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PBS's
Review, More Media Coverage
of Campaign |
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December
14, 2005 |
|
Some
of you have contacted me concerning
donations to our PBS campaign.
It is certainly true that
this campaign has been costly
both in terms of money and
time. If you'd like to donate
to support our efforts, click
here. Thanks to those
of you who have already donated.
To
learn more about our campaign,
click
here. To learn more about
the way Breaking the Silence
portrays a known child abuser
as a heroic mom, click
here. |
|
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An Announcement Regarding
PBS's Review
As many of you know, the review
of Breaking the Silence:
Children's Stories which
was supposed to be finished
by December 8 has not been
completed. As I explained
last month, when Jan McNamara,
PBS's Director of Corporate
Communications, informed me
of this review, I offered
her the input of fathers'
advocates. I explained that
I couldn't see how the review
could be complete without
it.
|
McNamara didn't seem too interested
at the time but to their credit
she and PBS's leadership later
changed their minds. The completion
of the review has been delayed
because of this. The input
from our side was recently
submitted, and we will keep
you informed of what happens.
Thanks to
Fathers and Families for
their time and efforts to
put the review together.
Public Broadcasting Newspaper
Does Front Page Story on Our
PBS Campaign
The
Public Broadcasting Newspaper
Current did a front
page story on our PBS campaign
last week--see "Fathers'
Rights Groups Call Abuse Film
Unfair" (12/5/05).
Current Senior Editor
Karen Everhart, the piece's
author, didn't do a bad job,
though her piece gave considerably
more space to the film's producers
and supporters than to those
protesting it. However, there
were a few problems.
For
example, regarding our campaign's
allegation that
PBS portrayed a known child
abuser as a hero, Everhart
wrote:
"Sacks
also published court documents
from the Loeliger case that
report instances of alleged
abuse by Sadiya Alilire [Sadia
Loeliger]. In the film, Fatima
alludes to some of these documented
injuries as minor."
These
weren't allegations--they
were
court findings. Not only
that, but they were by the
clear and convincing evidence
standard of the Juvenile Courts,
as opposed to the preponderance
of the evidence standard used
in family court.
Also,
regardless of what Sadia has
convinced Fatima to say as
part of her alienation campaign,
the injuries and abuse of
which Sadia Loeliger was found
culpable were anything but
"minor." To learn
more, click
here.
Everhart quotes Larry
Rifkin, executive producer
for Connecticut Public TV,
as saying that the film's
subject is "a very small
universe of cases. It is very,
very small in terms of batterers
getting custody of children."
This
is a far cry from the film's
statement "All over America,
battered mothers are losing
custody of their children."
It would have been nice if
the reporter had noticed.
Everhart also quotes the film's
co-producer Dominique Lasseur
as saying that after making
a 2001 film on domestic violence
"we felt there was great
denial among mothers about
the effect on the kids."
According to Everhart, Lasseur
& Co. wanted to allow
children to speak for themselves--"We
set out to tell the individual
stories of kids who have been
victimized by the system."
This
is one of the film's biggest
scams--that what we're hearing
is "the voice of children."
No, we're hearing the voice
of only one segment of children--those
in what the film's producers
now admit is a "very,
very small" cohort of
children in the custody of
abusive fathers. Even this
is overly charitable, since
at least one of the handful
of cases highlighted--the
Loeliger case--does not belong
to this cohort.
To
write a Letter to the Editor
to Current about the
article, click
here. |
Introducing Leving's Divorce
Magazine
Family law attorney Jeff Leving
has just introduced
Leving's Divorce Magazine
to provide challenging and
compelling content for the
modern divorced man.
BE THE FIRST TO KNOW
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CBS Discusses Campaign, Ombudsman's
Report
CBS's
Vaughn Ververs
discussed the protest
campaign against PBS's
Breaking the Silence: Children's
Stories and PBS ombudsman
Michael Getler's reaction
to it in a December 5 piece.
