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Ask Beth on The Plight of Fathers and Children Denied Each other By Heartless,
Money Drive Family Courts
Thank you for publishing Beth's column about Parental Alienation. A lot of people know nothing about this. When I was 'growing' through my divorce, I had to explain to my counselor what Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) was all about.
My child and I have both suffered from PAS and I have contemplated long and hard why some parents do this. I believe there are three basic reasons a parent may seek to subvert the child's relationship with the other parent: Ignorance, Anger, and Fear. And fear may be rationalized to illogical extremes through ignorance and anger. It's a slippery slope.
And while some people may try to discredit Parental Alienation Syndrome, saying it is not recognized by the American
Psychiatric Association, neither is Road Rage. Just because the APA doesn't recognize Parental Alienation as a Syndrome, it doesn't mean Parental Alienation doesn't exist.
As many adult children of divorce can tell you, Parental Alienation does exist and it's effects are always harmful.
Don Mathis
The 14%er
P.S. Victims of PAS are invited to view a recent copy of the Journal of Parental Alienation. See http://www.helpstoppas.com/index.html or contact admin@helpstoppas.org for more details.

Dom Tringale <whitewaterer@yahoo.com> wrote:

In divorce, kids must be kept above fray
January 10, 2006

Dear Beth:

I'm going through a nasty divorce and my former
spouse has put my kids in the middle. They are now
saying they are afraid of me. I have never done
anything to warrant this fear.

The court has done everything, with the urging of my
former spouse, to interfere with my time with my kids.
I have been instructed to just let my kids call.

I love my kids. I'm dying to see them more often and
don't understand how they could fear me when I have
done nothing to deserve it. People tell me to hang in
there because it will get better. I understand from
other dads, it will be three to five years. I wish my
former spouse would see the benefit of having an
involved dad. It is amazing that not only was she able
to divorce me, but also divorce me from my kids.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you and your
children. ''Parental alienation" is a psychological
term used to describe the all-too-frequent practice of
turning children against one parent during or after a
divorce. This occurs in many ways: refusing to allow a
parent to speak to the child on the phone or to visit;
interfering with visitation; criticizing the other
parent to the kids; or preventing the other parent
from knowing about and participating in activities
that are important to the children. Alienating a child
from a parent can range from subtle comments to
brainwashing and character defamation.

Any parent, whether mother or father, who consistently
tries to damage the relationship between the child and
the other parent is being extremely destructive. When
this behavior continues, many kids, particularly
younger ones, believe the messages of hatred and fear
they are hearing.

Intervene now before it gets worse. Your children need
you. Start by trying to talk to your ex. Say calmly,
''I'm concerned that the kids are becoming afraid of
me. (Describe what you've noticed.) They weren't
before. I don't say negative things about you and I
think it's important that you don't say negative
things to them about me. It's best for them if they
can love both of us freely and that I be involved with
them. I know you're angry at me but please don't take
it out on them."

If this doesn't work, consult a family therapist who
has experience with divorce. A good therapist may be
able to get through to your ex-wife that her behavior
is harmful to your kids.

Legal action is a last resort but may be necessary.
Family court often uses mediators and/or child
advocates and can achieve good results, though it
takes time.

Beth can be reached at askbeth@globe.com.

Send letters to Ask Beth, The Boston Globe, PO Box
55819, Boston MA 02205-5819. Questions can be answered
only through this column. Ask Beth is a registered
trademark of Globe Newspaper Co.

Copyright 2006 Globe Newspaper Company.


Dear Beth,

Thanks for publishing the article on the plight of one father but unfortunately I do not think you have any idea of the HUGE sexual prejudice against fathers in the family courts today.
Fathers are treated like criminals in divorce court and stripped of most of their constitutional rights illegally every day in Massachusetts. Criminals have protections, fathers in civil probate court do not.
My judge has broken the law at least 21 times already and continuously refuses to hear testimony and evidence.
He will constantly bend and break the law for a woman and bend or break it the other way to hurt a man. I saw this double standard again just today in court.
It has taken me a year of studying the law to understand how often this happen, but I figure about every 5-10 minutes on the bench in my case.
Literally as soon as a woman says the word "fear" a restraining order is issued and dad is thrown out of the house by the police, denied their children
and often ordered to pay 90% of more of their income (50% of take-home pay for hose + 40% for child support) placing dad in immediate poverty.
This is blatantly unconstitutional (denial of property without a jury trial) and against the 14th and 11th amendments of the constitution and enough U.S. Supreme court law to chock a horse.
Yet it happens every day without penalty for judges who are sworn to uphold the U.S. Constitution above all other laws (supremacy clause).
In fact is is even illegal for any state to make a law that denies anyone their constitutional rights, but we have many of these in Massachusetts and other states.
It is unbelievable what is done in the name of "best interests of the children". The real motivation for courts is what is easiest and quickest for judges and what makes lawyers the most money.
Lawyers intentionally stir up the fight, separate the parties so nothing gets resolved and turn what should be a simple process into a $100,000 to $500,000 legal battle for personal their self-interest.
I swear on my father's grave (God bless him) that my judge has committed more violations of the law in the few hours I have been in front of him than anyone else I know.
This is very hard to believe, but completely true. Judges totally ignore the law in family courts and do whatever they want because there is no real oversight or penalty.
The judicial oversight committees are the foxes watching the hen house.
The result is a system that is horribly broken and is creating a generation of fatherless children. Fatherless is shown to be a major factor for dozens of problems including runways, child suicide,
incarceration, drugs and many other problems.
Eighty-six percent of Massachusetts voters voted for Shared Parenting in a non-binding referendum. The time has come to remove sexual prejudice from the courts.
It has been decades since woman could get the same jobs and earn the same salaries in most jobs. It is time to stop kidnapping children from their fathers and extorting them for
money so that lawyers can get rich by luring women into long legal battles.
I hope you will consider publishing this letter to acknowledge and inform people that this problem is not only widespread, but standard operating procedure in our broken family courts today.
Sincerely, Robert Norton, Loving, caring father of two beautiful girls who simply wants equal rights for all parents