Getting Proper Visitation

I am struggling with the same kind of issue for summer vacation time but no DSS in the middle thankfully. I was in court with a motion for 2 weeks of summer vacation on 7/7 and the ex's attorney got it continued to July 28th, (they stall everything because I am paying $5,000/month for her to live in the house I brought into the marriage and is protected by a prenup that the judge has refused to even read yet) so I am now missing one of the requested weeks (this week).

My orders says: "The Husband shall have reasonable rights of visitation upon reasonable notice to the Wife, to include ... " but no specific stipulation on vacation. Even though we requested a vacation schedule this was ignored by the judge in his order. Another order also says: "The parties shall equally share holiday and birthdays of children."

I noticed her attorney on the requested dates (for this week and week of 8/15) on June 28th.

Yesterday I notice wife that I wanted next week instead (since I missed this week) and the same week in August. Seems awfully ambiguous to me (that word "reasonable" that is put in I think to make lawyers lots of extra money) but unless 2 out of 8 weeks summer vacation with their father is "unreasonable" it would seem I would be able to take the kids. Of course "holiday" is used for "vacation" in Europe but not so clearly here. Her lawyer is on vacation and not back till Monday and I have the kids under the normal visitation schedule this weekend till Sunday at 4pm. She wrote back saying effectively no: "Please return our children to me following your weekend July 24, 2005 at 4pm". Not an outright denial but a request? :)

QUESTION: What can I do without getting chased by the cops? Do I keep the kids for next week or will the police be chasing me because of a mother flipping out and the gray area? Do I go to the police station today and ask what they would do and what I should do to see if they will look the other way due to the order? I am now pro se.

Help PLEASE from anyone who has dealt with this "reasonable" visitation stuff?

Bob

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For all to know:

I went to the Milford police station this am to see what they would say about keeping the kids for properly noticed vacation time that the wife refuses to assent to. They basically said if there is a probate court order that is anywhere near ambiguous they would come check it out, look at any paperwork and then likely tell the complaining person to file a contempt (i.e. not their problem). The officer on duty said they could spend their entire day working through these with 47 police officers on the force in Milford. He had already dealt with 2 others today when I arrived before 11am.

Note that this does NOT mean you should push the envelope, as I certainly agree with James: if you have a penis you are a liar and wrong, if you have a vagina and breasts you must be telling the truth and have the best interests of the children in mind. God knows we have never met a woman who is vindictive and just doing anything they can to hurt you and to extort as much money as possible so she does not have to not have to work for a living when the kids are in school. Frankly I think woman are very stupid about this and are making all the lawyers rich, but the bribe offered is too compelling to ignore for just scruples and your children's sake when blinded by emotion and so many free shots at your ex.

My ex-lawyer called this am, just back from weeks in China with his children (she pays him child support) says that it would be stupid to keep the children because, right or wrong, it would just set the judge further against you - Can't argue with that. Just give up all your rights quietly and you will be treated "fairly" while they suck your financial blood, drive you into bankruptcy, you loose your house and everything else!

Sounds like a great strategy. These people should be put in prison. Lawyer also says driving people into bankruptcy happens all the time and the judges don't really care. Well that is certainly "in the best interests of the children" - ruin the family financially for the benefit of higher legal fees.

I continue to be disgusted every day.

Bob

RESPONSES TO THIS FROM BATTLE HARDENED FATHERS:

Bob-

Be careful. Is this really a battle you want to fight now?

My advice would be to ask politely for the dates you want, document it (send it by email) and let your wife say, no, no, no. No judge gives a damn about your feelings. If you decide this is a battle you want to fight, tell the Court how it hurt the kids.

This is designed to wear you down and take your focus off the big picture. Her lawyer is telling her to be difficult on even the most trivial issues to provoke you to respond and prove what a "monster, drunk, control freak, abuser, manipulator, etc".... you are. Be the pragmatic one, let your Wife be the petty one who is causing the friction in this divorce. There are so many ways this can go bad for you, and almost nothing bad will come of it for our Wife.

My Wife tried to pull this on me with our kids. When you keep telling the kids you want them for vacation, to live with you, never bad mouth Wife in front of them, and Wife is always unreasonable, the kids will eventually figure out the pure evil of your wife's actions, even if they don't realize it until they are adults.

The Court has the power to give you zero vacation, visitation, or contact. If you push too hard now, that may be what your Wife will ask for and the Court will grant her.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Mike

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