Ververs notes that the newly-appointed
Getler started his job early
because of the crisis created
by the protests. Ververs cited
Getler's view that the film
is "flawed" and
"come[s] across as a
one-sided, advocacy program."
Both
Getler and the Corporation
for Public Broadcasting's
ombudsman Ken A. Bode had
been critical of Breaking
the Silence. To learn
more, click
here and
here.
Fox News Covers PBS Campaign
Again
Fox
News columnist Wendy McElroy
has written yet another column
on our PBS campaign and Breaking
the Silence--see
PBS Continues Probe into Biased
Film
(FOX News, 12/6/05).
In it she speculates that
PBS's political partisanship
could jeopardize its tax-exempt
status. She notes:
"Feminist
and domestic violence groups
organized state-by-state campaigns
around the airing of Breaking
the Silence with the goal
of changing legal policy.
"Liberal
feminist Trish Wilson offers
an account of the events in
Massachusetts and in
Michigan.
"If
PBS participated in any of
the campaigns, then it is
guilty of political partisanship.
"Consider
the Alaska event organized
by Paige Hodson of
Custody Preparation for Moms.
Hodson
announced, 'We have not
yet chosen our date, but since
we got the PBS affiliate's
[KAKM] go-ahead today, we
can now pick any date we want
and start planning. The local
PBS station has said they
will help us advertise and
promote our event because
we will then in turn promote
viewing of their screening
date on 10/20.'
"The
depth of PBS' [or its affiliates']
involvement in partisan politics
may be difficult to judge.
An
internal PBS memo recently
leaked and circulated on the
Internet instructs PBS affiliates
on how to stonewall those
who call or email in protest.
PBS' final review of the documentary
is still pending, but the
memo is hardly a propitious
sign.
"I
believe PBS should lose all
tax privileges and funding,
but you need not be a radical
to want a straight answer
to a simple question from
a publicly accountable agency.
"Did
PBS participate in a partisan
push to change the law?" |
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Public Broadcasting Report
Covers PBS Protest Campaign
Public
Broadcasting Report, a
biweekly newsletter covering
public broadcasting and allied
fields, covered our PBS campaign
in its December 9 issue. They
wrote:
"PBS
said its programming dept.
would reach 'independent conclusions'
as early as next week on the
controversial documentary
Breaking the Silence: Children's
Stories. The program got
negative reviews from its
in-house ombudsman and the
CPB watchdog...
"Breaking
the Silence, which looked
at the impact of domestic
violence on children and the
failure of family courts to
protect them, is a 'flawed
presentation by PBS,' Michael
Getler said in his first review
as PBS ombudsman. Activist
groups had attacked the program
mainly for its conclusion
that 75% of fathers seeking
sole child custody have abused
their wives or children (PBR
Oct 28 p6). They said the
program makes claims about
child abuse and custody that
are refuted by govt. reports.
Getler said there's no recognition
by the program's producers
of opposing views. 'There
was a complete absence of
some of the fundamental journalistic
conventions that... make a
story more powerful and convincing.'
"CPB Ombudsman Ken Bode
concluded 'there is no hint
of balance' in Breaking
the Silence. The father's
point of view is ignored,
as are new strategies for
reducing the damage to children
in custody battles, he said.
'There is no mention of the
collaborative law movement
in which parents and lawyers
come to terms without involving
the court, nor of the new
joint custody living arrangements.'
The producers, he said, don't
seem to believe that 'an argument
can be made more convincing
by giving the other side a
fair presentation.' The program
is so slanted it raises suspicions
that either the family courts
of America have gone crazy
or there must be another side
to the story, Bode said.
"PBS started a review
of the program days after
it aired and well 'before
any inkling' that the ombudsmen
were going to evaluate it,
said VP Lea Sloan. Until the
review is done, which is expected
soon, 'we are respectfully
observant' of the ombudsmen's
opinions, she said: 'PBS programming
will work independently to
reach conclusions about the
next step.'" |
The Dakapa Handbook
Tom Whelan's
The Dakapa Handbook
is the story of how a father's
love for his children enables
him to create an adventure
that will forever bond them
together. Order the book
here.
