Thank you
for publishing Beth's column about
Parental Alienation. A lot of
people know nothing about
this. When I was 'growing' through
my divorce, I had to explain to
my counselor what Parental Alienation
Syndrome (PAS) was all about.
My child and
I have both suffered from PAS
and I have contemplated long and
hard why some parents do this.
I believe there are three basic
reasons a parent may seek to subvert
the child's relationship with
the other parent: Ignorance, Anger,
and Fear. And fear may be rationalized
to illogical extremes through
ignorance and anger. It's a slippery
slope.
And while
some people may try to discredit
Parental Alienation Syndrome,
saying it is not recognized by
the American
Psychiatric Association, neither
is Road Rage. Just because the
APA doesn't recognize Parental
Alienation as a Syndrome, it doesn't
mean Parental Alienation doesn't
exist.
As many adult
children of divorce can tell you,
Parental Alienation does exist
and it's effects are always harmful.
Don Mathis
The 14%er
Dom Tringale <whitewaterer@yahoo.com>
wrote:
http://www.boston.com/news/globe/living/articles/2006/01/10
/in_divorce_kids_must_be_kept_above_fray/
In divorce, kids must be kept above
fray
January 10, 2006
Dear Beth:
I'm going through a nasty divorce
and my former
spouse has put my kids in the middle.
They are now
saying they are afraid of me. I
have never done
anything to warrant this fear.
The court has done everything, with
the urging of my
former spouse, to interfere with
my time with my kids.
I have been instructed to just let
my kids call.
I love my kids. I'm dying to see
them more often and
don't understand how they could
fear me when I have
done nothing to deserve it. People
tell me to hang in
there because it will get better.
I understand from
other dads, it will be three to
five years. I wish my
former spouse would see the benefit
of having an
involved dad. It is amazing that
not only was she able
to divorce me, but also divorce
me from my kids.
P.H., BOSTON
I'm so sorry this is happening to
you and your
children. ''Parental alienation"
is a psychological
term used to describe the all-too-frequent
practice of
turning children against one parent
during or after a
divorce. This occurs in many ways:
refusing to allow a
parent to speak to the child on
the phone or to visit;
interfering with visitation; criticizing
the other
parent to the kids; or preventing
the other parent
from knowing about and participating
in activities
that are important to the children.
Alienating a child
from a parent can range from subtle
comments to
brainwashing and character defamation.
Any parent, whether mother or father,
who consistently
tries to damage the relationship
between the child and
the other parent is being extremely
destructive. When
this behavior continues, many kids,
particularly
younger ones, believe the messages
of hatred and fear
they are hearing.
Intervene now before it gets worse.
Your children need
you. Start by trying to talk to
your ex. Say calmly,
''I'm concerned that the kids are
becoming afraid of
me. (Describe what you've noticed.)
They weren't
before. I don't say negative things
about you and I
think it's important that you don't
say negative
things to them about me. It's best
for them if they
can love both of us freely and that
I be involved with
them. I know you're angry at me
but please don't take
it out on them."
If this doesn't work, consult a
family therapist who
has experience with divorce. A good
therapist may be
able to get through to your ex-wife
that her behavior
is harmful to your kids.
Legal action is a last resort but
may be necessary.
Family court often uses mediators
and/or child
advocates and can achieve good results,
though it
takes time.
Beth can be reached at askbeth@globe.com.
Send letters to Ask Beth, The Boston
Globe, PO Box
55819, Boston MA 02205-5819. Questions
can be answered
only through this column. Ask Beth
is a registered
trademark of Globe Newspaper Co.
© Copyright 2006 Globe Newspaper
Company.
Dear
Beth,
Thanks
for publishing the article on the
plight of one father but unfortunately
I do not think you have any idea of
the HUGE sexual prejudice against
fathers in the family courts today.
Fathers
are treated like criminals in divorce
court and stripped of most of their
constitutional rights illegally every
day in Massachusetts. Criminals have
protections, fathers in civil probate
court do not.
My
judge has broken the law at least
21 times already and continuously
refuses to hear testimony and evidence.
He
will constantly bend and break the
law for a woman and bend or break
it the other way to hurt a man. I
saw this double standard again just
today in court.
It
has taken me a year of studying the
law to understand how often this happen,
but I figure about every 5-10 minutes
on the bench in my case.
Literally
as soon as a woman says the word "fear"
a restraining order is issued and
dad is thrown out of the house by
the police, denied their children
and
often ordered to pay 90% of more of
their income (50% of take-home pay
for hose + 40% for child support)
placing dad in immediate poverty.
This
is blatantly unconstitutional (denial
of property without a jury trial)
and against the 14th and 11th amendments
of the constitution and enough U.S.
Supreme court law to chock a horse.
Yet
it happens every day without penalty
for judges who are sworn to uphold
the U.S. Constitution above all other
laws (supremacy clause).
In
fact is is even illegal for any state
to make a law that denies anyone their
constitutional rights, but we have
many of these in Massachusetts and
other states.
It
is unbelievable what is done in the
name of "best interests of the
children". The real motivation
for courts is what is easiest
and quickest for judges and what makes
lawyers the most money.
Lawyers
intentionally stir up the fight,
separate the parties so nothing gets
resolved and turn what should
be a simple process into a $100,000
to $500,000 legal battle for personal
their self-interest.
I
swear on my father's grave (God bless
him) that my judge has committed more
violations of the law in the few hours
I have been in front of him than anyone
else I know.
This
is very hard to believe, but completely
true. Judges totally ignore the law
in family courts and do whatever they
want because there is no real oversight
or penalty.
The
judicial oversight committees are
the foxes watching the hen house.
The
result is a system that is horribly
broken and is creating a generation
of fatherless children. Fatherless
is shown to be a major factor for
dozens of problems including runways,
child suicide,
incarceration,
drugs and many other problems.
Eighty-six
percent of Massachusetts voters voted
for Shared Parenting in a non-binding
referendum. The time has come to remove
sexual prejudice from the courts.
It
has been decades since woman could
get the same jobs and earn the same
salaries in most jobs. It is time
to stop kidnapping children from their
fathers and extorting them for
money
so that lawyers can get rich by luring
women into long legal battles.
I
hope you will consider publishing
this letter to acknowledge and inform
people that this problem is not only
widespread, but standard operating
procedure in our broken family courts
today.
Sincerely, Robert
Norton,
Loving, caring father of two beautiful
girls who simply wants equal rights
for all parents
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