am struggling with the same kind
of issue for summer vacation time
but no DSS in the middle thankfully.
I was in court with a motion for
2 weeks of summer vacation on 7/7
and the ex's attorney got it continued
to July 28th, (they stall everything
because I am paying $5,000/month
for her to live in the house I brought
into the marriage and is protected
by a prenup that the judge has refused
to even read yet) so I am now
missing one of the requested weeks
orders says: "The Husband shall
have reasonable rights of visitation
upon reasonable notice to the Wife,
to include ... " but no specific
stipulation on vacation. Even though
we requested a vacation schedule
this was ignored by the judge
in his order. Another order
also says: "The parties shall
equally share holiday and birthdays
noticed her attorney on the requested
dates (for this week and week of
8/15) on June 28th.
I notice wife that I wanted next
week instead (since I missed this
week) and the same week in August.
Seems awfully ambiguous to me (that
word "reasonable" that
is put in I think to make lawyers
lots of extra money) but unless
2 out of 8 weeks summer vacation
with their father is "unreasonable"
it would seem I would be able to
take the kids. Of course "holiday"
is used for "vacation"
in Europe but not so clearly here.
Her lawyer is on vacation and not
back till Monday and I have the
kids under the normal visitation
schedule this weekend till Sunday
at 4pm. She wrote back saying effectively
no: "Please return our children
to me following your weekend July
24, 2005 at 4pm". Not an outright denial
but a request? :)
What can I do without getting chased
by the cops? Do I keep the
kids for next week or will the police
be chasing me because of a mother
flipping out and the gray area?
Do I go to the police station today
and ask what they would do and what
I should do to see if they will
look the other way due to the order?
I am now pro se.
PLEASE from anyone who has dealt
with this "reasonable"
all to know:
to the Milford police station
this am to see what they would
say about keeping the kids for
properly noticed vacation time
that the wife refuses to assent
to. They basically said if there
is a probate court order that
is anywhere near ambiguous they
would come check it out, look
at any paperwork and then likely
tell the complaining person to
file a contempt (i.e. not their
problem). The officer on duty
said they could spend their entire
day working through these with
47 police officers on the force
in Milford. He had already dealt
with 2 others today when I arrived
that this does NOT mean you should
push the envelope, as I certainly
agree with James: if you have
a penis you are a liar and wrong,
if you have a vagina and breasts
you must be telling the truth
and have the best interests
of the children in mind. God knows
we have never met a woman who
is vindictive and just doing anything
they can to hurt you and to extort
as much money as possible so she
does not have to not have to work
for a living when the kids are
in school. Frankly I think woman
are very stupid about this and
are making all the lawyers rich,
but the bribe offered is too compelling
to ignore for just scruples and
your children's sake when blinded
by emotion and so many free shots
at your ex.
ex-lawyer called this am, just
back from weeks in China with
his children (she pays him child
support) says that it would be
stupid to keep the children because,
right or wrong, it would just
set the judge further against
you - Can't argue with that. Just
give up all your rights quietly
and you will be treated "fairly"
while they suck your financial
blood, drive you into bankruptcy,
you loose your house and everything
like a great strategy. These people
should be put in prison. Lawyer
also says driving people into
bankruptcy happens all the time
and the judges don't really care.
Well that is certainly "in
the best interests of the children"
- ruin the family financially
for the benefit of higher legal
continue to be disgusted every
RESPONSES TO THIS FROM BATTLE HARDENED
Is this really a battle you want
to fight now?
My advice would
be to ask politely for the dates
you want, document it (send it by
email) and let your wife say, no,
no, no. No judge gives a damn about
your feelings. If you decide this
is a battle you want to fight, tell
the Court how it hurt the kids.
This is designed
to wear you down and take your focus
off the big picture. Her lawyer
is telling her to be difficult on
even the most trivial issues to
provoke you to respond
and prove what a "monster,
drunk, control freak, abuser, manipulator,
etc".... you are. Be the pragmatic
one, let your Wife be the
petty one who is causing the friction
in this divorce. There are
so many ways this can go bad
for you, and almost nothing bad
will come of it for our Wife.
My Wife tried
to pull this on me with our kids.
When you keep telling the kids you
want them for vacation, to live
with you, never bad mouth Wife in
front of them, and Wife is always
unreasonable, the kids will eventually
figure out the pure evil of your
wife's actions, even if they don't
realize it until they are adults.
The Court has
the power to give you zero vacation,
visitation, or contact. If you push
too hard now, that may be what your Wife
will ask for and the Court will
Good luck and
let us know how it goes.
A general rule
of thumb to live by: If you're a man,
and if you're in doubt about a certain
matter, assume the worst possible
answer, and you will probably be right.
I would therefore
say that if you go against mom's wishes,
no matter how "reasonable"
you think it is, you WILL have the
cops paying you a visit.