Legal Help for Fathers in
New Jersey
If you're a New Jersey father
facing a divorce or separation,
the law firm of
Pitman, Pitman, Mindas, Grossman
& Lee can help.
|
Finally a Christian Author
Takes a Stand for Men
I
have frequently complained
on the radio and in print
about the failure of Christians
and "family values"
conservatives to stand up
for boys, men, and fathers
and to meaningfully address
the issues modern males face.
Christians and Christian conservatives
are fond of wasting time on
marginal issues like gay marriage
while ignoring many of the
real dangers threatening our
families. At the same time
they often couch their arguments
in politically correct "woman
good/man bad" rhetoric.
The
man-bashing Christian men's
group Promise Keepers is a
good example of the problem--the
group's ideology is based
on the notion that almost
all problems are created by
men.
A
Christian advice show on one
of the stations owned by my
former network here in Los
Angeles is another good example--whatever
the problem or situation,
the two Christian male hosts
always fall all over each
other to assure the woman
caller and the audience that
the guy is wrong. The evil
Christian patriarchs of the
feminists' imaginations sound
more like Women's Studies
professors--in fact, they're
often worse.
Some
of you may recall that I complained
about conservatives' failure
on these issues on the air
earlier this year to conservative
writer
Phyllis Schlafly, who
is one of the very few major
conservatives to meaningfully
confront many of the problems
fathers face in family court.
My interview with Schlafly
can be found
here.
There's another Christian
writer who addresses these
issues--Paul
Coughlin, author of
No More Christian Nice Guy:
When Being Nice--Instead of
Good--Hurts Men, Women, and
Children. One of
Coughlin's targets is what
he calls a "cultural
prejudice that shames men
for being men." For those
of us accustomed to
seeing Christian men blame
men first, it's nice to see
this "Christian nice
guy" cut loose on this
subject. Paul writes:
"Men
receive a false, demeaning
presentation of masculinity
from our culture...countless
boys have grown up--or are
growing up--not knowing what
it means to be a man and,
worse, ashamed of the limited
understanding they posses."
The
forward is written by nationally
syndicated talk show host
Dr. Laura Schlessinger, who
writes:
"The
unisex, anti-male mentality
that has infiltrated all our
institutions, even our religious
ones, has not brought co-operation,
love, and serenity to our
homes and lives. In order
for our children to become
happy, functioning, loving,
contributing members of this
world, they need the support
and structure that an intact,
happy home can bring. I see
No More Christian Nice Guy
as a step in that direction."
It
is no coincidence that both
Dr. Laura and Paul Coughlin
supported our
Campaign Against 'Boys are
Stupid' Products and discuss
it in their books.
Another interesting part of
Coughlin's book are the sections
in which he discusses how
Jesus might view the modern
Christian "Nice Guy."
What he says makes sense,
though I'm not very knowledgeable
about Jesus' teachings. |
Legal Help for Dads
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The Rantings of a Single Male:
Losing Patience with Feminism,
Political Correctness... and
Basically Everything
describes the rise of feminism
from the mid '70s to the present,
through Ellis' personal experiences
and is loaded with outrageous
stories. |
It's Always Men's Fault, Part
MMMDCLXVI
From
Men Warm the Planet, Women
Feel the Heat (CNSNews.com,
12/6/05):
"The
debate over climate change
evolved into a battle of the
sexes
Monday at the 11th annual
United Nations Climate Change
Conference in
Montreal. The spokesman for
a feminist-based environmental
group accused
men of being the biggest contributors
to human-caused 'global warming'
and
lamented that women are bearing
the brunt of the negative
climate
consequences created by men.
