News Unfairly Stereotypes Dads
(Philadelphia Daily News, 8/2/06), fires back at the
newspaper for two recent father-bashing "news"
stories--Jail
Threat Springs $$ (7/20/06) and
Woman starts Web site to shame vanished dads
(7/20/06). In the column family
law attorney Jeff Leving and I criticized
anti-father webmistress
Fadia Ward, who the paper praised. We wrote:
"In [reporter Dana]
DiFillippo's other article, 'Woman starts Web site
to shame vanished dads,' she salutes activist Fadia
Ward and her website
www.sorryassbabydaddies.com. Ward excoriates
dads and calls on her fellow sisters to publicly
humiliate them, saying 'our men have got to get it
together...the only way to do that is to take their
manhood away.' Certainly there are fathers who do
not come through for their children. Yet Ward, who
at age 27 has had four children by four different
fathers, eschews any personal fault for her own
situation, claiming that none of her four births
were intended."
"The home page of Ward's website depicts an
African-American father shouting 'get outta here
with all that' as his two little children cry at his
feet, begging for his affection, and the children's
mother cries and holds out a baby to him. This is a
terrible distortion of the lives of divorced or
separated dads, many of whom struggle to remain a
part of their children's lives.
"According to the Children's
Rights Council, a Washington, DC-based children's
advocacy group, more than five million American
children each year have their access to their
noncustodial parents interfered with or blocked by
custodial parents. These fathers must wage expensive
court battles in order to see their children. Some
can't afford it and give up, and are understandably
unenthused about sacrificing to pay support to the
exes who separated them from their kids."
I do commend the Philadelphia
Daily News for allowing our criticism onto its
opinion pages. To write a Letter to the Editor about
Unfairly stereotyping dads (8/2/06), click
here.
Anti-Father Blogger Wrong but Not Completely Wrong
One of the things I sometimes regret about writing
is that, given the tight word limits and fierce
competition in newspaper columns, I'm often not able
to give my columns the subtlety I'd like to. And
while Ward's accusations are unfair, they're not
completely unfair--there is some truth to what she
says. I told the story below on the radio a couple
years ago:
"And it's true that there are people who just don't
care about their kids. Let me tell you one of the
saddest stories I ever heard. The secretary at
another radio station where I used to do the show
told me a story about her son. The father and the
mother broke up when the boy was about four or five,
and the father soon disappeared from the boy's life.
When the boy started school he always worked very
hard and did all his homework and got good grades,
even though his mother never pushed him to do well
in school or to do his homework. She didn't have to
push him--he always did it on his own.
"One day when the boy was about nine the mother got
curious about this. After all, most boys don't take
to school so well, and aren't as conscientious about
their studies. I know--I've lived it with my son for
many, many years. So at one point the mom asked the
boy 'why do you work so hard at school and do so
well?' The boy looked at her and replied 'well, I
think if I do really well in school, maybe my daddy
will come back.'"
Column: Glenn Debates Feminist over 'Roe v. Wade for
Men' Lawsuit
Family law attorney Jeff Leving and I squared off
against feminist columnist Kai Ma over the
controversial 'Roe v. Wade for Men' lawsuit on the
prominent left-wing website AlterNet. Our column is
Respect a Man's Choice, Too, Ma's is
The Difference Between a Womb and a Wallet. In
our column we wrote:
"Ma condemns men who 'lie, deceive, break
their promises, or pull a 180...who agree to marry
but don't,' and laments that 'millions of women'
have been 'trapped into single motherhood for life
with, often, next to no recourse.' Yet according to
a randomized study of 46,000 divorce cases published
in the American Law and Economics Review, two‑thirds
of all divorces involving couples with children are
initiated by mothers, not fathers, and in only 6% of
cases did the women claim to be divorcing cruel or
abusive husbands.
