Subject: How
men [AND CHILDREN] get shafted - Confessions
of a social worker.
Hi Children First Networks:
Here is another story on how Shelters
destroy families and children. This
one is right here in Fairfax County
and one of the oldest women's shelter
in the county.
-----------------------------------------
To: Health and Human Services, United
Way of the National Capitol Area,
National Organization for Women, Feminist
Majority, et alia,
Dear Sir/Madam,
I have been a volunteer worker at
Bethany House of Northern Virginia,
5901 Leesburg Pike, Falls Church,
Virginia, a private non-profit so
called battered women's shelter. I
wish to remain anonymous for fear
of personal and professional reprisals
by my co-workers and the Bethany House
staff.
In my experience working at the shelter
I am appalled and outraged by what
is really going on at Bethany House
of Northern Virginia (BHNV). To put
it bluntly, it is for most part nothing
more than a "one stop divorce
shop for emotional and bored housewives
who want a change of life".
It is also largely used as a free
hostel for women with emotional problems
if they are willing to hate their
husbands enough and are willing to
take out protective orders against
their husbands. Women who follow BHNV's
agenda are guaranteed residency at
the shelter for up to 7 months. All
of this in the name of a Battered
Women's shelter is sickening to disgust.
From my observations, the goal of
Bethany House is to get bored and
emotional housewives to leave their
marital home after infuriating them
with a heavy dose of husband bashing,
anti-male talk, patriarchy, and negative
motivation. This is carefully planned
and executed by the Bethany House
staff and volunteers.
Simple tasks as cooking, cleaning,
laundry, taking care of children are
explained to the housewives as abusive
and demeaning tasks forced upon them
by their spouses.
Marital arguments are explained as
serious verbal abuse. Occasional pushing
and showing are explained as serious
physical abuse. Decision-making is
shown as emotional abuse. The staff
and volunteers, through a network
of sources, identify emotional housewives.
With a series of pep talks, tests
and evaluations, BHNV staffs make
the wives and husbands incompatible,
infuriate the wife with propaganda,
and then exploit the wife's frustration
and anger as retaliation against the
husband. The wife is given verbal
and written instructions on how to
leave the house secretly for the BHNV
shelter.
Bethany House system resources are
geared to get the father charged with
an offence and to make the mother
look like the victim and the children
ending up as helpless pawns in the
abuse game manipulated by BHNV.
Women with almost no marital problems
are declared abused and are coached
by the staff to go to court and get
a protective order against their husbands
with the promise of long-term shelter,
legal services, counseling at BHNV.
BHNV also uses scare tactics to get
women to file a protective order.
This is a gross abuse of a system
that was designed for real battered
women.
Most of the staff and volunteers at
BHNV have a jaundiced view of marriage
and men, and attach little importance
to the role of fathers in children's
lives.
A majority of these staff and volunteers
are women who are themselves from
broken marriages and failed relationships,
enraged with a bottomless pit of anger
at men.
Women, staff and volunteers at the
shelter use foul language and spend
a lot of time father bashing, husband
bashing and hold group sessions to
initiate the same feelings to new
residents.
Bethany House is a terrible place,
not the environment where children
should be. Not even women.
A lot of Bethany House activities
are carefully doctored and monitored
and have to remain behind a "veil
of secrecy."
The BHNV network with their legal
services, Sociologists, and psychiatrists
practice a self-censorship. It's just
a lot of radical feminists making
biased judgements against fathers,
husbands, and families.
BHNV has repeatedly lied to charities
that they are a church and religious
organization. Indeed they are located
within the Culmore United Methodist
Church complex. But all they do is
rent space and have no connection
with the Church.
BHNV has misrepresented and repeatedly
lied to the United Way of the National
Capitol Area regarding BHNV's position
for several years.
In their United Way of the National
Capitol Area CVC Code 8046 Charity
Application form 2002, which I was
involved in, I and other volunteers
were told to outright lie and make
it as family oriented as possible.
According to the wording in the charity
form in verbatim, which I quote below.
(a) "BHNV family assistance program
for battered spouses and their children
provides multiple interventions blended
into a comprehensive family development/family
strengthening plan."
(b) "Outreach staff work with
each family to examine and alter behaviors,
and to enhance each victim's capacity
to exercise self-determination and
autonomy."
(c) "Once stabilized, victims
implement customized family strengthening
strategies, accessing services and
advocating for clients to ensure realization
of each individual's"
I can vouch for the fact that none
of the above statements presented
to United Way 2002 charity are anywhere
near truth. Their so-called family
assistance
program:
(a) excludes children, fathers, husbands
and indeed family interests. And does
exclude to a large part the self-determination
and autonomy of the housewife they
supposedly "rescue." It
in fact represents BHNV's interests
almost exclusively to the fullest
extent possible.
(b) Outreach staff never work with
families, neither do they make any
attempt to alter behavior as they
claim. They secretly meet with the
wife and encourage her to pack up
and leave with the children for the
shelter and file a protective order
against the father. This is almost
always the rule even if there was
no abuse within the family. Outreach
staff never assesses issues presented
by the family. The father or any male
member is never consulted in this
case.
Indeed the father is by default the
abuser of the mother.
(c) There is no family strengthening
strategies for the victims as they
claim. By this time the poor housewife
is converted into a victim by BHNV
with no recourse but to depend on
BHNV for her financial stability,
the children are alienated from their
father by a protective order BHNV
helped the housewife achieve.
The father is sued for child and spousal
support with the legal help of BHNV.
Not only does BHNV impoverish a family
by breaking them apart, but legally
and morally commits child abuse by
removing children from their home
and putting them in a shelter. Away
from their school, friends, and other
familiar activities.
I have spoken with several wives at
BHNV who have deeply regretted having
contacted BHNV and acting on BHNV's
advice. They have all been told to
outright lie and fabricate half-truths
to distort. They have all taken out
protective orders against their husbands
in "the heat of the moment"
at BHNV's suggestions and deeply regret
destroying their marriage, family,
husband and their children's future
and "burning their boat"
at any reconciliation much to their
dismay.
I implore and beg your office to investigate
and do something soon to stop this
senseless break up of families and
needless trauma to children. Please
do something. The children of Fairfax
County do not deserve this kind of
cruelty, This is happening right under
our very noses. Please do something
now!
This is NOT
an unusual story, though few women
look
this gift horse in the mouth, read
another here. |