"'Women and men are differently
affected by climate change
and they
contribute differently to
climate change,' said Ulrike
Rohr, director of
the German-based group called
'Genanet-Focal point gender,
Environment,
Sustainability.'
"Rohr, who is demanding
'climate gender justice,'
left no doubt as to which
gender she believes was the
chief culprit in emitting
greenhouse gasses.
"'To give you an example
from Germany, it is mostly
men who are going by
car. Women are going by public
transport mostly,' Rohr told
Cybercast News
Service...
"'In most parts of the
world, women are contributing
less [to greenhouse
gasses],' Rohr continued.
But it is the women of the
world who will feel
the most heat from catastrophic
global warming, she said.
"'At least in the developing
countries, it is women who
are more affected
because they are more vulnerable,
so they don't have access
to money to go
outside the country or go
somewhere else to earn money
and they have to
care for their families,'
she said."
I
very much doubt that male
consumers are creating more
greenhouse gases than women
are, nor do I believe that
women will be more affected
than men. But this "blame
environmental problems on
men" mentality is standard
fare on the left, as I discussed
in my column
Michael Moore, You Used to
Be My Hero (Fredericksburg
Free Lance-Star, 2/8/04,
Cybercast News Service,
2/17/04). I wrote:
"In your chapter 'The
End of Men' from Stupid
White Men you cite declining
male birthrates as evidence
that 'Nature is trying to
kill us off' and that men
have done 'plenty' to 'deserve
this.' Men have 'made a mess
of our world. Women? They
deserve none of the blame.
They continued to bring life
into this world; we continued
to destroy it whenever we
could...how many women have
spilled oil into oceans, dumped
toxins in our food supply,
or insisted that the new SUV
designs had to be bigger,
bigger, bigger?...[Men] are
working overtime to wipe out
this beautiful, wonderful
home we were given free of
charge...no wonder Nature
is getting rid of us.'
"On Politically Incorrect
with Bill Maher you asked
'how many women have created
factories that have polluted
this environment?...most of
the crap in this world came
from a guy' and said '[It's
not] female fishermen doing
all that extra fishing, ruining
the oceans. It's the men ruining
the oceans. Name a woman who's
ruined the oceans.'
"The central flaw in
all of these statements is
so obvious I wouldn't bother
pointing it out except that
it seems nobody else has.
Yes, Michael, few women have
created factories which have
polluted the environment,
just as few women have created
factories which have produced
the staples of modern civilization.
You vilify men for large SUV
designs without giving them
credit for the miracle of
modern transportation. You
blame men for 'spilled oil
into oceans' without giving
them credit for the millions
of metric tons of oil which
are transported by sea each
year, almost all of it without
incident."
The
entire article can be read
here.
MensNewsDaily--'Best Group
Blog'?
There
is a contest to determine
what is the best group blog,
and
www.MensNewsDaily.com
is in the running. MensNewsDaily.com
does an excellent job in promoting
our causes and content. To
support MND and vote, click
here. MND's blog can be
found here. |
Female-to-English Dictionary
Dr. Shoveen goes behind the
words that women use to reveal
their hidden meanings and
thought processes.
A 100% True Home-Based Business
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December issue of Success
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A Brief Reflection on Pearl
Harbor Day
The
64th anniversary of Pearl
Harbor was last week. While
historians can make any historical
event seem inevitable even
when it clearly wasn't, one
still has to wonder what Japan's
leaders were thinking. My
teenage son and I sometimes
play a war game called "Axis
and Allies Pacific."
Because I like to give him
a built-in advantage, he takes
the U.S. and I take Japan.
The game starts right after
Pearl Harbor.
My
tasks with Japan are almost
impossible. I'm hopelessly
behind in productive capacity,
so I have to overrun a good
part of Asia and the Southern
Pacific in order to build
up my resources base. This
still leaves me way behind
the U.S. in production, and
leaves most of my Navy and
soldiers a thousand miles
away as my son advances on
me with the U.S.