"The out-of-wedlock birth rate in the
United States hovers around 33%--given the wide
variety of contraceptive and reproductive choices
women enjoy, this can hardly be blamed primarily on
men. Yes, in some of these cases the mother and
father shared a relationship which the mother (and
the father) may have expected would become a
marriage. Yet these relationships fail for many
reasons besides male perfidy. These include: youth;
economic pressure and the lack of living wage jobs
(how many couples fight over money?); and the
mothers' post-partum depression and mood-swings.
It's doubtful that many men really wake up in the
morning and say to themselves 'my child loves me and
needs me, my girlfriend loves me and needs me--I'm
outta here.'"
The column also provided me the
opportunity to present my view on "Roe v. Wade for
Men" in a more subtle, nuanced way than when I've
written on the issue for newspapers:
"Whenever a child is born outside of the
context of a loving, two-parent family, there are no
good solutions. Ma overstates her case, but she is
correct that 'Choice for Men' is a flawed solution.
However, the current regime, which provides women
with a variety of choices and men with none, is also
flawed.
"Dubay's conduct is not particularly
admirable, and he's certainly not a candidate for
father of the year; however, he does have a point.
Over the past four decades women's advocates have
successfully made the case that it is wrong to force
a pregnancy on an unwilling mother. Despite the
backlash against Dubay, hopefully his lawsuit will
result in a greater societal awareness that it is
also wrong to force a pregnancy on an unwilling
father."
Respect a Man's Choice, Too is drawing a lot of
comments--to join the debate, click
here.
A Foray into a Feminist Stronghold
Respect a Man's Choice, Too was ranked as the
3rd most read article at AlterNet for the week in
which it ran, and drew almost 400 reader comments.
In part because AlterNet is a left-wing/pro-feminist
news website, many of the comments are negative.
AlterNet's regular columnists include liberal
luminaries
Arianna Huffington,
Earl Ofari Hutchinson,
Molly Ivins and
Robert Scheer. According to Wikipedia, the San
Francisco-based AlterNet is "a project of the
Independent
Media Institute, and politically
left-of-center. AlterNet's content is mostly
progressive and ostensibly independent of any
particular political party...they get over 1.5
million visitors per month."
I believe this is a positive thing. As I've noted on
many occasions, while I welcome our conservative
allies, we're not going to win shared parenting
without a wide base--one which very much includes
the left. This is one of the reasons I've felt it's
important to be published in mainstream newspapers,
which tend to be liberal and pro-feminist. There are
constituencies on the left which would be very
sympathetic to our message. The best example are
black Democrats. Pardon the generalization, but
American whites are largely in denial about the
damage caused by fatherlessness. They're also addled
by anti-male feminism. Blacks, because of their
experiences, see the cost of fatherlessness more
clearly than whites do.
This is Feminist Territory--No Sacks Allowed...
Many of the comments (and the comments about the piece
on feminist blogs) are of the "This is our turf--why
is Sacks allowed on it?" variety. I've seen this
attitude many times in mainstream newspapers--they
don't expect men's and fathers' advocates to be
there, and they sure as hell don't expect a male men
and fathers' advocate to be there.
Among those who have publicly displayed this attitude
towards me are Esta Soler, president of the Family
Violence Prevention Fund (in the San Francisco
Chronicle) and Marcia Pappas, president of the New
York state chapter of the National Organization for
Women (in the Albany Times-Union). I was once banned
from a newspaper (sorry--can't publicly reveal which
one) after a feminist leader who I had criticized
made a phone call. I guess they don't want their
views challenged or debated.
Help for Seattle Fathers
The Law Offices of O. Yale
Lewis III is a one-person
law firm that focuses on
customer care. Mr. Lewis can
help you identify and focus
on the outcome that you want
and implement the steps
necessary to get there.
www.yalelewislaw.com.
Help for California Divorced
Dads
The Divorced Fathers Network
helps dads in Los Angeles,
the Bay Area and Santa Cruz.