My
troops are always under-armed
and stuck on islands whose
sea lanes are cut off. If
I engage my son he just wears
me down in a war of attrition,
knowing I can't match his
economic power. If I don't
engage, he strangles Japan.
On top of that, I have to
fight the damn British, who
have bases in Australia and
India and a not insignificant
Navy. I launch Kamikaze attacks
but it's way too little, too
late.
From
a strategic perspective, I
wouldn't have wanted to have
been Admiral Tojo...
An Amazing Achievement
My
parents celebrated their 43rd
wedding anniversary this week.
My father joked "it shows
what the human mind is capable
enduring." Growing up
I never realized how lucky
I was to have two parents
who loved each other and stuck
out the rough times together.
|
New Column: AB 400 Will Help
Wisconsin's Children of Divorce
My
latest co-authored column,
AB 400 Will Help Wisconsin's
Children of Divorce (Wisconsin
State Journal, 12/3/05),
concerns a new bill which
will protect children of divorce's
relationship with both of
their parents by limiting
post divorce move-aways. I
co-authored the piece with
family law attorney Jeff Leving.
To
write a Letter to the Editor
of the Wisconsin State
Journal, Wisconsin's second
largest newspaper, concerning
AB 400 Will Assure All Parents'
Rights, write to
lwsjopine@madison.com.
As
I noted in the column, the
bill recently passed the Assembly
and now resides in a Senate
committee.
Wisconsin Fathers for Children
and Families is working
to get the bill passed--to
help support their efforts,
click
here. The text of the
bill can be seen
here.
As
you know, move-away legislation
has been one of the focuses
of my work over the past three
years. In California, the
California Supreme Court ruled
in favor of the non-relocating
parent in the LaMusga
case in April of 2004. In
that case, Gary LaMusga fought
an eight year battle to prevent
his children from being moved
from California to Ohio by
a vindictive ex-wife. To learn
more about that case, see
my co-authored column
Is a Pool More Important than
a Dad? (San Francisco
Chronicle, 5/4/04) and
California NOW Takes Stand
Against Working Mothers
(Sarasota Herald-Tribune,
2/23/04). Also, see
my
radio commentary on the
case in which I critiqued
feminist arguments in favor
of the move-away mom.
As
many of you know, in the summer
of 2004
I helped lead a campaign
to stop SB 730, a bill which
would have destroyed the
LaMusga decision. On August
16, 2004 syndicated columnist
Dan Walters--viewed by many
as the ultimate Sacramento
insider--wrote a column saying
that we had no chance of succeeding.
A few minutes after reading
that column I received word
that the leader of the California
Senate had pulled the bill
and we had won. It was one
of the greatest upset victories
in the history of the movement
for shared parenting.
Lobbyist
Michael Robinson of the
California Alliance for Families
and Children was also
a key part of that effort,
as were many
family law professionals
committed to the proposition
that children need both of
their parents. To learn more,
see
California Senate Leader Pulls
Anti-Child Bill in Face of
Huge Opposition.
To
hear me discuss the move-away
issue and LaMusga on
PBS's Los Angeles affiliate,
click
here. Feminist law professor
Carol Bruch, with whom I clashed
on the show, authored the
mothers' brief in LaMusga.
To hear Gloria Allred, Garrett
Dailey (LaMusga's attorney),
and I discuss the move-way
issue on
His Side with Glenn Sacks,
click
here. |
DadsDivorce.com informs
fathers about their rights
during divorce litigation
while providing them with
concrete, practical resources
to get results in the courtroom.
DadsDivorce.com is a popular
meeting place for fathers
facing divorce.
Comeback Dads
The new book Comeback
Dads shows how family
courts rob children of their
dads and proposes a revised
Shared Parenting Bill.
ComeBackDads.com |
Woman Appointed as Editor
of The Male Voice
The
National Coalition of Free
Men of Greater New York
has appointed Jen Kuhn to
be the editor of its publication
The Male Voice. As
Jen explained in her introductory
letter a few days ago, it
is a little strange for a
woman to be the editor of
The um, Male Voice.
My view is that this is a
great choice. I met and got
to know Jen and her husband
Dave at the
Men's Equality Congress
over the summer, and I believe
that she is an intelligent,
likable, and committed activist
who will do an excellent job
in her new post.
One unfortunate reality of
our movement is that an extreme
fringe has subjected some
of the women in leadership
positions to incessant stupid
criticism for being, well,
women. I enumerated my opposition
to this sort of thing at length
in my column
Confronting Woman-Bashing
In the Men's Movement
(iFeminists.com, 4/2/02)
and to a lesser extent in
my co-authored column
Why Are There so Many Women
in the Fathers' Movement?
(Minneapolis Star-Tribune,
6/21/02). Let's hope that's
not the case with Jen.
To receive The Male Voice
E-Newsletters, write to
themalevoice@yahoo.com.
Jen can be reached at
dogcrazyjen@yahoo.com.
Hope for the Holidays: Spontaneous
Reunification
The
Christmas season is a special
time for kids and families.
But it can also be an exceptionally
difficult time for divorced
or separated dads who have
been driven out of the lives
of the children who love them
and need them. Cases of Parental
Alienation Syndrome--wherein
children's minds are poisoned
by one parent against the
other--are even more painful.
I detailed several wrenching
PAS cases in my recent co-authored
column
PBS Declares War on Dads
(Los Angeles Daily Journal,
San Francisco Daily Journal,
11/1/05).
Last
Christmas season we did a
His Side with Glenn Sacks
show on
Spontaneous Reunification--the
documented phenomenon in which
a child attempts to reconnect
with a rejected parent on
his or her own initiative
without intervention from
the courts or by a mental
health professional. The phenomenon
has been detailed by psychologist
Douglas C. Darnall, Ph.D.,
author of
Divorce Casualties: Protecting
Your Children from Parental
Alienation, and Barbara
F. Steinberg, Ph.D. To listen
to the show, click
here.
Allen Green, author of
the powerful new novel
Blind Baseball: A Father's
War, also joined us
and gave some advice that
I thought was particularly
important. He urged the target
parents of parental alienation
campaigns to "play for
the long haul." In other
words, do what you can to
stay in your children's lives,
but don't destroy yourself
and don't give up hope, because
alienated children often come
back to their fathers as young
adults. Green noted that fathers
can still have important relationships
with their adult children,
as well as enjoy their grandchildren.
Given
the pain of PAS, Green's advice
is obviously not easy to follow,
but I believe it is correct.
My relationship with my father
as an adult has been enormously
important to me. Had I never
met the man before age 18
and he then appeared in my
life, I still would have benefited
enormously. I believe that
the target parents of PAS--and
their alienated children--can
still enjoy the many benefits
of these relationships, despite
what was done to them during
the children's childhoods.
Again,
to listen to the show, click
here. |
Help, Support for Noncustodial
Parents
MyKidsToo.com is a website
designed to provide safe,
peer-to-peer support to non-custodial
parents and parents finding
themselves in a divorce situation.
Concerned about Financial
Issues in Your Divorce?
If you're concerned about
financial issues in your divorce,
contact
Jim DiGabriele of DiGabriele,
McNulty & Co by email
here or at 973-243-2600.
Militant Grandmas Fight for
Shared Parenting
Three Sides to Every Story
is an organization set up
by militant grandma
Bessie Hudgins to help
fathers stay in their children's
lives after divorce. |
Violence Against Women Culturally
Acceptable?
While
researching my column
Domestic Violence Treatment
Policies Put Abused Women
in Harm's Way (Daily
Breeze [Los Angeles],
11/7/05), I came across
an interesting assertion in
a Texas domestic violence
pamphlet. The pamphlet asserted
that in America today domestic
violence is culturally acceptable.
I wondered what planet they
were referring to.