Local chapters sponsor free
weekly co-parenting classes,
individual mentoring for
fathers and much more.
www.divorcedfathers.com.
|
|
Column: Brett Myers Case Obscures an Important Truth
About Domestic Violence Arrests
My recent co-authored column,
Brett Myers Case Obscures an Important Truth About
Domestic Violence Arrests (Delaware County Daily Times [Philadelphia],
8/2/06,
Fredericksburg Free Lance-Star, 8/5/06), has a
different take on the highly-publicized Brett Myers
incident. In the column Mike McCormick, Executive
Director of the
American Coalition for Fathers and Children, and
I wrote:
"An important truth has been lost in the controversy
over the way the Philadelphia Phillies handled
pitcher Brett Myers after his recent arrest for
spousal abuse. Mrs. Myers' injuries and the accounts
of several witnesses leave little reason to doubt
her husband's culpability. Nevertheless, the
Phillies at first reserved judgment about the case,
and allowed Myers to pitch.
"This was wrong, as the team admitted after widespread
criticism, and Myers was given a leave of absence.
However, in many domestic violence cases the men
arrested do deserve the open mind and support which
the Phillies' mistakenly extended Myers. Spousal
abuse arrests are often dubious, in part because of
misguided domestic violence laws and law enforcement
policies...
"Contrary to the charges leveled by the Phillies'
numerous critics, the club wasn't wrong in its
desire to afford its player the benefit of the
doubt. The problem is that in Myers' case there is
no doubt. However, the next time an athlete is
arrested for domestic violence, there probably will
be. Will the team involved turn its back on its
player because of the precedent set in the Myers
case?"
Read the full column
here.
To write a Letter to the Editor about the column, write
to the
Delaware County Daily Times regarding "Myers Case
Obscures an Important Truth About Domestic Violence
Arrests" (8/2/06) at
ldemeglio@delcotimes.com. Write to the
Fredericksburg Free Lance-Star regarding
Spousal abuse: One strike and you're out, even if
you didn't swing (8/5/06) at
letters@freelancestar.com. If your letter is
published, let me know and I will link to it from a
future e-newsletter.
I've previously discussed the Brett Myers incident in
this e-newsletter--see
The Brett Myers Saga: Baseball Player Beats Wife on
Boston Street. Also, see my discussion of a 1901
baseball player's arrest for domestic violence and
the public's reaction to it at
Violence Against Women Culturally Acceptable?
The Secrets of Happily Married Men
How can a man achieve a long and happy
marriage? If you've been checking out
advice columns or seeing a therapist,
you may have been looking in the wrong
place. Despite all the advances in brain
technology, and all of that we have
learned about developmental
psychology--men and women are given the
same advice about solving problems. But
when we ask men what works for them, we
hear a different story.
www.SecretsofMarriedMen.com
|
Baseball Pitcher Scott Erickson Got the Shaft
In the column we wrote "An excellent example of what
can happen to an athlete, or any man, is the saga of
another major league pitcher arrested for spousal
abuse--Scott Erickson." I've complained about the
Erickson case numerous times in print and on the air
over the past several years. The
Free Lance-Star published an Associated Press
picture of Erickson, with a nice caption:
"Though former Orioles pitcher Scott Erickson tried to
avoid a fight with an out-of-control girlfriend, the
authors say, he still found himself in handcuffs
under Maryland's mandatory-arrest policy in
domestic-abuse complaints."
Of Erickson we wrote:
"Erickson was arrested after he called the police
during an altercation with his girlfriend in July of
2002. According to the Associated Press, the
Baltimore police concluded that Erickson's
girlfriend Lisa Ortiz: initiated the fight by
hurling objects; decided to come back twice after
Erickson carried her out of the apartment;
repeatedly kicked the apartment door; caused
Erickson two minor injuries, one of them to his
pitching arm; and herself suffered no injuries.
"Nonetheless, the police arrested Erickson under
Maryland's mandatory arrest law. Afterwards Ortiz
publicly stated that Erickson, who did not pursue
her either time after carrying her out, 'has never
been physically abusive toward me.'
"After Erickson's arrest he was excoriated by
sportswriters and domestic violence activists.