While
many feminists are at least
reasonable enough to admit
that there is a strong taboo
against domestic violence
today, they still often promote
the idea that in the past
it was acceptable. This was
debunked effectively by Christian
Hoff Sommers in Chapter 9
of her book
Who Stole Feminism?: How Women
Have Betrayed Women.
Sommers
noted that laws against wife-beating
predate the American Revolution,
one going back to 1655. Sommers
explains that many of the
dominant religious groups
of the colonial era "punished,
shunned and excommunicated
wife-beaters." She notes:
"Husbands,
brothers and neighbors often
took vengeance against the
batterer. Vigilante parties
sometimes abducted wife-beaters
and whipped them."
Feminist
historian Elizabeth Peck points
out that punishments for wife-beaters
were often quite severe--19th
century laws in Maryland and
Delaware prescribed 40 and
30 lashes at the whipping
post respectively for batterers.
In New Mexico, wife-beaters
were sentenced to between
one and five years in prison.
Recently
I was reading a baseball book
which discussed players throughout
the history of the game and
I came upon an interesting
passage concerning domestic
violence in the year 1902.
In 1901 Mike Donlin, an outfielder
with the Baltimore Orioles,
hit .340 and scored 107 runs--both
exceptional figures. In 1902
Donlin, a heavy and violent
drinker, assaulted a woman
with whom he had been involved
in a love triangle. Donlin
plea bargained, said he was
drunk and didn't know what
he was doing, and received
six months in jail.
If
ever there were a situation
where violence against women
would be tolerated, this would
have been it. Baseball in
the 1890s was an exceptionally
violent game, and on and off
field fights were common.
In this era Hall of Fame outfielder
Ty Cobb reputedly sharpened
his spikes before games and
slid into every base spikes
high. Donlin's manager had
been John McGraw, a highly
successful manager who encouraged
dirty play. Donlin was young,
in only his third year of
major league ball, and very
valuable. He had served his
time in jail, gone to alcohol
treatment, and apologized
for his actions.
The
reaction? American League
president Ban Johnson booted
Donlin out of the league,
and newspaper articles in
several major league cities
called for Donlin to be banned
from baseball. Violence against
women wasn't "culturally
acceptable."
It
is true that today there are
players who have been charged
with domestic violence and
who still play. This is because:
a)
many of the incidents are
murky, "he said/she said
affairs" without criminal
convictions. The Scott Erickson
case is a good example--see
my column
Baseball Player's Domestic
Violence Arrest Demonstrates
How Men are Presumed Guilty
in Domestic Disputes (Los
Angeles Daily Journal, San
Francisco Daily Journal,
8/8/02).
b)
whatever the player has done,
it is difficult legally to
deny someone their right to
make a living.
c)
the players have a strong
union and good lawyers who
will work to make sure that
off-the-field-transgressions
don't prevent players from
making a living.
One
more note about baseball and
domestic violence. When I
was a kid I read a book which
discussed the
famous Marichal/Roseboro fight
in 1965. After a series
of brawls between the Dodgers
and the Giants, Giants pitcher
Juan Marichal (then batting)
thought that Dodger catcher
John Roseboro had intentionally
nicked his ear while throwing
a ball back to the pitcher,
and hit Roseboro with the
bat. I still remember that
after the bloody fight Roseboro
told the newspapers the worst
thing he could think of to
say--"a guy like that
would hit a woman." |
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McElroy, Sacks in College
Textbook
My
column
Confronting Woman-Bashing
In the Men's Movement
(iFeminists.com, 4/2/02)
was recently reprinted in
Thomson Gale's Opposing
Viewpoints college textbook.
Oddly, my column is placed
in opposition to a column
by columnist
Wendy McElroy condemning
man-bashing. In reality, I
doubt there is anything in
either column that either
one of us would disagree with.