Later, even as a police spokesperson announced that
the charges against Erickson were being dropped, the
spokesperson continued to refer to Ortiz as 'the
victim.' To this day the influential Family Violence
Prevention Fund lists Erickson in its 'Hall of
Shame.'"
Philly News Reporter Has History of Man-Bashing
One of my Philadelphia readers saw
Philadelphia Daily News Unfairly Stereotypes Dads
(Philadelphia Daily News, 8/2/06), in which I
criticized reporter Dana DiFilippo, and wrote to me
about DiFilippo's previous manbashing. According to
the reader:
"In May, a Philadelphia woman sexually mutilated her
husband by ripping off part of his scrotum with her
fingernails. She was arrested, and I'm happy to say
most media outlets in this area treated the story
with gravity, not attempts at humor. DiFilippo was
the exception."
DiFilippo's article was
A GENITAL REMINDER (5/18/06). DiFilippo wrote:
"With their wedding anniversary less than two weeks
away, Howard Randolph was thinking romance. He hoped
to take his wife, Monica, out for an intimate dinner
and maybe an oldies-but-goodies show to celebrate 11
years of matrimony.
"But yesterday, his mind was more on divorce and jail
for his wife after she almost became Philadelphia's
own Lorena Bobbitt.
"Monica Randolph didn't need a kitchen knife. She took
matters into her own hands.
"The Nicetown man said he had been sleeping peacefully
in the couple's bed Tuesday night when his wife
pounced on him without warning, grabbed his groin,
dug her manicured fingernails in and flayed him,
leaving his gore-slicked gonads dangling much lower
than normal.
"'She didn't use no weapon - this was just sheer brute
strength and fingernails. She grabbed me by my
[scrotum] and ripped it apart with her bare hands,'
Randolph said yesterday from his hospital bed at
Albert Einstein Medical Center, where he was in
stable condition with stitched and bandaged
genitals...
"A neighbor who heard the commotion also called police,
who took Monica Randolph into custody and charged
her with aggravated assault and related offenses.
"Talk about a strict violation of the penal code...
"Monica Randolph told arresting officers that she had
attacked her husband because he was cheating on her.
But her husband denied having any affairs. He
remains mystified as to his wife's motive and
demanded that she receive a stiff punishment...
"News of the genital mangling aroused a mixture of
horrified gasps and guilty giggles in the Randolphs'
neighborhood, where few knew the couple who had
moved into the brick rowhouse on Pulaski Avenue near
Bouvier Street in April.
"Meanwhile, neighbors were left to speculate on
explanations for the attack.
"'She got to be crazy,' said Dionne Martin, 18, who
basked in the spring sunshine on friend Rochelle
Odd's porch steps.
"Odd, 21, agreed: 'That woman was crazy, but I'm on her
side. I don't think no guy deserves to have his
balls ripped off. But she's got to be deep in love -
that's what would make a woman do this. If they was
together all those years and he cheated on her, she
wanted him to feel what she was feeling. There's a
lesson to be learned here: Don't cheat on your
woman.'"
Read the full article
here. I'm particularly annoyed by Rochelle Odd's
comment. Talk about a vindictive woman. Does this
mean a man has the right to beat his girlfriend up
if she cheats on him? I guess so. And while our
opponents fall all over themselves to deny that
there is such a thing as Parental Alienation
Syndrome, is there any doubt that vindictive women
like this would attempt to alienate their children
from their children's fathers?
DiFilippo can be reached at
difilid@phillynews.com.
Glenn Discusses Shared Parenting Movement on Morning
Beat with Curtis Wright
I discussed the shared parenting movement and my
co-authored column
NOW at 40: Group's Opposition to Shared Parenting
Contradicts Its Goal of Gender Equality (New
York Daily News, 7/27/06) on Morning Beat with
Curtis Wright on 106.3 FM "The Big Talker" in
Wilmington, North Carolina on Thursday, August 3.
Are You Really the Father?