My
work has been reprinted in
several other books, including
my column
The Teachers' 'Code of Silence'
(Los Angeles Daily News,
12/2/01) in
Larry Elder's best-selling
Showdown: Confronting Bias,
Lies, and the Special Interests
That Divide America and
my column
Stay-at-Home Dads: A Practical
Solution to the Career Woman's
Dilemma (Newsday,
5/22/02) in the Prentice
Hall college writing textbook
The Blair Reader. |
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offers individual, couple,
family and group counseling
with a focus on men's issues.
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or go to
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|
Therapist Discusses Parental
Alienation Syndrome in Advice
Column
Therapist
Shari Schreiber, M.A., has
an interesting discussion
of Parental Alienation in
an
advice column she writes on
her website. Schreiber
has endorsed many of our
campaigns over the past
few years. To learn more about
Shari and read her other columns,
click
here. The column is below.
"Q.
Shari,
I was 'blackmailed into fatherhood'
years ago by a woman I never
married. My 11 year old son
lives out of town with his
mother, but I visit him often,
am very involved in his life,
and we have a close and loving
relationship. During a recent
visit with him, we touched
on some things that he absolutely
didn't want to talk about
(custody matters, his mom
& I with regard to money
issues, etc.). At one point
he said, 'you were able to
build a house for yourself.'
This really pissed me off,
and I commented that his (now
married) mom was 'able
to
not have to work'
(due to my financial contributions).
I don't think I should have
let my emotions get the better
of me--but I feel like I need
to put my feelings out there,
as opposed to swallowing 'em
and making myself sick (or
heavier!). My question is,
should I try and talk about
this type of thing with him
or should I drop it? When
I left him at school that
day, he just turned and walked
away from me. He's never done
this, but he's growing up
a bit. Is it appropriate to
attempt to talk about this
stuff with him when he won't
acknowledge anything, and
even gets upset at my
broaching the subject?
I realize that this is not
a simple yes or no question,
but if I completely drop it,
is that a better or worse
course to take, as opposed
to forcing him to listen to
me try and address this issue?
"A.
I'm aware of how 'lit up'
this kind of thing can make
you feel
(outraged, invalidated, frustrated,
defensive, etc.) and
all
your emotions are completely
appropriate! Navigating this
terrain with someone so young
depends on whether
he
broaches the topic or not.
I think adult discussions
should
stay
between adults--otherwise,
a child gets caught in the
middle and becomes the instrument
of torture used by the
parents. Women seem especially
adept at using their children
as weaponry toward their ex-spouses
or lovers (particularly if
there are
borderline
characteristics present).
PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome)
is very
common among enmeshed/overly
attached mothers, or emotionally
uneven women who are punishing/vindictive.
If your son
initiated
this dialogue, you can respond
in a number of ways that address
his specific
concerns; but remember
that (for now) he lives with
his mother, and he's not
only torn emotionally
(between the two of you),
but is
constantly exposed to
her biases and vengeance.
Think of this as brainwashing.
He'll likely be able to accommodate
a more balanced view of these
issues as he matures--but
at present, put the
conversation
aside, but not the
feelings.
It's perfectly acceptable
to let your son know how uncomfortable/hurtful
it is for you
when his comments seem generated
by his mother,
"and only reflect half
the picture."
Convey your hope that "one
day" he might feel
curious, and be open to learning
more about this situation.
Leave it at that." |
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|
ACFC Billboard Campaign Makes
Important Point
The
American Coalition for Fathers
and Children has joined
with a group of Champaign-Urbana,
Illinois parents to draw attention
to issues involving the local
family court through a billboard
campaign. The billboard features
a small child crying and asking
"4 days a month with
our dad?"
The
ACFC and other concerned parents
are challenging the head of
the local family courts to
examine and reform the courts'
practices. The ACFC stands
for shared parenting, where
both parents can play a meaningful
role in their children's lives
after divorce.
View
the billboard
here. To learn more about
the campaign, click
here.
Best Wishes,
Glenn Sacks
GlennSacks.com
HisSide.com
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