Find out the underlying flaws in the DNA
paternity testing system and learn how a
man with results in the 90%, 95% or even
99% positive range may not be the
father. Learn what most lawyers and
judges don't know about paternity
testing.
www.paternitytestflaw.com.
Congressional Candidate Takes Strong
Stand for Noncustodial Parents' Rights
In 2004 Libertarian presidential
candidate Michael Badnarik had a strong
noncustodial parents' rights
platform. Badnarik is clearly aware
of and sensitive to the basic problems
fathers today face, particularly the
sole custody norm and the denigration of
noncustodial parents to "second class
parent" status. Badnarik is running for
Congress in 2006--to learn more, go to
www.badnarik.org. |
Dear Abby: Mom Wants Help to End Her Violent Nature
An interesting new
Dear Abby column:
"Dear Abby:
"Last week I hit my husband. My daughter saw me do
it. My parents were violent when they were drunk,
and I swore I would never do that, but it happened.
"Abby, can my children forget my mistakes, or are
they doomed to keep repeating this violence from
generation to generation? Can it stop here if I get
proper help? How do I prevent my children from
following in my -- and my parents' -- footsteps?
"SORRY MOM in Canada
"Dear Sorry Mom:
"Your children are not 'doomed.' They can learn
better ways to manage their anger, and so can you.
Tell your daughter you were wrong to hit her father,
and you regret it. Explain that you are going to see
a counselor and learn more appropriate ways to deal
with your anger and frustration, and that you'll
share what you learn with her and your other
children.
"Make an appointment with a therapist soon, and
locate the nearest chapter of Adult Children of
Alcoholics. ACA is a 12-step group of people who
grew up much as you did. They'll help you understand
the dynamics of your behavior and assist you in
overcoming your learned reaction to problems.
"You can write to Adult Children of Alcoholics World
Services Organization, P.O. Box 3216, Torrance, CA
90510 for the location of the nearest chapter. You
may also access www.adultchildren.org.
"My compliments to you for acknowledging your
problem and seeking help. You're two-thirds of the
way toward resolving it."
As I've written before, one of the many problems with
the current domestic violence system is that, for
political reasons, all of the forces involved--the
police, the judges, the domestic violence treatment
providers, etc.--are forced to pretend that only men
commit domestic violence. As a result, when a woman
is abusive there usually is little help available
for her male victim, as well as for abusive women
who want to change. The Woods case in California,
which is currently at the center of a controversial
lawsuit, is a classic example. I and Marc Angelucci,
the attorney in the case, co-authored
Domestic Violence Lawsuit Will Help Secure Services
for All Abuse Victims (Los Angeles Daily
Journal, San Francisco Daily Journal, 12/28/05). In
the column we wrote:
"At the age of 11, Maegan Woods tried to
stop a domestic dispute between her parents. She
soon found herself staring down the barrel of her
father's shotgun. She watched helplessly as the
trigger was pulled. She is only alive today because
the gun didn't fire--the safety was on.
"Maegan was abused and witnessed domestic
violence in her home for most of her childhood. By
age seven there had been knife attacks, punches,
kicks, and more. It was hard to leave--the abuser
was the one who earned the money, and the victim was
unable to work because of a disability. On numerous
occasions they looked for help to escape the abuse
but were refused. Why?
"Because in Maegan's family, the abused
spouse was her father, and the battering and child
abuse were perpetrated by her mother.
"The California Battered Women Protection Act of
1994, codified in Health & Safety Codes Section
124250, et. seq., created funding for domestic
violence shelter-based services. However, by
defining domestic violence as something only
experienced by women, the statutes exclude male
victims from receiving state-funded domestic
violence services, including shelter, hotel
arrangements, counseling and legal services.
"Maegan, now 21, and her father, David
Woods, are the lead plaintiffs in a new lawsuit
against the State of California and numerous state
agencies and state-funded domestic violence service
providers. Beginning in the mid-1980s, David was
violently attacked on numerous occasions by his wife
Ruth, who suffers from a bi-polar disorder which, in
her case, creates a propensity toward violence.
"On several occasions David decided that he and
Maegan should get out of the house to escape Ruth's
violence. However, with his disabling condition and
inability to work, David had no money to provide for
himself and his daughter. Numerous times he
contacted a Sacramento domestic violence agency he
had heard of in the media, WEAVE, but they always
told him "we don't help men," and never offered him
a referral to another facility. David tried churches
and various programs, but all they could offer for
men were homeless shelters with waiting lists. He
found nothing for abused men and their children.
David gave up and sank into a heavy depression.
"By February 2003, Maegan began telling her father
to find a place of safety from Ruth's violence. He
again called WEAVE and again was told "we don't help
men." Maegan, then 18, became so frustrated watching
David being abused that she called WEAVE herself and
insisted they help her father. According to Maegan,
WEAVE said they do not help men, and that men are
the perpetrators of domestic violence, not the
victims."
In a letter written earlier this year
Maegan wrote:
"As a child I grew up watching my mother
commit multiple acts of violence against my dad. The
earliest incident I remember occurred when I was
four, and my mother continued to be violent up until
April of 2003.
"No one would help. Teachers, parents of friends,
anyone I tried to talk to about what was going on at
home basically told me I didn't understand, and that
my mother couldn't possibly be the violent party.
The few times the police came to our home, they
would always be ready to arrest my father, sometimes
getting so far as to put the handcuffs on him, and
it was up to me to scream as loud as possible that
it was my mommy and not my daddy so they wouldn't
take him away and leave me with her.
"Sometimes when my mom would attack, Pops would try
to defend himself, just to get her off him, stop
hitting him, whatever. Every time he defended
himself, whether he left bruises or not, Mom would
go get a restraining order. She didn't have to show
bruises or prove she was in danger or anything, just
saying she was 'afraid' was enough.
"I grew up in this sort of environment and I learned
the only way to survive was to watch every argument
they had and be ready to interject myself as a
distraction if I could before violence happened. I
grew up paranoid and feeling like the safety in my
house was something only I was responsible for. If
Mom became violent, it meant I FAILED. That feeling
would hit me like a bucket of cold water, but there
wouldn't be any time for feeling sorry for myself.
My next task was to try to break it up, screaming,
threatening, pleading, whatever. I had to make sure
no details escaped me because if the cops got called
they'd just believe my mom without question, and it
was MY job to make sure the truth at least got
heard."
To read the full letter, see
Abused Man's Daughter Speaks Out--Maegan Woods Talks
About Her Childhood. Also, see my column
Domestic Violence Treatment Policies Put Abused
Women in Harm's Way (Daily Breeze [Los Angeles],
11/7/05).
|
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Legal Help for Fathers
If you live in Los Angeles, Riverside or
Orange counties and you're facing a
divorce, separation, or a child custody
issue, the law firm of Oddenino & Gaule
can help. |
Tiger Woods and Fathers
One of my readers, Chris Anderson, sent the
letter below to the Kansas City Star:
"When Tiger Woods won his third British Open last
Sunday, he dedicated it to his father, Earl, who
passed away this year. It was clear that Tiger cried
tears of joy and tears of sorrow that "Pop" was
missing. Tiger credits 'Pop' as being his best
friend and for helping him become the golfer and man
he is today.
"Something occurred before Tiger finished his round
that created a timely juxtaposition. A protester ran
onto the 18th green, dropped purple chalk in several
places, and shouted something like 'Fathers for
Justice.' Apparently, this man is part of a British
organization that works on behalf of fathers who
seek joint custody of their children.
"It begs the question: What kind of world have we
created where parents have to stage protests to stay
a part of their children's lives? Imagine if Tiger
had been prevented from seeing his father simply
because his parents divorced. Would the world ever
have known this champion, who is admirable both on
the course and off? And most importantly, isn't it
time we asked our children what they want?
"Just ask Tiger Woods. He will tell you how important
fathers are to their children."
Best Wishes,
Glenn Sacks
GlennSacks.com
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